Bob_The_Newt was originally gonna be in this battlereport. Unfortunately, he's sexually addicted to that frenchy King-Lewis, so he didn't get to be in it. Poor bob.

     Yup, that's why Bob is gay. Atleast we got Syncmaster_6ne to play the gay person.

Map = Rivalry (The Gosu 4 player map)

Syncmaster_6ne : Purple zerg at the top right. (know as gay for the rest of the report)               

Roaming Spirit: Teal zerg at the bottom right (Known as chobo for the rest of the report)

Jim-The-Car: Orange protoss at the bottom left (Known as Fuxing-Gosu or Gosu for the rest of the report)

    Well, originally there WERE 4 players, but since one guy left for like an hour during the before game screen, we started the game without him. He was red protoss, but he left like 2 seconds in the game saying "I told you to wait, ass". I responded with "I told you to hurry, ass" =]

   Any how, chobo went with a 9 expansion to his natural, gay went with a stupid hatch at his choke, then about 10 sunken colonies (5 at his choke) while gosu went for an early gas build-up. Gosu started an expansion at the middle-left expansion, and chobo put a third hatchery up near his choke. Gay just turtled like a homo. =[ The start of the game continued, chobo put down 5 sunken colonies at his expansion, gosu sent 10 or so probes to his expansion and gay put up a Spire. Chobo's build order revealed a chobo flavored hydralisk den just right of his main hatchery. Shortly after gay's spire finished and he started making gay mutalisks, chobo expanded to the expansion between him and gay, and gosu took his natural expansion, and put up a gosu templar archive to produce gay templar for the oh-so-gay storm. Gay still doesn't expand for a few minutes, when he has gotten about 12 mutalisks.

   Gay was upset about red leaving so early, and decided to kill the 4 probes, take the nexus down to about 500 shields then wimp out back to where he was finally building an expansion hatchery. Gosu also didn't like the newbie red who left, so he attacked with 1 zealot and 2 dragoons because of a chobo overlord that was hanging around above it. Somehow the gay mutalisks sensed this from the other corner of the map and killed the protoss units before they could kill the nexus. (Red should have garrisoned his probes inside before he left) The gay mutalisks had to get back to the hatchery for lunch or something so they let the nexus stay there. However, a drone was sent over there, and a hatchery was built at the ramp so that more gay drones could begin mining the base. Some of the mutalisks stood guard over the hatchery, and killed a scouting probe from entering the base.

      Chobo had all of his hatcheries producing hydralisks, and two evolution bays, while gosu had 6 gateways rallied to his natural, producing zealots and templar non-stop. (With the odd dragoon thrown in to help the templar, and archons counter the mutalisks)

     30-40 gay lings ran into the teal expansions, and immediately chickened out when 15 of them died before getting even one sunken colony dead. Chobo put up a queens nest so he could tech to the hive level, and that fuxing gosu ordered 7 zealots, a gay templar and a gosu archon to attack the hatchery defended by 4 mutalisks. All 4 mutalisks left and the hatchery was cancelled. Gosu Jim was happy that he was the one that would kill the Nexus (With no garrisoned probes)   instead of the homo sync who had the chance but didn't use it. Then the gosu built a nexus defended by 3 cannons at the left gas-expansion.

   Chobo decided to be risky, and did a double expand. He built a hatchery at the expansion between him and gosu, and also one at the right gas expansion. Niether flourished. Gay zerglings and mutalisks took down the gas expansion as soon as a scouting ling found it, and a gosu observer was already present at the expansion between the gosu and the chobo. 12 zealots took that expansion down easily.

   Up to now gay sync had made mostly zerglings and mutalisks, but hadn't taken a gas expansion yet. Right now he had atleast 20 mutalisks, and probabally a lot of minerals stored up. So he put down 4 hatcheries at the expansion to his left. The chobo still wanted those expansions, and tried to take them again, this time with a few hydralisks for defense.

