| #1 Dialtone_[75508] |
| athe530-b039.otenet.gr |
| hmmm.... |
| #2 Copycat[75509] |
| ppp313.ivic.qc.ca |
| hmmm.... ? |
| #3 mattkid[75510] |
| 00-60-97-d5-1d-d0.bconnected.net |
| cool fan fic |
| #4 CKane[75511] |
| c209662-a.haywd2.sfba.home.com |
My name is too long to type ;p
4th |
| #5 ComradeChris[75512] |
| spider-wn054.proxy.aol.com |
| Story keeps building nicely. 5th! |
| #6 CKane[75514] |
| c209662-a.haywd2.sfba.home.com |
B-line? Spy's?
You're losing your touch, Monty. This edition was rushed. BADLY.
In the 7th installment, take ur time. Don't rush it. Take a week, maybe two, and make your next installment live up to its former grateness.
5
mark gimme rating power gogogo |
| #7 CKane[75517] |
| c209662-a.haywd2.sfba.home.com |
What I meant was
The plot is as tight as it usually is, but...
What I meant was, silly things like "B-line" instead of "Beeline" and "Spy's" instead of "Spies" make it kind of stupid to read. Don't get me started on the absence of puncuation...
I mean, fixing little puncuation errors and phrase mistakes can make it much more fun to read. Tightening it up can easily add 2-3 points to the potential rating.
Id gladly revise them for you, if you want... |
| #8 Monty Pylon[75518] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
| B-line was choose to change the kind of written style I was going for. Doing six of these can cause my writing to get a bit redundant. Spy's is a product of a shitty spell check from word 95 and a slight rush. I never plan these things and I just write what comes to me. I was focusing more on trying to make the Ahc infested angle not so obvious. Maybe it's just me but I see those kind of surprises as obvious. plus i have that program that types what i say. It's cool but a real pain in the ass when spell check makes mistakes. |
| #9 Monty Pylon[75519] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
| I still don't know what i'm going to do with the Kane character. Citizen Kane as a character doesn't sound to beliveable. I know what you will do but i must do something with the name. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm |
| #10 ~ISuCK@-SC~[75543] |
| 146.reno-01-02rs16rt.nv.dial-access.att.net |
| I liked it...grammar kinda killed me though...also(I've been lectured on this b4), don't just put "me say blah blah blah"..."i respond with blah blah blah" without somehow making it pretty damn obvious who's saying what...CKane talks about ez to read...VERY important. ^^ |
| #11 CKane[75548] |
| c209662-a.haywd2.sfba.home.com |
| Yeah, Citizen Kane isnt too believable. :( |
| #12 -=Forsaken=-[75553] |
| c187114217.telekabel.chello.nl |
| Kek nice Monty :) ( as usual :P ) It was very suprpising indeed that overmind was the "controlled" one by the swarm. And I'm still very curious who the other one is! So let your "muze" do some overtime and wwrrrrrriiiiiitttteeeee me cronicles :) Damn this Story is good :) But I I'm interested how the Protoss part ik comin in this part of the story. So can't wait for the next one~! |
| #13 Monty Pylon[75558] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
| I'm a bit surprised that nobody has commented on the fate of Serov. He was in this one and I was sure someone would pick that up. |
| #14 {ahc}overmind[75565] |
| user-2ive7h2.dialup.mindspring.com |
woops, forgot, my reaction....
HOW DARE YOU KILL SEROV, or did you kill him? The mystery deepens.
Also, as a traitor I deserve to die, please kill me for being a traitor |
| #15 {ahc}overmind[75566] |
| user-2ive7h2.dialup.mindspring.com |
woops, forgot, my reaction....
HOW DARE YOU KILL SEROV, or did you kill him? The mystery deepens.
Also, as a traitor I deserve to die, please kill me for being a traitor
As usual, I predict this will get a 7, but the range is 5-8 |
| #16 {ahc}overmind[75567] |
| user-2ive7h2.dialup.mindspring.com |
| damn, sorryt folks, I accidentally clicked the submit problem twice, delete the above comment |
| #17 america~jin[75569] |
| 12.7.75.67 |
Cool story.
I love footers like "mark gimme rating power gogogo".
LOL, I found this in BR.com's FAQ page. Apparently, not everyone has seen it.
"I want to rate too. How do I become one?
You don't ask to be a rater. We will come to you if we see you fit. Mark4 is in charge of anything rater related."
Good day, |
| #18 Digityl[75587] |
| 138.86.151.7 |
pretty cool
~Digi |
| #19 CKane[75597] |
| c209662-a.haywd2.sfba.home.com |
I'll put a ransom on Mark's family
Make me a rater or Ill kill Tmac! ;p |
| #20 Monty Pylon[75599] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
Don't do it Kane, think of your family!
Hahahaha
BTW your first comment..I should have my next one live up to former GRATENESS???
|
| #21 Monty Pylon[75600] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
Don't do it Kane, think of your family!
Hahahaha
BTW your first comment..I should have my next one live up to former GRATENESS???
|
| #22 Monty Pylon[75602] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
| I would like to thank my computer for posting that message twice. |
| #23 SarcasticSage[75620] |
| 2Cust239.tnt1.daleville.al.da.uu.net |
<marquee>Monty make me a chr ^_^</marquee>
btw awesome report except for the few mistakes already noted, hmm if you involve protoss make my chr a DT otherwise it's your choice ! |
| #24 Monty Pylon[75621] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
| your name could be a problem. I'll see what i can do. I think I wiil stop with the characters I have but i will try. I need a few good toss besides Artanis and Zeratul. |
| #25 [ScV][75650] |
| p56-max21.syd.ihug.com.au |
Monty...
I just read all the parts, one after the other.
You have an excellent grasp on how to make the story interesting, and you have also inspired me.
Can't wait for the next bit.
Suppose it's too late to put me in?? even just a cameo as some one who dies??
keep up the good work. =) |
| #26 ThieverIV[75807] |
| spider-wc052.proxy.aol.com |
Overmind, they didn't kill Serov, they infested him. Remember, "live for the swarm, commander"? (great line btw)
Yes I agree w/ CKane. As I have beeen saying all along, severe LACK OF COMMAS in your writing. However the storyline remains excellent. |
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