| #1 Keanu_Reaver[121706] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-176.sea.eschelon.com |
| Ok, once again much thanks to Heidi for helping me proof-read and brainstorm :) hope you all enjoy, expect the next part to be out within the week! |
| #2 Keanu_Reaver[121709] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-176.sea.eschelon.com |
| wait, forgot to change it to other e;lsdjs;lfdjfds;lkjfdas;lsfdajs;lfdajsfd;lkjfdsl;kjfdas |
| #3 shampoo[121710] |
| 12-246-186-164.client.attbi.com |
| gw |
| #4 Snowman[121712] |
| AC98EAA9.ipt.aol.com |
more...MORE!! HURRY MORE
very nice job btw |
| #5 Narcotik[121720] |
| dialups-417.palmer.mtaonline.net |
| sigh* no pizza in this one.. you have changed man, all and all still intristing.. gw ^^ |
| #6 Rei[121733] |
| def-dial236.dfsi.net |
Keanu Strikes again. GW
... : ]
-Rei |
| #7 NFT[121739] |
| agent.lisco.com |
First, what in the world does your girlfriend think of you writing about people she doesn't even know? Do you tell her that these people are all real or just fiction?
Second, for some reason as I read through all of these I just had a feeling of....triteness, or something similar. All the dialogue seemed so cliche =
Blah I'm still not in it ;(
On dag's lamp speech, I think you hit that perfectly. It sounded exactly like dag imo, and I thought it very funny ;o
Gj |
| #8 DoctorEvol[121740] |
| h00045a63eb6a.ne.client2.attbi.com |
| Once again a good story, but you need a little more plot, give the reader something to read on for. |
| #9 Keanu_Reaver[121748] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-44.sea.eschelon.com |
Well, last time I checked all of my friends on bnet were real people and not just fiction :O and I've never really had a problem hiding my "fictional" internet "life" from others.
I play bw and d2 with friends from school and friends from west simultaneously, and I've never been called a loser (seriously) because of it. And one of the many reasons I love her is just because I've never felt the need to hide anything from her.
As for the dialogue, fu :D |
#10  [121756] |
| StCatherines-ppp109130.sympatico.ca |
omfg . . . . bahahahahaasdhgdfsuygfuasdda gg Mattz.
Good grief that was hilarious.
I'm afraid I can't give this a 9 for that, since most people will probably not understand why, and because of length reasons. Ah well. Still, this is an 8.4 in my book :D
...lmao. |
| #11 [121757] |
| StCatherines-ppp109130.sympatico.ca |
oh, btw, a little criticism:
after certain bits of dialogue, adding information as to how a sentence was said is unnecessary. For instance:
"you really don't want me to say that," I said very mockingly.
The reader already assumes that the line was stated in a mocking manner, due to its very nature, hence the other information is unnecessary. Oh and beware of tense changes :D.
Otherwise, again, good stuff. |
| #12 Epoch[121769] |
| ool-182f0edb.dyn.optonline.net |
Hehe, pure ownage.
But...
'"Hey! This is my contact guy's; meet Mattz!" Dag said, trying to catch his breath.'
I needed a good laugh, thanks ^^ |
| #13 Sexy^Orangutang[121777] |
| 12-234-99-99.client.attbi.com |
| solid, man |
| #14 stardust8297[121780] |
| adsl-66-127-52-69.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
8.4?! what's up with that??
ok anyways... hehe i liked this part of the story--specially the dialogue and the part with the lamp disguise, very cool =P ooooh and a new character of course, very intriguing as well =P
and nft, about how i feel bout him writing bout people i dont really know... is it supposed to bother me somehow..? i mean it *is* all fiction ya know... and btw, he tells me whatever the truth happens to be, like he said ;) |
| #15 some unknown loser[121801] |
| yan-fish.biosci.utexas.edu |
Is mattz mattzerella?because I saw him on b.net the other
day and talked to him and he said he was going to be keanu's
fanfic.gw |
| #16 Oddity[121817] |
| h24-66-246-99.ss.shawcable.net |
i think dag is biased because he's in this story, i mean its so obviously an 8.3 and dag says 8.4
wtf? |
| #17 [121818] |
| Ottawa-ppp3517192.sympatico.ca |
| well the fact that I'm in the story certainly makes it funny for me :D |
| #18 Decay[121830] |
| 206.10.109.40 |
Hey mattz, how much will 45 minutes cost me? ROFL!
GWGWGW Keanu! Keep it up!
Kudos!
~Decay |
| #19 Decay[121900] |
| 206.10.109.39 |
| Hot damn! Sign me up!!! |
| #20 [121920] |
| StCatherines-ppp109238.sympatico.ca |
| He does me for free gg no re thx gw gtg bye |
| #21 Decay[121922] |
| 206.10.109.39 |
| BAH DAG IS TEH SUXXORS!!! LOLZ MATTZY IS SLUTTZY WHOOPYWHOOPY!!! |
| #22 NFT[121946] |
| agent.lisco.com |
| Keanu that's cool. If I tried to say "leet keanu just made new story" or something relating to nh, my friends would think I'm crazy, so it's pretty much become a habit of separating my lives and I thought it was that way for everyone. But since it's not for you, all the cooler :) |
| #23 DoobieSnacks[122308] |
| c-66-56-1-156.atl.client2.attbi.com |
gw immersively deep/deeply immersive
8.5
ch. 4 gogogogogo |
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