| #1 mind twist[114773] |
| chcgil2-ar6-4-47-172-178.chcgil2.dsl-verizon.net |
| wtf |
| #2 Kane[114775] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
| This initially had some errors when I submitted it but I think I've corrected most of them all. If someone catches any, post it here |
| #3 RT[114776] |
| 156.164.252.64.snet.net |
| Not bad, Mr. Kane. Not bad at all. |
| #4 User14[114777] |
| spider-ntc-td062.proxy.aol.com |
| Woo #4 now i'll read it |
| #5 Adrenaling[114778] |
| CPE002078e0f4b2.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| so.... who proofread it for u? =] |
| #6 Kane[114780] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
| Ground. Actually, he didn't find any errors :P |
| #7 Black_Abyss[114781] |
| 1Cust78.tnt36.lax3.da.uu.net |
| Can you say "Twilight Zone"? Spooky, and quite well written. Can't wait for the next part :) |
| #8 User14[114782] |
| spider-ntc-td062.proxy.aol.com |
| This is amazing, it is my favriote fanfic so far i cant wait for the next part. Great use of descriptions u painted such vivid pictures almost novel-like. |
| #9 Swiss_MErcenary[114784] |
| h24-76-50-216.vf.shawcable.net |
| There seems to be a lot of fan-fics getting started, and never finished. I hope this one will have an ending. |
| #10 Patton[114785] |
| spider-to033.proxy.aol.com |
| I agree with #1. |
| #11 no[114786] |
| c-24-245-64-22.mn.client2.attbi.com |
no
just no |
| #12 Kane[114788] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
| they have oxygen suits T.T |
| #13 Kane[114789] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
#12— The 'impotence' wasn't supposed to be comic, it was supposed to be realistic. I don't think a bunch of army guys walking around shouting "SIR YES SIR!" is realistic at all. Maybe it is in ordinary branches of the army, but this isn't exactly an ordinary army :P
thanks everyone for the compliments/criticism |
| #14 Kane[114790] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
| oh yes, in some cases (the 'orient yourself upward' thing) it builds suspense. |
| #15 Kane[114791] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
| wow i am comment whore T.T |
| #16 vincible[114792] |
| roam155-218.student.harvard.edu |
“Er... nothing but darkness.” “Try turning your headlights on.”
“Oh! Those.” Not realistic to me. <shrug>
But more importantly it's really really really nice to see characters that aren't lifted straight out of Starcraft, and a plot that has the potential to be engaging, and ideas that aren't blatantly stolen.
So gj Kane, even if you are a comment whore. |
| #17 Kane[114793] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
*whore*
it seems realistic to me. A lot of people (i.e. me) are smart, but kinda go brain-dead when they get put on the spot, so i guess that's why it seems realistic to me.
*whores some more*
*whore whore whore whore whore*
biggest comment whore ever
*WHORE* |
| #18 Kane[114794] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
*WHOREWHOREWHOREWHOREWHOREWHROEWHORE*
ahem, sorry. now i'll go to bed =[ |
| #19 Freque[114796] |
| sdn-ap-013caburbP0692.dialsprint.net |
| nice. very descriptive and well-written. good job, nice to see a decent story out. |
| #20 IcE-Inforcer[114800] |
| proxy.ia3.marketscore.com |
Looks like people liked this one. Ill read then...
Better be good. |
| #21 triped[114801] |
| 63.85.132.17 |
| Put your skills to work and write a real br :[ |
| #22 Kane[114804] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
| edit: added signature pic |
| #23 ZerG~LinG[114805] |
| p421-076.ppp.get2net.dk |
OMFG, u are the worst whore ever :]
I tend to check comments before reading, since so many suck fanfics are being posted, and since this got some nice critics, i'll get to it ;)
(wannabe IcE yeah i know)
CHJ for rater/God |
| #24 [114810] |
| agent.lisco.com |
I've no idea why I'm doing this, but I have nothing better to do, so here:
"We will go to places that beyond the imagination, yet they only can be realized in the imagination."
Add an "are" between beyond and the.
"You will not even leave your chair, though it will have felt like you will."
Tenses are off. The last will should be something like did.
Hell now that I'm reading further through, check your tenses throughout. You start off in present tense, but there are some verbs that are past tense, and it's just weird. |
| #25 ..DisturbeD[114811] |
| agent.lisco.com |
| Fuck forgot to add my name to that. |
| #26 ..DisturbeD[114812] |
| agent.lisco.com |
Maybe it's just me, but I really don't like the style. You keep saying in the narration "we will", "we shall", etc. Instead of saying you will do it, just do it. It makes for a better story overall IMO.
But then you probably don't care so I'm wasting my time. Anyway.... |
| #27 ground-LOBP-[114813] |
| syr-24-58-249-106.twcny.rr.com |
i did too find errors, i just didn't bother proofing it =o
groundLOBP: i didn't edit anything
groundLOBP: =|
groundLOBP: just read it
|
| #28 Kane[114814] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
I fixed those two errors.
I was trying to get from present tense (in introduction) to past tense (in the narration) and I had a hard time doing that, and I probably screwed up somewhere. I may or may not get around to fixing it :P |
| #29 waifmaster[114819] |
| spider-tq051.proxy.aol.com |
nice, now finish
29 |
| #30 Ling-erie[114824] |
| host62-7-94-70.in-addr.btopenworld.com |
this is a battlereports site....
oh who cares |
| #31 SiG.[114827] |
| host-216-77-217-207.fll.bellsouth.net |
I personally like fanfics, I enjoy to read fictional stories, it's just fun.
I like this so far, Kane..
One thing that made me think "The research vessel: Atlantis"
You said it was named that for a good reason. Then you found a stone spire underwater, near spain.
Spire=Atlantis?
Do tell, do tell... |
| #32 Kane[114831] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
| people please don't ask questions about the plot, i won't answer them =p |
| #33 huker[114832] |
| bgp559251bgs.eatntn01.nj.comcast.net |
| This is some good stuff :O |
#34  [114843] |
| Ottawa-ppp3517182.sympatico.ca |
| Nice work sexy ;). Sorry about screwing up your ffgay! I'll be manner next time :O. An 8 for my fellow NoN member . . . nice pic at the end, for some reason I really liked it. |
| #35 vincible[114845] |
| roam155-218.student.harvard.edu |
| I thought this deserved better than 8. I thought it was a lot better than other fanfics that have gotten 8 (part of this is that I feel those others didn't deserve 8, but whatever). |
| #36 ZerG~LinG[114853] |
| p451-118.ppp.get2net.dk |
Congrats on the 8!
Imo its prolly the best rating a fanfic can get / will get.
|
| #37 Cowboy_bebop[114858] |
| ool-182ea0c4.dyn.optonline.net |
| 1st!! |
| #38 Cowboy_bebop[114859] |
| ool-182ea0c4.dyn.optonline.net |
woops i guess i posted that 37 comments to late :(
See you space cowboy....... |
| #39 Amoeba_Boy[114860] |
| spider-tp064.proxy.aol.com |
| Uhhhh, yeah Cowboy, you are a bit late for first. |
| #40 [114908] |
| StCatherines-ppp109150.sympatico.ca |
| It's not the best rating a fanfic can get . . . but to get a 9 it has to be truly astonishing . . . which this isn't quite ;). To get a 10 . . . with a fanfic . . . has very rarely been done :O |
| #41 Kane[114918] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
| "Truly astonishing"? I'll strive for it :o |
| #42 kane[152610] |
| c-67-170-196-151.client.comcast.net |
i wonder who's reading this comments section
8/26/04 |
Home
Forum
Starcraft Tournaments