    Gosu was obviously the right word for Jim, because his sexy observer over the 4 morphing hatcherys was no fool. It called into the main base of Gosu Jim and told him to send troops WELL before the hatcheries had sunken colonies supporting =]

   20 or so zealots with 10 goons and 4 templar ( I counted!) The gay mutalisks were there though, and with the help of 4 sunken colonies (I said the troops were dispatched before the colonies finished, but they only got there before the 5th finished =] ) They were able to kill everything with the loss of one sunken and a bunch of mutas from a gay gosu (I should have named them better) templar. Damn gay gosu templar =[

     Since everyone was OBVIOUSLY too busy losing gay gosu templar and gay mutalisks to worry about the teal chobo expanding and making hydralisks, he punished them. 6 chobo overlords full of pure semi gosu (2/2) hydralisks unloaded themselves on the right side of Full-Gosu Jim's base. What else could be expected of Jim but for him to say

      His gosuness is mesmirizing, no? Several Gay - Gosu templar (like 9) and 3 zealots (And about a trillion robotic "Legs" units) decided it'd be a bad thing to let the hydralisks spit on the buildings. (Actually  the gay - gosu templar just wanted to make sure that their gay porn didn't spill out onto the ground so that the probes could laugh at them, before dying) Gay Storm (Sent by gosu Jim) and Zealots poking hydralisks in the butt (I really think that any unit being attacked by a zealot should say "Stop poking me!") easily decimated the hydralisks. It helped that the hydralisks were to stunned by being poked so hard in the butt by the zealots that they could not move. That allowed about 8 storms to wipe out all the hydralisks before more than 2 gateways, 3 pylons and Bob-The-Zealot could die. This time, however, allowed the not-so-chobo teal to get his expansion still un-secured because he was too stupid to make his attack last longer =[

     Aware of this, Gosu Jim sent all the forces he had around his main (Mostly "Legs" units) and (Not literally of course) rammed them up the chobo's ass.

The expansion was destroyed. (Watch that one sentace take my rating down by like a trillion)

      Gay sync =[ he some how (Hack?) decided to scout the corner where Gosu Jim had expanded too and decided to attack it. Unfortunately, Gosu  Jim showed us why he IS gosu jim, and had his 3/3/3 zealots take out 0/0 zerglings at a rate of about 5 per zealot. With the help of some gay - gosu templar, the expansion stood. With few losses. (Another reason why jim is 2gosu4u)

Pause for snacks.

I know you want snacks. Go get something. I'll wait. Infact, the next few lines aren't important unless your looking for more useless crap. (Like funny quotes =] )

This one for instance.

That would make like the coolest quote for the top of br.com ever. And I need a quote in my name up there. Really bad. (I'm literally dying over the fact that you haven't found one gosu statement in this entire br worthy of it =[ )

Unpause for Snacks. (I know, only one quote, but who's gonna notice, except quote-counter assholes.

      Noticing the in-effectiveness of his mutalisks and zerglings, sync made upgrades. And he started a Greater Spire (Whats wrong with that, only about 45 minutes after making the first spire, which he hasn't made a single upgrade from)

      Remember the chobo gas only expansion that Spirit tried to take back? Well, Gosu Jim decided he didn't like that. His zealots stayed after killing the hatchery and extractor to watch the Creep dry. They did get the added adventure of getting to watch the larvae die when they ran out of creep though.

     Gay Sync starts morphing guardians where he has all his hatcheries rallied too. Just outside of the expansion to his expansions left. (I actually watched the entire morphing process, it was fun) The zerglings went in first, second only to the guardians who would shoot any zergling that tried to cut in line. As is completely un-detectable from the pic to the left, the expansion did not live. Infact quite the opposite. Okay so it did live, but syncmaster did get the natural expansion of that site dead. I hope.

   As you can probablly imagine, Spirit is saving up ensnare so that he can ensnare all of sync's drones. (You have a vivid imagination, btw) This is wrong. Rather, the chobo zerg sent all of his everything (Excluding drones, and probabally overlords too) and started raping (Literally, have you seen those hydralisks attack?) gay sync's natural expansions.

This prompted him to leave the gamecalling me a butt-fucker after getting back to the channel.

   Since sync gave up the game for a really bad reason (Because I was a butt-fucker) chobo spirt had no chance. Jim just over ran him until i said "Jim won" and left. (After that Spirt ran over jim with 1 lurker, a gosu lurker at that, and several broodlings.)

Lessons Learned

1. Jim is gosu

2. Roaming~Spirit is chobo

3. Syncmaster_6ne is gay

4. 3/3/3 zealots are cost effective vs 0/0 zerglings. (And then some)

5. Do not underestimate the power of Alt-Q then Q because it 0wnz ur b0nez(Like me!)