| #1 Keanu_Reaver[143601] |
| ip68-99-86-96.ph.ph.cox.net |
Ok, uhh, first things first.
This might have some resemblance to war3, but thats entirely coincidence...I haven't played the game but once or twice, and have never played the campaign, I'm hoping the only semblance is the races.
Next, I don't know if the drefsab rule is still in effect but, if it is, could the rater just post what rating he would have given it? Thanks ahead of time.
And to everyone else, if you enjoyed it, I'll be posting the second chapter in two weeks...and PLEASE tell me what I could have done better, or what I've done wrong, so I can correct it. |
| #2 Jaood[143602] |
| AC800753.ipt.aol.com |
| Hmmm... |
| #3 Iron_Golem[143604] |
| 0-1pool206-155.nas1.fort-wayne1.in.us.da.qwest.net |
Great so far, unfortunatly i don't have the time or the patience to finish it, i'll reserve it for a calm morning 0_0
GJ |
| #4 badme[143605] |
| pcp03338275pcs.norstn01.pa.comcast.net |
| Wow...this is great! Keep it coming! |
| #5 endersshadow[143609] |
| ool-182d2de6.dyn.optonline.net |
| Was the guy who gave his life in the beginning Jesus? |
| #6 ClassAct[143611] |
| host213-122-150-47.in-addr.btopenworld.com |
| your use of adjectives is breath taking! :D |
| #7 LoZeR-X[143612] |
| CPE-65-29-130-160.wi.rr.com |
| Nice story Keanu, but battle.net is wondering where the heck you are dude! |
| #8 LameJoker[143613] |
| pool-141-149-16-240.alb.east.verizon.net |
you seemed to have a plot hole near the end, one paragraph the main character is talkin with the older guy and the next he is in his home village. How did he get there? Was he there all along?
As for the rest of it, you started out very strong. You had my attention engaged for about the first half of the story. After that, you're narrative seemed a little strained, a few sentences were put together poorly. If you wrote all of this quickly, it might help to take a break for a few days in between writing the prolouge and chapter 1, just to replenish those creative juices.
All and all, good job. Much better than the usual fanfic. |
| #9 Keanu_Reaver[143614] |
| ip68-99-86-96.ph.ph.cox.net |
| The chiefs house is in the middle of the village, thus when he leaves the house he's in the village. |
| #10 LameJoker[143615] |
| pool-141-149-16-240.alb.east.verizon.net |
| ahh. However, I got the impression that he lived in some type of large city. |
| #11 SCN[143619] |
| c-66-41-22-52.mn.client2.attbi.com |
i'd say you could improve by writing a BR.
=]
C'mon keanu, you know i don't read fanfics. |
| #12 Keanu_Reaver[143620] |
| ip68-99-86-96.ph.ph.cox.net |
| to do a br, i would need to have something beyond 7 year old html skill ;) |
| #13 el_sux0r[143621] |
| 0-1pool137-139.nas60.philadelphia1.pa.us.da.qwest.net |
Not bad. Very, very ambitious in scope; we shall see how this pans out.
"Humans began to combat warry Orc warriors with bushels of grain..."
This was the only error I could find, and it messed with that paragraph a tad, but aside from that, not bad at all! :)
|
| #14 el_sux0r[143622] |
| 0-1pool137-139.nas60.philadelphia1.pa.us.da.qwest.net |
| PS - Oh yeah, it needs giant mecha ;) |
| #15 FouREvEr[143625] |
| user-2ivfk52.dialup.mindspring.com |
Mehdi's back ^^
|
| #16 SiG.[143629] |
| adsl-35-8-208.bct.bellsouth.net |
You dick!
First: A young, but wise --> , <-- Human sought to end the strife, he banded together with creatures of all races who sought peace as well. -- Didn't need the comma ;)
Second: About.. 8 months ago you said you were coming out with the second chapter to this. You made me wait in suspense for much too long :(
Hurry =] |
| #17 SiG.[143630] |
| adsl-35-8-208.bct.bellsouth.net |
Oh yeah and lemme see the second chapter on aim plz. I don't want to wait.
;X
GodlyTerran on aim ;D |
| #18 Keanu_Reaver[143631] |
| ip68-99-86-96.ph.ph.cox.net |
| oh man haha, ok ill show you how much i got now |
| #19 Dino Din[143632] |
| cvg-65-27-233-155.cinci.rr.com |
| fanfics are lame |
| #20 Kinslayer[143640] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3681091.sympatico.ca |
Keanu this in excellent fanfic!
I can't wait for the next chapter |
| #21 The0ne[143644] |
| redback-10.shoreham.net |
Great Repor. . .
Wait. Its a Fan-fic.
T_T |
| #22 Timid[143649] |
| adsl-64-160-21-246.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net |
| Killer |
| #23 ThePalisade[143650] |
| unix3-hme0.broadviewnet.net |
Wow man. This isn't a piece of shit like most other fiction on this site. It has some length and scope. Keep 'em coming and I'll read 'em. =]
-Angel |
| #24 ANdris[143651] |
| cache-ntc-aa01.proxy.aol.com |
| fanfic never get finished so im not reading it. |
| #25 firestone[143652] |
| pm3-29.tekdata.net |
| great story i like it alot the only thing that confuses me is how did all the villagers get all zombie like. |
| #26 Keanu_Reaver[143653] |
| ip68-99-86-96.ph.ph.cox.net |
| That was intentional firestone, it'll be explained later. |
| #27 Convider[143655] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3661355.sympatico.ca |
hmm
some fanfics are wuite good, and some suck badly.
this falls into the first category.
gj |
| #28 Keanu_Reaver[143670] |
| ip68-99-86-96.ph.ph.cox.net |
| Grrr...can I get a rating? Either here or on the report itself? |
| #29 livingexceptoin[143689] |
| pcp03797940pcs.wilmsc01.tn.comcast.net |
Generally, the staff is asked to wait until the entire story is finished before they give a rating.
le |
| #30 Keanu_Reaver[143692] |
| ip68-99-86-96.ph.ph.cox.net |
| I realize that, that's the drefsab rule...but this story is going to be going on for a very long time, so I atleast want a rating in the comment section, they don't have to physically rate the report. |
| #31 Smeagol[143709] |
| 227.c.002.hob.iprimus.net.au |
dere u go u got gold
happy now ^_^ |
| #32 hunter[143719] |
| 1Cust216.tnt1.bryan.oh.da.uu.net |
| so whats the freaking end mean hes dead or everyone else in the town was undead wtf? |
| #33 kane[143935] |
| ws14.fas.harvard.edu |
| Generally, drefsab is an idiot. |
| #34 Dino Din[144013] |
| cvg-65-27-233-155.cinci.rr.com |
| Generally, kane is too |
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