| "We were playing a non-Blizzard made map originating off of Big Game Hunters. This one had more money. " - JeremyFJ
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| The working of a zerg mind - The dire encounter. | | | Author: | | | IP: | ndf53-07XXXX | | Date: | 03/30/00 12:03 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 7, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for Evil Toaster: 7.0000 |  | The working of a zerg mind - The dire encounter.
Disagreements, insult flinging and Dire seducing....
Greetingz ppl, you're prolly all tired off ppl putting up a report and then feebly saying "Well this is my first report, so sorry if it sucks", so instead i'll just lie to you all. This is in fact my 232nd BR, i am world famous, and all i have to do is look at people and they give me money, and i've never lost a game in Starcraft. Yes oh yes, i am the best player in South Africa. Bite me Slayne. :)
To begin with, if you dont care about background information, you may skip this meaningless blather and go straight to Part 1, although personally i quite like meaningless blather, anyway, this BR is by no means short, in fact for a text BR, its fukin long, so if you complain its too long, thats your problem, dont bother telling me, i know. All the embellishments are needed to create a truely zergish atmosphere. :)
[Blather]
It was a typical monday at work, after a heavy weekend and lots of wine, beer and various other alcohols, i was totally wasted and ended up catching an hour's sleep or so on my desk before i was administered a mug of Industrial Strength Coffee i felt sufficiently awake to being work on the phenominally boring Assets management system. After a few hours of this, i decided to go and spam the local Starcraft forum. It all went fine until i submitted a post claiming that i loved dire straits more than Dislekcia (Another SA bnet player, he has a few BR's up here...) did, he accused me of seducing his love and so a series of abusive posts ensued, the challenge was issued in the following 4 posts :
1) Ha, u may love dire, but i make sweet LOVE to it three times a day , and six times on sunday :PP - [Evil_Toast]oW
2) How DARE you seduce my sweet, sweet Dire! Make yourself ready for the afterlife! - Dislekcia
3) Dis u dog raping armadillo wanker (Various other explicit inuslts...) - [Evil_Toast]oW
4) Ok, 1on1 me... Dire, tonight, best of 3. - Dislekcia
After more hours of swearing at my pc, headbutting the monitor and throwing printers around, i left work, arrived home, and sat around waiting for "tonight" to arrive.....
'Ware the armadillo rapist for he is not your friend....
After turning on my pc and watching it go through its usual beep, click and whirring routines it usually follows after a good day's sleep, the ominous blue glow of the windows screen appeared, and once again my pc was reduced to the mental state of a mentally unstable dumb worm, instead of just a plain old dumb worm. I connected to the net without indicdent, until i made the mistake of clicking on the BW icon when windows was still doing something, instantly a blue screen appeared, fatal exceptions and beeping noises became rampant thoughout my system, forcing me to restart. BLE :(
To cut a long story of computer abuse short, i finally arrive on the SA fsgs server and arrived in the channel Starcraft Zaf-1, and lo and behold, there was [Dislekcia]oW glaring at me and all, immediately the cry for retribution escaped his lips, the 1v1 was on. The game was created with and so it began....
[/blather]
I chose Zerg, while Dislekcia chose Random, the usual "gl and hf" was forgone, this was a matter of honour! The game commenced....
Part 1 - Its all fun and games until someone looses an eye....
I started at the top left corner of the map began mining and sent my ol right. I decided to go mutes with zerglings and a few sunkens for base defence, then immediately managed to screw up my b/o by building my pool before gas, limiting my air production later.
My second ol grumbled all the way out of his egg, complaining about the cramped living conditions and lack of bed and breakfast, then grumbled with renwed vigor when he discovered i expected him to walk all the way down to the bottom of the map. Meanwhile my first ol had arrived at the top right SP and was also mumbling something obscene about floating all this way finding nothing but an island badly in need of an ecosystem, and possibly someone well learned in the operation of a class A industrial strength all terrain lawn mower.
I started on my lair and built a second hatch, , followed by a single sunken while constantly producing drones and some more ol's. My second ol had arrived at the bottom left, also finding nothing. I ignored his complaints. This meant that Dis had to be bottom right, so i sent my overlord already en route around the back, just in case he floated mindlessly over some fornicating perverted freak that i was sure dis had built by this time. My lair completed and i began a spire and ventral sacs upgrade. My overlord reached that back of dis's island, then held his feeler up to the wind to test for favourable weather conditions, and headed in. A glance at the mineral area revealed that Dis was protoss.
