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Hi, I'm Bobo. This is my first battle report I've written, and depending on how I liked it, I may or may not write more ;)
This battle report consists of two games, neither of them particularly exciting (hey, you gotta start somewhere!).
And so the story begins..

I was on a high. I felt like I could take on the world in a game of StarCraft and still come out victorious. I needed to get beatdown, and fast, before I took all my clothes off and ran outside because of the sheer joy of life. So - cruising BattleNet, sifting through so many public games, just looking for that person who would hand me back my ass when we're done.. I found him. I joined the game created by the guy with the most gosu name I had ever witnessed: jhjh~1028 (Yes, apparently purple IS his colour).
He had been all I had hoped him to be, his mighty Zerg eventually crushing my puny Protoss (despite his saying he was merely lucky - Hey, I told you there were some polite Koreans out there!). But anyway, after before-mentioned ass-caning, I thought I would write a battlereport. jhjh~1028 was my champion, for me to unleash onto the public and dictate his every move he made to victory.

So, after a little "persuasion" I managed to get him into a game of Lost Temple with me obsing.

Game 1: The nightmare begins..

Our first contender was a character by the name of ktj900, who had some pretty outrageous demands, considering he was still downloading the map:

Finally, the game began. jhjh~1028 chose Zerg and drew the 6:00 start position (purple - of course!). ktj900 chose Protoss as his preferred race, and warped in a brown Nexus at 3:00.

And from the first five seconds, I had already picked the winner of this game. ktj900 seemed to be comtemplating REALLY hard about which probe to send to which mineral deposit, because THEY WEREN'T MOVING. Eventually, when jhjh~1028's overlord was about half-way over to the 9:00 start position, he finally dragged each probe (very slowly I might add) over to his minerals.

jhjh~1028 doesn't know any of this is going on, so he isn't rolling around on the ground in hysterical fits like I was, he was busy hatching drones. On his 9th drone he started making another Overlord instead of making his first building, and also discovered an empty space at 9:00, forcing his scouting Overlord to fly all the way up to 12:00.
At about this time, ktj900 had 6 probes, and he began to warp in an Assimilator on his geyser. Maybe he was planning the fabled Gosu-Carrier-Rush™ ? Well, whatever he was thinking, he was sure doing a good job of ruining any chance of victory.

jhjh~1028 soon begins his first building - a second Hatchery at the top of his ramp. ktj900 makes a pylon (wow! there's hope for him yet!) at the base of his ramp shortly after.

All is still quiet though, and neither of the players have scouted each other as of yet. jhjh~1028 proceeds to pop up a Spawning Pool, and an Extractor, while ktj900 makes another *gasp* Pylon at the left side of his main.

As you can see, ktj900's first REAL building was.. a Forge. Followed closely by a Gateway, and a cannon at the base of his ramp. jhjh~1028 had just begun to send an Overlord in to check out what was going on inside the enemy's perimeters, but as soon as it spied the cannon warping in, it began to cowardly run away again.

This is when jhjh~1028 decided it was time to strike. He had been quietly massing about 12 zerglings which he told to run up and regroup outside ktj900's base. Would one cannon and a single building zealot be enough to survive the onslaught? Would ktj900 prove to be the ultimate micro king ? I severly doubt it :\

The zerglings charged in, and killed the cannon before the zealot could arrive, then proceeded to tear down ktj900's pylon. Then, the pack ran directly up through the enemy base, past his buildings and straight into his defenceless Probes - while the Zealot finally showed his face popping out of the Gateway. The probes and the zealot fought back hard, and took the lives of almost all the zerglings, but it was too late. More zergling reinforcements arrived and began to raze the rest of ktj900's buildings.

Then, ktj900 promptly left the game without even so much as a GG. Since that game sucked so much, I didn't bother to take shots of the scores. Okay, I forgot! Enough with the third degree!!

Here's your complimentary Animated mini-map:

Well, suffice to say I wasn't particularly pleased with that game, so with more "persuasion" (A'hyuck hyuck!) I set up a second game.

Game 2: The chobo god has smiled upon us.

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, someone finally joined. With an unpronouncable name and a tendency to blurt out random gibberish at will, KJTJKTRI;OFGIOT (From now on known as KJT) looked like a serious contender for the biggest eejit I had met all day.

Oh well, on with the game. jhjh~1028 went random, and landed at 3:00 (somehow magically choosing purple again), and the red KJT chose terran then set up camp at 9:00.

