| #1 Redemption6[118929] |
| cache-1.sbo.ma.webcache.rcn.net |
| 1st...1st time i got 1st woot... |
| #2 IcE-Inforcer[118930] |
| proxy.ia3.marketscore.com |
| Too late some gayass took it :P |
| #3 Redemption6[118931] |
| cache-1.sbo.ma.webcache.rcn.net |
| hey!>!!! |
| #4 IcE-Inforcer[118932] |
| proxy.ia3.marketscore.com |
| Joking redemption |
| #5 Redemption------------------the person who got 1st thatz not a gayass[118933] |
| cache-1.sbo.ma.webcache.rcn.net |
| i know ;) |
| #6 IcE-Dark_Lord[118934] |
| 9.PPP.NBY1.ENOREO.ON.CA |
Thats it!!!!!
My First report and I dont even get fist comment!!!!
I get like 3-4 BULLSHIT
Damn YOU: Redemption6, could have read my report instead of taking fist comment... oh well.(angry mumbling)...
To the rest of you: hope you liked it...
|
| #7 IcE-Dark_Lord[118936] |
| 9.PPP.NBY1.ENOREO.ON.CA |
| Icouln'd even get 3-4 I got 6!!!!! piss me off.... dont feel bad Redemption6, I'm just too slow.(more angry mumbling) |
| #8 IcE-Dark_Lord[118938] |
| 9.PPP.NBY1.ENOREO.ON.CA |
| some of you probably noticed that the game type was starcraft ( at the begining of the report ) sorry it's not blame my idiot friend IcE-Inforcer |
| #9 ZerG~LinG[118939] |
| p404-103.ppp.get2net.dk |
1st!
Oh wait.
9th
|
| #10 yes, i dont feel bad, yes, you are slow, and yes, mumble some more please. thx.[118940] |
| cache-1.sbo.ma.webcache.rcn.net |
| ^^ :D :P |
| #11 vincible[118942] |
| roam155-218.student.harvard.edu |
Your ideas are OK, but your grammar really needs work. You leave out commas in places where they are needed, and you occasionally use commas in places where periods should go. Why do you always use three question marks "???" instead of the normal single question mark? Every single one of the first six sentences of the fanfic had at least one grammatical error.
This, combined with poor word choice, makes the story really hard to read. I know it's irritating when English teachers bug you about grammar, and all the rules seem stupid, but it really does matter. Try reading the story out loud to yourself--you will catch many errors that way, though not all. |
| #12 vincible[118943] |
| roam155-218.student.harvard.edu |
| That said, the ideas that you're trying to convey are interesting--and interesting ideas are the most important part of any story. Unfortunately, the grammar and style keep them from having any impact on the reader. I think you could become a good writer, given time and lots of practice. Just pay more attention to the technical details of writing next time. |
| #13 Matt's Mom[118949] |
| fsj56-141.ocol.com |
Okay, I like the report, strong writing, unfortuanetly this kindo stuff is too deep for me. but, it is very interesting, makes you wanna keep reading it.
Good luck in future to...well you kno who you are.
AHAHAHHAAHHAAH~!!!!!! |
| #14 Decay[118950] |
| 206.10.109.73 |
'Fist' (see #6) of all, please proofread. I read the first 2 paragraphs and started crying. Please, please, please check over your work. Also, better use of commas. There were about 574382165410045 punctuation mistakes in the 2 paragraphs a read. I'll read the rest later after i get over my headache. I hope it gets better tho. :(
Decay |
| #15 Alacrity[118952] |
| spider-ntc-tb013.proxy.aol.com |
"Of all lands that ever were and all solar systems there ever was with all Galaxies that have been and all Universes there are to be, Kirlmalda."
wtf does that mean. |
| #16 titans-thesoby[118953] |
| d-207-5-252-62.s-way.com |
| well that was entertaining.... kinda |
| #17 cal[118957] |
| DIALUP-157-134.TNMEM2.USIT.NET |
needed more details. it was all talk and action. i felt like everyone was talking in a void or something with random new characters and what not popping in for cameos.
anyway, good effort. keep writing. |
| #18 IcE-Dark_Lord[118965] |
| 22.PPP.NBY1.ENOREO.ON.CA |
In responce to:Alacrity, I dont know i guees it sounded pretty cool at the time.
In responce to:cal, your right, i did do that but i thought it to the benifit of the FanFic because I thought people would complain about it's lenght if I went into prcice detail. I'll keep that close to mind IF I write Chapter one.(Imost likely will).
