"i support a woman's right to give me head"
-Casper...
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| Monty Pylon gets medieval on a Traitors @ss | | | Author: | | | IP: | gateway.XXXX | | Date: | 11/04/00 11:11 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 7, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for Monty Pylon: 6.0390 |  | MONTY PYLON GETS MEDIEVAL ON A TRAITORS ASS
I know that I've done three of these in the passed week but this particular report just had to be written. I was cruisin the digital highways and byways of of battle.net and I wanted to get involved in a good game. I saw a lot of BGH and not much else. I then stumbled upon a game entitled : 2v2@temple. A team temple game, how wonderful. I joined and was seated in the last slot. It was TvB division and my partner was TJ6578 or TJ from now on. We would be pitted against Rocko and Devoid. I selected my terran faction while TJ elected to lead a zerg brood. Devoid elected to lead the protoss to victory while his partner, Rocko, allowed fate to choose for him.
The game began with my center landing at 3 and TJ's hatchery morphed at 6. We began peon builds and he informed me that his strategy was mass cracklings and mutas. I told him that I was interested in an air force and he told me to scout to the north while he looked west.
As my wall in of a barracks, depot and a bunker began, I sent a lone scv out on patrol to the north. There I found a fellow terran, Rocko also building a wall in. His barracks and depot were complete but he left just enough room for me to squeeze by. I scout the interior to find him working on a refinery and a bay. I sent the scv to the far west cliff of his main and was not pursued. Perhaps he did not see me. Against my better judgement I remembered a strat called "creeping the terran" and decided to use that principle.
For those who do not know "creeping the terran" it involes sneaking a drone into a terran base. From there you build a hatch in a far corner. You continue attacking the front of his base with a few lings to draw attention while you hatch a small army from your hatch inside his main. Throw up a few sunkens and attack from the front and back with lings. End result…his ass is dead.
I built a barracks in the far corner and sent about 3-4 marines and a medic to cause trouble at his ramp. The barracks completed and I began to mass produce marines and a few medics. Outside his choke I gathered a force of about ten marines and three medics. After a few minutes I had 12 marines and 3 medics inside his base and 14 marines and 4 medics outside his main. A quick comsat revealed that I outnumbered him 2 to 1 and his factory was only at 50%. The attack began and I my troops inside his main to attack the factory. Then I had my outside forces attack his ramp. The end result was chaos. He didn't know what was going on. I destroyed the factory and attacked his troops from the rear. My other marines had just cleared the ramp of 2 barracks and 3 depots. With his troops dead we headed for the command center. He began screaming that I was a hacker and that I was a cheating bastard. A bastard..maybe, but cheating God forbid. An scv attemping to escape the carnage found my hidden barracks and the accusations stopped. Even his partner was laughing at him and said that he was the "stupidest motherfucker in the history of this fucking game". His center burst into flames and exploded were it sat. 1 down and 1 to go. Or so I thought.
I sat back to expand and to tech. I took my natural and the 12 natural and defended each with tanks from my two brand new factories. At my main and expansions I set up tight defense of turrets and bunkers to protect from heavy air. I always set my base with small turret and bunker placements throughout my bases. It helps in case of a drop or air rush situation.
Anyway, with money pouring in I decided to start that air force. I began construction on 3 starports and 2 armories. When the starports were complete, I added towers and built a science facility with a physics lab. Then slowly and steadily I began my battlecruiser fleet with my armories upgrading them.
At this point the game is about 40 minutes old. I look over at my partner to see he has expanded quite a bit. He has taken his natural, the southern island and his mineral only. He has a total of 1 hive, 1 lair, and about eight hatcheries. He has teched to cracklings and mutas with a very, very large number of each. I guess he has about 80 lings and 25 mutas. I know that Devoid is protoss and that he is also at 9. I comsat the area and find he has taken his natural and his mineral only. I have a marine watching the 12 main and I have a lone wraith at the northern island so this is all he has. I see he has gone for heavy protoss ground. He has a large number of archons at least 10-12. He has DT's wandering his base and he has reavers and a whole lot of goons.
I ask my partner if he is ready to attack and he says yes. I tell him to attack from the south with mutas and attack the mineral only with craclings because cracklings own goons. I say that I will attack his natural and his main from the north. My partner says nothing. I ask him, "did you get all that?" Still no answer. Then he cuts off vision with me. This is not good. I comsat his natural choke and see an endless river of mutas. I comsat the protoss choke to see mass goons and archons rushing towards me. I cancel ally and brace for the impact.
