"Always trying to improve, but still sucking"
-YourRoleModel
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| How Not to Play Brood War I | | | Author: | | | IP: | ip43.orlXXXX | | Date: | 10/01/00 12:10 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 7, Min: 5
Lifetime Rating for Poeir: 4.5000 |   | How Not to Play Brood War I
It was a muggy Sunday afternoon. On ICQ, Breeze and I were discussing battle reports and related matters. This could only lead to one conclusion: A one-on-one on the Lost Temple.
Both players chose Random: I drew Protoss, Breeze drawing Terran. I decided to go with a two-gate opening, performed ineptly, while Breeze assumedly began a wall-in.
I scouted after building my 8th Probe, with some choice comments regarding my amateur abilities. It is a little-known trivia that the fastest way to scout Lost Temple is by going straight across, then to another start, then straight across again. Even if this isn't the fastest, it should disorient an opponent. Shortly before I found Breeze's base, his SCV swept past my sole Zealot. The SCV, unfortunately, escaped past my newly-built trio as my Cybernetics Core finished.
In the meantime, I had breached Breeze's incomplete wallin, finding a horde of SCVs, but no army. My Probe became trapped inside, and moved about, trying to avoid the pursuing SCV.
During this time, a good number of minerals had built up, so I opted to expand. Having fallen victim to many turbo newbies, and it still being so early, I headed for the 9 o' clock position. The Probe made it there without incident, beginning a Nexus, Assimilator, and Pylon. At this point, my troop count was about three Zealots and three Dragoons. I began the Templar technology tree.
A minute passed before I began maynarding Probes to the new expansion. This mistake cost me the game, as the Probes encountered a trio of Vultures. Guessing where they were headed, the three Vultures headed toward the 9 o' clock position. I began a Forge, hoping to get some Cannons up there while dispatching my troop of Zealots and Dragoons. It wasn't five minutes in, and already I was losing. 
Two Dark Templar warped in. They immediately put their feet to work, marching toward Breeze's base. The timing here was perfect, since as they walked up the ramp, Breeze raised his Barracks. One died, but the other invaded Breeze's SCV line. 
While all of this is going on, the 9 o' clock expansion has newly-constructed Cannons, and the valiant defenders leave, having leftover mines decimate them anyway. None return, but newly-built troops are more than happy to replace them back home. After more time passes, I make the comment that we both really suck.
Soon after, I uncover some slacking Probes, who have been doing absolutely nothing since almost the beginning of the game. I put them to work on mining, figuring building anything would be too complicated. In the meantime, I start the Robotics tree. In hindsight, I probably should have merged some Archons.
I decide to probe Breeze's defenses. Unfortunately, he's doing exactly the same, only he's doing it a lot better.
As my base is razed, I grimly load my Probes into Shuttles, moving eight to the 9 o' clock position, and the other eight to the northwest island. A few Probes have to hover themselves over to the expansion, taking heavy casualties. At my new main, I start work on Starports, a Fleet Beacon, and Carriers. Soon after, Tanks head for my base, so I have those same Probes turn around and valiantly attempt to defend the base. All explode with pathetic whines. 
Carriers begin to be completed, and they build Interceptors. The Tanks are soon on their way, but their ranks are decimated from the air. I begin constructing more Carriers, hoping to turn the tables.
Unfortunately, I can not remember the unit's name that destroyed most of my Carriers. They have two legs, and a weird-shaped head... Ah, yes, Terran Goliaths. Goliaths destroyed my Carriers. They and Tanks also destroyed my base.
Construction began once more at the northwest island, producing still more Carriers. The telltale blue sparkles of ComSat revealed my presence, and a drop party of two Goliaths and a Tank landed in my base. The three Carriers, one new, destroyed the entire team before taking up a perimeter patrol. After I ran out of minerals, I sent them to the shore, where all but one was destroyed. Although heroic, his efforts were not enough to stop Breeze.
Three Dropships unloaded this payload of Goliaths onto my island, and we allied as my concession.
In the post-game chat, we discussed very little strategy, but I am to tell you that Breeze actually sucks at StarCraft. Furthermore, I didn't want to look at the scores, so I don't have a screenshot of that.
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