Ps: my sinsere apologizes (there 2 words I dont know how to spell) about the spelling mistakes. I personallyproof read it, then my comp proof read it, then 5, yes 5 of my friends proof read it. plz keep in mind that the elves have an elegant way of speaking and arn't always restricted to our laws of literacy(another one, damn were's my dictionary) |
| #19 IcE-Dark_Lord[118967] |
| 22.PPP.NBY1.ENOREO.ON.CA |
plz know that all commants are all really apreciated, it's my first one, so plz take pity on the newb. It's the best way to learn, bye your own mistakes. Thanx especialy to cal, Pr0be, and vincible. no matter how demeaning they were.
It took me 6 tries to figues out wtf you meant??? |
| #20 DarkRider[119005] |
| 198.134.2.2 |
Man!
Vicious.
Beating someone with your own arm.
You don't ever see that in the movies(unless its rated nc-17)
|
| #21 IcE-Inforcer[119011] |
| 209.105.210.34 |
Riley, lmao.
Your "commants" are filled with spelling mistakes. <
Dood, I think you really should write another chapter,
AND you should provide biograhies for the characters, it should look like this:
Vagg: Knows he looks like shit but he still walks around, spreading reekness. Blah blah blah...
That would clear up things... u know.
Looks like we'll have to find someone who can spellcheck better than me, or u. Maybe my dad?
Heheh, should of listened to Miss.Lundy.... bah nm fuck her. |
| #22 IcE-Dark_Lord[119025] |
| 3.PPP.NBY1.enoreo.on.ca |
Next time I'll get my dad ( The English Teacher ) to correct it. So good news for all the... cough**complainers**cough... exuse me, just getting over a flu. I ment to say: good news for all you commenters!!!
HA!!! |
| #23 Kane[119074] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
Explain to me how this is a fanfic
What is it based on?
If it's not based on anything, its not a fanfic. (This pisses me off, because ppl keep calling Journey a fanfic which of course it isn't and apparently this isn't either.)
As for the actual story, I read about half. Too many question marks. Proofread. Revise it several times, and try to edit out the stupid parts. Do that, and your story will be 100% better and probably will be quite good. |
| #24 IcE-Dark_Lord[119097] |
| 209.105.210.34 |
| your right Kane it`s not a fanfic i dont know why I called it a fanfic. once again sorry for the spelling mistakes. I'll edit my next one alot better than this one. Chapter One: The legacy of a Whiteraven. |
| #25 IcE-Inforcer[119100] |
| 209.105.210.34 |
Ya, good thing I showed you how to spell "lagesy" right.
WHORE
It dont matter this comment section is dead, dry, poor, gone, unpopular. |
| #26 vincible[119112] |
| roam155-218.student.harvard.edu |
Your spelling in the story is fine, so stop apologizing for it. Your sentence structure is what needs work.
re: fanfic, I have no idea why everyone uses that word. Just habit I suppose. |
| #27 vincible[119122] |
| roam155-218.student.harvard.edu |
| PS, sorry if the comments were "demeaning." |
| #28 IcE-Dark_Lord[119127] |
| 10.PPP.NBY1.enoreo.on.ca |
To: anybody who gives a shit to read this...
I was wondering if I should repost this??? Correct all spelling and sentence structure...more gramatical errors... tell me what you all think especially if your a rater!!! |
#29  [119169] |
| Ottawa-ppp3517254.sympatico.ca |
| nah, dont repost, just do better next time ;] |
| #30 Mckinnon[119179] |
| 209.105.210.34 |
| listen bum chin kid your story blew ass go rim another fat kid |
| #31 Marquardt[119181] |
| 209.105.210.34 |
hey bum CHIN!!! u suck @ spelling u cant even read!! your story was incredibly...awesomely........RETARDED!! go do r2-d2
go give SUBWAY a rimmer!! Just for the record ice lord loves the COCK !!! kummannayeahaaa!!!!!!
love marquardt <
hahahhahahhahhahahahh |
| #32 IcE-dark_Lord[119268] |
| 209.105.210.34 |
| plz don`t pay attention to the 2 comments above... their really gay!!! And to all those who care: Chapter 1 will be out on the 20th |
| #33 Decay[119322] |
| 206.10.109.68 |
Wow, your worse than titan-thesoby.
He smurfs too. At least he doesnt do it in his comments.
For those of you with no clue, look at the last 3 IP adresses. They r all from the same person.
Sad, no?
~Decay |
| #34 Laughing at IcE-Dark_Lord (Pat)[119706] |
| d221-216-98.systems.cogeco.net |
| Decay, they posted from his computer class! We all go to the same school, that explains the IP being the same I believe? |
| #35 Laughing at IcE-Dark_Lord[119707] |
| d221-216-99.systems.cogeco.net |
| Oh ya, good story dude, lol |
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