I decided he'd either be going for a drop or corsairs, so as soon as my spire completed, I began building many replica's of our good friend Mr Scourge, i also made a few mutes, and lings with the spare minerals. My scourge's hatched and off they flew to patrol around dis's island, Two of my overlords, who were in good moods, as overlords go, opted to go act as sentries, one positioned himself in middle of the map while the other went and dozed to the right of my main. Another i send to the edge of my island so i wouldnt have to wait too long to move to the next island when i decided to expand.
Now things got going. A shuttle appeared seemingly out of nowhere at the right of my main where the ol was stationed, silently cursing my bad vision and the incompetant scourge, i flicked to my main and quickly grabbed 2 spare scourge and informed them that if the shuttle didnt die within the next 5 seconds, there would be hell to pay, they zoomed off at high speed, and plowed into the shuttle before it had a chance to unload anything, The lings who had heard and come to look grunted and snorted in glee, while the overlord who had spotted the shuttle was given a pat on the back and told to keep up the good work.
Part II - Templars are bad men....
At this point i had about 12 lings, 2 mutes and 6-8 scourge patrolling and keeping tabs on the expansions one of my scourge was happily minding its own business passing over the expansion above dis's base when it was brutally assaulted by a sexually frustrated goon, it screamed in terror and fled, as it sailed away, though it's red rimmed vision it saw a pylon and two cannons underway. Dis was expanding earlier than i'd expected, but after the death of the shuttle and its hapless crew, it was not hard to put 2 and 2 together and get 5. He had booked an SC airways ticket and sent the probe on holiday to the island, where it was trying to make itself feel more at home. Meanwhile, i had sent a drone via ol express to the expansion to the right of me and it was busily turning itself into a hatchery.
I was unprepared to stop an expansion because i'd spent most of my gas on scourge, i sent a single brave muta to try stop the cannons before they warped in. (yes yes i know 1 mute? wtf, it was all i had, why not go and abuse a cannon for a while.) Wally the mutalisk arrived on the scene, and gaped in horror as he saw one of the cannons was on 86%, he began frantically hurling his glave wurms at it, but to no avail, it warped in with a meager 50 shields gone and began to fire back, Wally fled as a disruptor bolt singed his behind.
This was not good, Dis now had the same number of expansions as me, and he definately had more probes at his expansion because i used my first three drones at my expansion to make 2 sunks and a geyser. I instructed a scourge to fly into dis's main and see what he could see. It cautiously wandered into the main and gaped as it saw a high templar leaning on a pylon, it wandered around and also saw a stargate, then hurredly ran away as thoughts of corsairs burning holes in it came unbidden to its mind.
I had just sent another drone via ol to the expansion below my main and got it going when surprise surprise, 2 corsairs arrived near my first expansion and started beating up one of my peace loving overlords. Four scourge saw them and shouted in outrage, hurling themselves at the corsairs. The one pilot who actually saw the scourge coming, had time to say "Look ou-!" as his craft exploded, the other pilot merely cursed the cheap manufacturers because his ship didnt have an eject button.....
Another lul in the action occured and during this time, i got my two expansions running and has 2 sunkens at the first and one at the second. In my main, muta's and lings were busy nibbling their way out of their egg's while the spawning pool researched zergling speed and a drone began making a queens nest. Not being particularly fond of corsairs, i knew i'd need devourers soon, and maybe guardians to support my planned ling drop. About 10 mutas and 30 lings moped around at my main while the rest of the air units were out scouring the surrounding area for anything that looked unzergy.
A sneaky observer was caught wandering around at my second exp and ran for his life when he was a scourge aproaching him, but to no avail, he blew up, just like those before him. Was now almost finished researching ventral sacs and was about to prepare my drop when 2 shuttles zoomed past an astonished ol and dropped 4 zealots and 2 h-temps on my 2nd exp. I quickly loaded up 2 ol's full of lings and grabbed about 6 mutas, and began building 3 eggs full of lings at the exp. My sunken was having a bad day, and was looking like he'd been through a meat ginder, he let forth a feral splonk, and promptly popped. My mutes arrived on the scene, dodging a storm with a show of unrivalled dexterity. They flew in and let loose a volley of glave wurms, one of which ate the temps right leg. My drones were milling around and being beaten up by zealots while my overlords arrived and started farting out pairs of zerglings at different points on the island to avoid storms. The zerglings charged, and without too many more losses, the remaining templar and zealots were killed. My mutes went home and got drunk while my lings helped the wounded drones back on their feet.