KJT decides he needs reconnaissance very early on, and sends one of 4 SCV's away immediatly to scout upon entering the game. He continues by making one more SCV with his spare 50 minerals, and tells him to begin harvesting with the other three. jhjh~1028 builds his first pylon at 8 control then sends his probe up to 12:00 to see if anybody is home. It's then that I realise why KJT began scouting so early.. sending his SCV in random directions, he seemingly DOESN'T know the map!

KJT seems to be also refusing to make ANYTHING until his scv has arrived at it's destination, because he's still mining with 4 SCVs with no extra buildings while jhjh~1028 warps in two gateways. jhjh~1028 also stops to tell his probe to check for any activity at 6:00.
Then KJT's devious plan hatches. His "scouting" SCV wasn't in fact scouting at all! It was just looking for a suitable place to EXPAND. As soon as it reaches the 12:00 main, it begins a second Command Centre! KJT seems confident now that he obviously has the upper hand, and actually begins to make a 5th SCV at his main.
jhjh~1028 starts Zealot production, and posts them at the top of his ramp to block any unwanted traffic. After scouting 6:00 to find nothing, his probe makes its way over to 9:00 to check what KJT is doing.. but upon arriving, he is mystified at only finding 5 SCVs and the beginning of a Barracks.

You can see jhjh~1028's Cybernetics Core warping in here too, and he's also built an Assimilator and begun harvesting some vespene.
KJT started building a barracks at 12 when his SCV finished the CC up there, and a single marine popped out of KJT's barracks at his main to begin to chase away jhjh~1028's unwelcome probe. But, as his marine went down his ramp in hot pursuit, it ran right into two incoming Dragoons and two Zealots! jhjhjh~1028~1028's force made it's way up KJT's ramp and waited while another two goons and a zealot caught up with them.

At this point, KJT had only a single marine to defend his main, and jhjh~1028 wasn't gonna give him any mercy. Four Dragoons and two Zealots stormed into the midst of his base, and began to decimate all of his property. The poor marine didn't stand a chance. KJT attempted to fly his CC and barracks to safety, but the dragoons stopped them in their hover-tracks.
When jhjh~1028 had killed off both the CC and Barracks, he let out a sigh, as the ".. has been eliminated" message didn't pop up.
During the battle, KJT had decided he needed yet another command centre, this time at 12's natural. His mentality amazed me, for obviously, MORE CC = BETTER CHANCE OF VICTORY. Unfortunately, whoever told him this forgot to mention that you actually need to have some units to back up your command centres.

jhjh~1028 figured it was time to warp in a Stargate and a Citadel of Adun now, while KJT posted 3 weary marines at the ramp of his new main, at 12:00. As soon as KJT finished his CC at his new natural, it lifted off, and began to float west, only to land right beside his existing one at 12..
jhjh~1028 didn't want any pesky probes coming back and rebuilding at 9:00, so he positioned his units at the top of the ramp there.

This is when jhjh~1028 found him. He had been sending dragoons to all the mineral patches around the map (apart from the islands), and one of them ran straight into a bunch of 8 marines atop 12's ramp. Upon killing the dragoon, KJT decides to put his marines into a very gosu S-shape formation, as seen below.

jhjh~1028 sends a single scout below the enemy base, and round the back to the top left island while his dragoon and zealot force begins to bunch up just out of range of KJT's ramp.
He then sends the scout into the back of KJT's base and begins attacking his mining SCVs.. which sparked an instant reaction in all the little red marines marching away from his ramp, and up to the back of his base. As I'm sure you can guess, jhjh~1028 had a good snicker that it actually worked, and chaos insued. I'll let the pictures speak for me (Hell, everyone loves pictures don't they?)

Now, in another show of brightness, KJT ordered his marines backward with the MOVE command, so a few of his marines were dead before they even started to attack the incoming horde. By this time, KJT must have decided that he was gonna lose after all, and figured he might aswell be annoying as he can by pausing the game three times while jhjh~1028 unpaused it.
Anyway, all KJT's buildings were razed to the ground fairly quickly, and he didn't say a word the whole match either. Here's the scores:

Well, there you are, I tried. Oh, how I tried..
By the way, If any GOOD players actually want me to battlereport them, please refrain from telling me to go @#$% myself like usual, and maybe I might actually do a half decent job of it!

Thanks to:
Bob_the_Newt for the Obs version of Lost Temple;
[Your Name Here] for reading this :)

~> Bobo.

Bobo's StarCraft Page

bobo_nz@hotmail.com