"Get a screenshot of this nuke"
-Johhny_Vegas
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| Episode V: The Chobo Strikes Back | | | Author: | | | IP: | gateway.XXXX | | Date: | 02/23/01 07:02 | | Game Type: | Other | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 4, Min: 4
Lifetime Rating for Monty Pylon: 6.0390 |  | And now part two….
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…..
SPAM WARS
Episode V: The Chobo Strikes Back
The destruction of the station at Polaris had brought the sinister Empire's plans to a halt. The rebels fled to the ice world of Braxis, with the Imperial force close behind. In a vain attempt to locate the hiding rebels, the Empire deploys thousands of probes to locate any sign of rebel activity. One such probe landed on Braxis and was spotted by Iggy. Iggy was now a commander and he had learned to harness the ASDF to his will. He had much to learn in the ways of the ASDF and wished that Whan was still at his side. He moved closer and saw the probe hovering over the snow. It let out many strange beeps and noises as if trying to contact someone.
"Beep, beep, beep! -God, where the Hell did Victim put me now! Sabotage the terrans, help the terrans, get the Templar, it never ends!"
Iggy drew his weapon and in one quick motion, he slashed through the probe with a light kitana. He had made his own with only a pipe, a rubber band, a piece of quarts and an old Maguiver tape. With the probe destroyed, Iggy headed back to base. Sadly, the probe was able to warn the Empire of rebel actions and the Imperial fleets made a beeline for Braxis.
Iggy, Mark4 and Hawk2-chobo all stared at a pile of junk that was SlingsNArrows ship. It had gotten a bit trashed in battle and now was in need of repairs. Slings was very stubborn and believed that he and Jamellan could fix the vessel.
"Try Mike's Mechanic shop. No? How about Jim's Starship Garage? Out for remodeling? That's it, where the triple A card."
"Um, Slings I am a mechanic, I think I could help you."
"Your just a kid, I can take care of this myself."
"But what about Scarab? You need to pay him soon or else he said he would come after you."
"I know, I know. It's not like I don't have the money. I'm good for it, right Jam?"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLMMMMMMMMM."
"Great, no confidence in me whatsoever."
"All troops report to the defenses, this is not a drill! All pilots report to your sliders now!"
"It must be the Empire, I better go. Take care of yourself Slings."
"Don't worry about me kid."
"Come on Hawk2, we better get to our ship."
"Bleep, boop, wrrrrrrrr! -Great, I have to save your newbie ass again! Why don't you learn how to fly the damn plane!"
The front lines filled with troops, and the slider jets were scattered over Braxis' skies. The Empire had landed their ground troops and was marching for the shield battery. The battle ensued with the Empire crushing the ground troops and marching over the fallen lines. The rebel sliders tried their hardest to fight back the tied of enemy vehicles, but there were just to many of them. The Empire, being the bad guys, had the cooler stuff and this too was a great advantage. The rebels were forced to flee the base and the battle went to the Empire. Slings, Jam and Mark4 escaped together, but Iggy and Hawk2 fled into the cold recesses of space. In the dark, Iggy heard a voice call to him. He was not sure, but it sounded like Whan. The voice told him to travel to the planet called Louisiana where he would find the mighty warrior, Yoda. Iggy obeyed and changed course.
In the meantime, Slings was having a few problems. His ship was trashed and he had Imperial ships on his tail. He fled to the mining colony of Cloudy City, which was run by an old friend of Slings.
"Badtz! Badtz where are you?"
"Slings you old carrier of arrows, how are you?"
"There you are, man it is good to see ya."
"Likewise, hey Jam, how's it going?"
"EEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLMMMMMMMM."
"Great to hear, so what brings you here?"
"Had a little Imperial trouble and my ship is trashed."
"You mean my ship."
"Hey, I stole it far and square in that mugging."
"Yeah, you got lucky that's all. Come on in, I'll have my guys take care of it. There is someone I want you to meet."
The group walked down the halls and came to a large set of doors. They stepped inside and were face to face with Lord GoZ. Slings tried to shoot GoZ with his laser but, the beams bounced off the walls like they were nothing. Sadly, Slings had on his reading glasses and it was impossible to shoot straight. The small band was captured and now was at the mercy of the Empire.
"I'm sorry Slings, they said they would kill everyone aboard if we didn't comply."
"That's okay Badtz, can you forgive me for kicking you in the balls?"
"But you didn't…ahhhhh my nuts!"
Slings was lead away to the basement with the others tied up in a storeroom. While his friends were being taken prisoner, Iggy had landed on Louisiana, a swamp covered planet with few inhabitants. Iggy stepped out and began to search for Yoda. He came across a strange, short creature, who was sitting on a rock.
"Excuse me but, could you tell me where to find the one called Yoda?"
"Yoda you seek hmmmmmmmm. Ban I will, yes."
"I'm sorry, but what the Hell are you talking about?"
"Ban we must, hmmmmmmmmm. Only then can we overcome, yessssss."
"Could you give me some directions maybe?"
"Directions you seek, ban I will yeeeeeeeeeessssssss."
"Nevermind."
Iggy began to walk away, but the voice of Whan spoke to him.
"Iggy, do not be fooled. The one before you is Yoda. He is very wise and he can teach you."
"Whan, it is you. How are you speaking to me?"
"Even in death I am strong in the ASDF."
"Why did you allow GoZ to destroy you?"
"It is hard to explain Iggy. In time you will understand. Let's just say that reverse psychology is not all its cracked up to be. I must go now, listen to Yoda he can help you."
Iggy turned to Yoda and asked for his help.
"Please, teach me. I will not be banned."
Yoda leaned forward and whispered into his ear, "you will be."
Training began and Yoda trained the young ASDF'er in the most challenging ways. He taught him of the light and dark sides of the ASDF.
"Stupid, chobo, gay, these are the dark side of the ASDF. Spam, posts, head, these are the light sides of the ASDF. You must allow the ASDF to flow through you. Stupid leads to chobo, chobo leads to gay, gay leads to Elton John, Elton leads to Lion King, the Lion kings leads to Broadway dance, dance leads to Footloose and footloose leads to Kevin Bacon, six degrees of Kevin bacon. By the way, your friends are in great danger."
"What? How do you know?"
"The ASDF has told me, plus its in the morning paper."
Iggy read the papers headline.
"SlingsNArrows to be frozen in Yoo-hoo and delivered to Scarab the Shack."
"No, that's terrible. I have to do something."
"If you go you will face GoZ and you will lose."
"They are my friends, I have to help them."
Iggy had made up his mind, he left Louisiana to go rescue Slings. Iggy was too late and Slings was gone. He rescued his friends and they all headed for the ship. They were almost to the dock, when GoZ blocked their way.
"You guys go, I will handle this."
"Confident are we, I shall test your skill."
The two battled up and down the halls of the docks with neither giving ground. Finally, Iggy made a rookie mistake and soon GoZ had sliced Iggy's sword in two. Iggy was backed into a corner and contemplated jumping, rather than dying at the hands of GoZ.
"Iggy, you do not realize your true potential. Join me and together we shall rule the galaxy."
"I'll never join you, never!"
"Iggy, there is something you must know. I……am your mother."
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, it's not true. It's impossible!"
"Yeah, I'm just messing with ya, but that still s no reason you can't give me a hug. Come here."
Iggy could take no more and flung himself over the banister. Into the waiting doors of Sling's ship. They escaped and met with the rebel fleet. Nails would grow again, but many questions were left inside Iggy. The answers would come with time.
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