| #1 Amoeba_Boy[114879] |
| spider-tp064.proxy.aol.com |
| Yay, 1st |
| #2 huker[114881] |
| bgp559251bgs.eatntn01.nj.comcast.net |
| 1st non-Amoeba_Boy |
| #3 Amoeba_Boy[114882] |
| spider-tp064.proxy.aol.com |
| Ive become an entire new class of people. Yay, I think. |
| #4 huker[114883] |
| bgp559251bgs.eatntn01.nj.comcast.net |
| just from a quick glance, you might want to replace some of the "Styke" references with "he" or "his", as it might get a big redundant. This is only from reading the first 2 paragraphs though.. |
| #5 huker[114884] |
| bgp559251bgs.eatntn01.nj.comcast.net |
bit*
typos own me tt |
| #6 Black_Abyss[114886] |
| 1Cust168.tnt44.lax7.da.uu.net |
| Probably the biggest problem is your spelling/grammer, lots of mistakes like that in there, such as switching between the names Gordon/Gorman. Otherwise an interesting story. Learn some HTML too, it makes everything purdy :) |
| #7 Orcrist[114887] |
| CPE002078e0f4b2.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| hey ppl. thx for the comments. yah, the grammar/spelling is bad. and my bad if i actually did switch the Gordon/Gorman names. |
| #8 Orcrist[114888] |
| CPE002078e0f4b2.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| shit, i did mix em up. ill have to switch between the two. yes, they are actually the same characters. |
| #9 Mistears[114889] |
| sc-24-31-40-154.socal.rr.com |
not bad. it kept my interest.
|
| #10 funnymarx[114892] |
| dhcp085206.res-hall.northwestern.edu |
| Holy crap, where the hell am I? |
| #11 Freque[114895] |
| sdn-ap-014caburbP1501.dialsprint.net |
| good job, learn some HTML and the gordon/gorman thing owned me =( |
| #12 Orcrist[114896] |
| CPE002078e0f4b2.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| ok ppl, im sry about the gordam/gorman thing. his real name is gorman. =[ |
| #13 BigD[114901] |
| px2so.cg.shawcable.net |
| I've read too many fanfics with the zerg as the enemy. Sorry. |
| #14 vincible[114903] |
| roam155-218.student.harvard.edu |
| Pretty unoriginal so far I thought. Standard "marine in battle" fanfic mixed with "boy enters video game" cliche. You should try to make your story different from all the other ones that have already been written. |
| #15 Orcrist[114914] |
| CPE002078e0f4b2.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| sry, i didnt know somebody already wrote a fic concerning some guy being sucked into a computer. |
| #16 Redemption6[114937] |
| 209-6-250-32.c3-0.lex-ubr2.sbo-lex.ma.cable.rcn.com |
| It was nice. html would be nice. didnt even notice the gorman/gordon thing when i first read it (wow......) i thought it was a great plot and havent seen it in any other of the fanfics. Err......probably not a gold but itz pretty close to there! |
| #17 vincible[114963] |
| roam155-218.student.harvard.edu |
| Hard to write a fanfic from the pov of something that has no mind. Hmm... |
| #18 UltimateFire[114968] |
| spider-ntc-td072.proxy.aol.com |
| This was good, 'cept you didnt do the battle where he only barely survives, and everyone else dies, and he realizes that life isnt a computer game. shame on you to not follow through with a cliche. |
| #19 [SM]Strega~F[114991] |
| 1Cust161.tnt9.adl1.da.uu.net |
Don't knock the Zerg. It would be quite simple to write a fanfic through them, but I don't want anyone to. Do you know why? Because fanfics are the bane of my existence, that's why.
Strega |
#20  [114994] |
| StCatherines-ppp109109.sympatico.ca |
Fun read, though shallow, unoriginal and lacking a good ending . . . 6 :)
|
| #21 ZerG~LinG[115023] |
| p406-072.ppp.get2net.dk |
It'd be fun to see anyone besides Dag rating O_O
CHJ for rater/God |
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