| #1 Some_God[148939] |
| ool-18b8c53e.dyn.optonline.net |
| 1st |
| #2 deathgod[148944] |
| 166.121.37.7 |
| 2nd... |
| #3 TwistedNecro[148948] |
| lsanca1-ar54-4-3-202-139.lsanca1.dsl-verizon.net |
^ ^
| |
| |
| |
Post something helpful!
Anyway, gj very nice. A little too short for my liking, though.
|
| #4 Chris[148960] |
| astound-64-85-254-129.ca.astound.net |
| Fanfic. |
| #5 BlueRibbon[148965] |
| 65.167.44.48 |
Not the worst. Not the best. 5-6.
Try a regular report. Its much more rewarding then a fanfic, and you'll have a broader audience that likes it. |
| #6 Fred[149066] |
| dhcp52.des.ucdavis.edu |
| Some people like fanfics... |
| #7 SPHS-Shadow[149083] |
| 65.249.246.27 |
| it was okay. not bad really. better thatn the one that started off with wraiths braking the sound barrier in SPACE, and mutalisks screaming goddam, again, in SPACE. sound doesnt travel without air. period. but, this on the other hand, is an amusing and pretty good story. i give it a 7 |
| #8 el_sux0r[149109] |
| dhcp078132.res-hall.northwestern.edu |
"Quiet!" Mah Sakai yelled over the voices. "In my opinion, open war with the Confederacy is insane."
When people yell about insanity and yell for quiet, do they take the time to say, "In my opinion?"
Details like this, and the mutalisks, need to be thought over.
A little thought will help your writing greatly. |
| #9 breakfast[149122] |
| CPE00a065cb0ceb-CM014100005949.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| thanks for that comment (#8) but really, do you have to get so into the story so much? :( |
| #10 Fred[149123] |
| dhcp62.des.ucdavis.edu |
| It's not that people get into the story so much (though if they do, that's a good thing). Rather, all the little things that make good writing contribute to the overall 'feel'. Even those that don't stop and think 'why is he saying 'in my opinion'?' will realize something is a little off, and an accumulation of those errors will degrade the quality of the story, regardless of how good the plot is. |
| #11 Fred[149124] |
| dhcp62.des.ucdavis.edu |
| But don't feel bad. Pretty much everyone's first attempts at writing - especially fiction - is terrible crap. At least, the beginning of your story is much better than anything I wrote until I had a few years of practice. |
| #12 breakfast[149125] |
| CPE00a065cb0ceb-CM014100005949.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
oh, okay, i understand.
thanks for the feedback. |
| #13 PanchOVilla[162204] |
| dsl18-006.express.oricom.ca |
rockslide strategy lollllllllllllll............. hahahaha
for sure, nice idea to retake the mine |
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