Once again preparing to drop, i now had greater spire, adrenal coming, devs, and had added 2 queens with broodling to the mix, and was happily loading up my zerglings, when another even bigger army of shuttles landed on my first exp. This time, 6-8 zealots, 1-2 goons and 4 templars popped out. A storm appeared over my drones, which wailed and collapsed into small red puddles. ARGHH :(. I started making lings at the exp while my queens hurried forth and broodlinged two of the templars that were still on full energy, While 8 or so mutes swooped by and killed another. My mutes got caught in a storm and fled the scene, while lings arrived by ol inter-island transport, this was basically a repeat of the first attack but on a slightly larger scale. In the end 2 mutas sat pounding 4 zealots, who desparately wished they'd brough aspirin with them. The zealots died, leaving the hatchery sick and wounded. A nearby drone dressed the wounds, lest the hatchery get gangrene. My main hatch had run our os minerals, so i send some to establish a new base in one of the middle exps, while sending others to my two other exps.
Part III - Let the killing begin in earnest....
By now i had completely forgotten about dropping lings, so i just got 10 devourers and 8 guards with a few scourge around, along with my trusty queens. On their way to Dis's exp, they were ambushed by a pack of corsairs, the scourge charged forward while the devourers spat purple stuff at the corsairs, of the 8 corsairs, only 1 or 2 survived, running away with purple candy floss stuck to their ships. A scouting scourge found that dis was trying to expand to the exp left of his main, this was not allowed, so my army took a detour and pounded the renegade expansion out of existance, then headed back up to Dis's first exp. Sending in a scouting scout, i discovered there were about 3-4 high temps on the island, this was not good. My queens got out their pet broodlings again and made short work of 2 temps. I spread my guards out and began pummeling the defending cannons, pulling back as storms were offered (free of charge i might add, but next time dis... how bout a big mac? :P) The exp was going to fall, i had more guards than dis had storm, things were looking up
:)) ..... ;| ...... :0 ..... :(((
EEEEK, 6 shuttles full of goons landed on my brand new exp and razed it completely, not a single drone or larvae was left on the island alive, although a few did manage to get away by hijacking a nearby overlord. The goons finished with the base and headed for my main. AHAA i had zerglings! Better yet, i had lots of zerglings!! Dis had just started unloading at the bottom right corner of my main as many many pissed off zerglings arrived, i swear, i've never seen goons change their minds about landing so quickly, the ones already on the ground dissapeared back into the shuttles almost instantly. They attempted to land on my mid left expansion but were all killed as my guards arrived, and co-ordinating with the lings already on the island, the goons were taken out in rapid succession of each other, while the devourers disintegrated the shuttles.
Now i was annoyed, he'd got to do all the attacks, and my units were restless. They went back and started bashing the dis's expansion again. But this time, 10 scouts came out and murdered one of my guardians in cold blood, then ran away back to the exp before my scourge could even react. We parried blows for a few minutes with me taking most of the damage. During this time, i restocked on drones and started building Moo's. (Ultra's :) )
Part IV - Death by starvation....
A rouge muta spotted a brand new expansion on the bottom middle island yet again resulting in a comment by dis that was somewhere along the lines of "fuck!", As my army arrived, a shuttle appeared at the edge of my vision and deposited 2 archons on the island, chasing away a few of my mutas, which ran off and turned themselves into big floating cocoons. My other guardians began spitting things at the cannons on the island, when predictably enough, the 10 scouts arrived. This time they ran slap bang into 2.5 groups of scourge, leaving 1 scout alive which was shredded by my devourers.
My guardians resumed their glandular exercises and watched the 2 archons wander aimlessly around the island. 16 cracklings made use of the public transport system and landed on the island. The highly motivated lings took out the archons surprisingly well, with a loss of only 6 lings. The rest of the exp was razed quickly after that.
Dis conceeded the game. He had run out of minerals at both his bases and i hadnt let him expand, he muttered something rude and left the game. The zerg swarm cheered, grunted, moo'd and generally partied, they broke out the adrenal juice and got totally drunk. Even the overlords looked vaguely cheerfull, the party lasted well into the evening, after a wonderful evening, the zergs bade each other good night and retired to their eggs for a good nights sleep........
Zee end....
btw, as for the best of 3, dis left a msg saying "dire loves u more, bye", and left. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this report. I will try find a more exciting game next time but for now you can go and get an ice pack to cool yer eyes off :)
Ciao
Evil Toaster |
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