| #1 Zephyrus[121354] |
| 149.168.54.188 |
| Sorry, read through the last one, and it wasnt complete. This was what the first chapter was supposed to be. |
| #2 kaby[121356] |
| 12-248-20-166.client.attbi.com |
| uhm it was not so bad. some grammatical errors. when the infested bombers were really his parents was really flamey and killed it. |
| #3 Zeal1590[121357] |
| spider-tm033.proxy.aol.com |
3RD!
:P |
| #4 User14[121358] |
| spider-ntc-tc063.proxy.aol.com |
| my parents are infected terrans but when they blow up on me they dont die they just hit me alot, WHY U GOTTA HIT ME LIKE THAT MOMMY?? |
| #5 whiteboy[121364] |
| 208-58-194-193.s193.tnt2.abrd.md.dialup.rcn.com |
the parents thing was hokey, a few gramatical errors, and the ending was cliche.
i'd give it a 3, but only 'cause i'm nice.
:) |
| #6 Redemption6[121365] |
| cache-1.sbo.ma.webcache.rcn.net |
Okay id like to say that there were a lot of good things in this report, but frankly it sucked. I like fanfics, but this one was just stupid. First of all itz "en route" not on route. Next when sean (where did u get that corny name) sees his parents, its supposed to be a huge part in the story, but the readers have no fuckin clue that it is because we don't know who the fuck the parents are. Plus never end something w/ "and then he woke up" cuz thatz just fuckin gay.
1.
and it was pointless to test something this stupid because you didn't even use html. Use the preview thing u stupid fuck.
sorry for the vulgarity. |
#7  [121367] |
| St-Catherines-ppp112560.sympatico.ca |
wow, I'm sorry but this was pretty bad. The writing was tolerable for the most part, but the overabundance of cliches and the purely abysmal nature of the plot gave me goosebumps. You might say that every sentence in the last 10 lines bumped the rating down by half a point.
I'm really getting tired with reports like this. Suggestion:
- Look up preator
- Click on consecutive pheonix legion reports
- Read them
- Learn from them
- Decide that fanfics are not your thing and never write one again.
3. |
| #8 [121368] |
| St-Catherines-ppp112560.sympatico.ca |
| btw the title was just . . . vulgar. |
| #9 Tsear[121380] |
| cpe-66-87-4-245.ut.sprintbbd.net |
Lolz Dag
u know i was thinking this would be decent. I changed my mind... "suddenly he was looking from 3d o my my parents i cant control my own dum self oops sorry momser"
I still think deadly rifles with little firepower is funny
|
| #10 jUsDeE[121407] |
| cache-ra01.proxy.aol.com |
| u tell him dag.. |
| #11 Zephyrus[121421] |
| 149.168.54.188 |
| hmmmmmmm...... funny thing was, this was just describing a dream..... hmmmm |
| #12 Decay[121424] |
| 206.10.109.83 |
LOL YEA THATS THE FUNNIEST THING I EVER HEARD!
But seriously, we could tell that, by the ridiculously stupid way you ended it. It looks like you went through all the old fanfics on the site, copied bits and pieces from each, and put them all back together. It wasn't bad writing (a few grammatical errors), but the last 3-4 paragraphs kinda ruined it. I'd say that the test one was better.
PS. Infested terrans, not infected terrans :P |
| #13 Zephyrus[121428] |
| 149.168.54.188 |
| Decay, dont know if you were complimenting me or not, but yes I have read one or two of the brs on this site, but the story is not what you expect. At least I hope not. Thanks for the head up on the terrans. Yeah, the last few paragraphs I didnt quite know how to write. =P |
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