| #1 the()vermind[82789] |
| user-2ive7e9.dialup.mindspring.com |
| nice, but i'm really trying to keep people from getting first |
#2  [82805] |
| 208.196.35.239 |
haha, nice... I'm really enjoying these. You are a shining star in the dark, overcast sky of fan schtik. Keep up the good work. 8.
Dref |
| #3 KING-GBR[82840] |
| inktomi1-bel.server.ntl.com |
| Very good, keep it up |
| #4 Poltergeist_001[82846] |
| po26.serviceplus.ab.ca |
| I'll now go back and see if i can read it all the way... |
| #5 ThieverIV[82852] |
| spider-mtc-tf071.proxy.aol.com |
| Good. The explinations of things like how probes and comsats work were very well done. Don't go overboard, though. The part about how probes warp in structures was kind of random in that part of the story, only explain it when it is relevent. |
| #6 <font color=yellow> |]agomar[82867] |
| webcache.BrockU.CA |
Wow, um, dref . . . my respect for you went up a notch there. That was some very beautiful prose . . . and I'm not kidding. I loved it. 9 for that comment alone.
Why read the report now when I just read Dref's fanfic
fan(non)fic? Ownage. |
| #7 Genesis[82919] |
| ubr-26.98.113.pinecastle.cfl.rr.com |
| Another work of Art for the rest of us to attempt feebly to live up to =). You write some great work, your descriptions and plot is amazing. I could hardly tear myself away from it for a second. I wounder if i will ever write this good one day... |
| #8 Scarab[82926] |
| AC906990.ipt.aol.com |
| wo nice |
| #9 phoenix[LoD][82928] |
| roc-24-95-209-16.rochester.rr.com |
Nice work,
Well-written. And OH MY GOD!! A PLOT!!! And what's this? You haven't killed off your main characters? You didn't immediately refer to the medics as harassed sex objects? Where have YOU learned to write your fan fics, boy?
I like dref and dag's comments especially, mostly because they're right. This is not the timeless paragon of all fictional prose, but it's good.
You are clever indeed. I won't ask how long you've spent rationalizing the StarCraft universe, but you've put some impressive ideas together. They're plausible enough for the story, for sure. However, inserting five (probes, C-10 rifles, SCV's, ComSat's and lurkers) lengthy paragraphs that explain various things in the same "chapter" of the story was overkill. That got tedious.
Bulk it up a little. You launch into a description so often that it's cutting down on the amount of story in each "chapter" so far. Don't cut them out entirely; it's your style and I kind of like it. Maybe you could submit larger portions of the story to keep the action flowing better.
Keep it up man. I know I'll be reading. A fan fic with some brains behind it is a welcome sight.
-phoenix[LoD] |
| #10 <font color=yellow> |]agomar[82960] |
| static-108.itcanada.com |
| I like these brs for the comments they give . . . "you are clever indeed" rofl that owned. |
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