About a minute passes as the two forces meet to attack. All availabe scvs are sent to the front lines. My battlecruisers, which now number at 15 and are 3/3/3 head for the front. Turrets are raised and medics are called up. I also build two nuke silos and order up as many nukes and ghosts my supply limit will offer. I crack my knuckles and get ready to micro.
A slight breeze runs over the valley of the lost temple. The proud statues of fallen protoss warriors are the only witnesses to the treachery of TJ. The fallen protoss also sigh as they witness the corruption of young Devoid, who joins forces with the zerg. I wait for what seems like an eternity and then in a move so treacherous that Brutus, Benedict Arnold and Judas Iscariot were left shaking their heads in disbelief, TJ's swarm attacked me.
The cracklings rushed forward and were met by heavy siege fire. The marines and firebats inside the bunkers unleashed a plague of hot, molten death from flame throwers and guasse rifles. Battlecrusiers opened fire on the moving ocean of zerg. Lasers cut lines in the wave of ravenous teeth and claws. Scvs scramble to repair the bunkers in the heat of battle. Screams of dying zerglings filled the air. Then the air was pierce with the moan of mutalisks. They swepted down upon the battlecruisers and the bunkers below. Turrets open fire and a halo of missiles fill the air. Enraged the mutalisks attack the missile towers but get caught in a mesh of bunkers and turrets. The mutalisks are gunned down one by one as the air and ground are soaked with the smell of blood. At the front the lines are holding and the men are killing many zerg but more and more and more keep arriving. The screams of the zerg are now mixed with the sounds of metal and machinery as the protoss arrive with goons and archons. The battlecruisers seen the hazy form of the archons and immediately charge the yamoto guns. A blaze of molten nuclear energy surges across the sky as the archons meet thier destiny as they evaporate into smoke filled air. Shuttles of reavers are also targeted and are disintegrated along with their precious cargo. The front is still holding but a tide of lings and goons are still advancing. The battlecruisers have taken a lot of damage and are pulled back for repairs. A lone ghost cloaks and moves to the cliff overlooking the battle. He readies a laser and aims it in the middle of the goon and ling army. A second ghost is air dropped behind the advancing enemy army and aims a laser at the last goon in the pack. "NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED" flashes across the screen. The lings turn to run but the goons are blocking the way. The goons try to run but stumble into each other in the confusion. It looks like a scene from the last judgement as the once massive army struggles to escape but they are trapped because of their numbers. Like Zeus's lightning bolt a missles falls from the heavens and in a great pillar of fire and death it consumes everything in its path. Half of the army is dead and the other half is wounded. The massed army tries to flee but a second nuke drops upon the survivors and in one fail swoop a great silence covers the fields of the lost temple. The terran forces look out upon the ruins and see they have survived to live another day. The once great army now stands as a puddle of blood that stains and soaks into the ground. The brave commander Monty Pylon, stands over his armies and surveys the victory and shouts for all to here:
"YEAH! FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER! BRING IT ON BITCH! BRING IT ON! I'LL KICK YOUR ASS AGAIN! FUCK YOU!
With a great victory I intended to follow it up with another. I send my now repaired battlecruiser fleet to attack the zerg main. With the fleet I send a mobile repair crew of five scv's and six medics. To attack the protoss I send a small battlecruiser fleet and two ghosts with orders to nuke. My ghost arrive first and I launch nukes at his natural defense line. The nukes destroy the cannons and the two archons standing guard. My battlecruiser fleet engage the zerg main defenses of spore colonies and not much else. A few remaining zerglings mill around and the age old adage is called to mind. Rock beats scissors but cruiser beats zergling. The zerg main is leveled by my fleet with little resistance. The hive is destroyed with yamoto guns and the natural and mineral only expansions fall with no losses to my fleet. Back at the protoss end 2 more nukes are built and level a quarter of the main and its buildings. Among the losses are a gate, a damaged archive and a forge. A small BC fleet of four ships attack pylons with yamoto and render the base unpowered. At this point Devoid actually apologizes for teaming with my partner and congratulates me on my win. I accept the apology and we part on neutral terms. As for my traitor sonovabitch partner, I send my BC fleet to surround the small southern island expansion he still has. The sight of BC's surrounding him is enough to try and bribe me.
"PLZ DON"T KILL. I'LL ALLY WITH YOU"
Can you fuckin believe this little chicken shit motherfucker.
I tell him that I'd be happy too but I need him to give me vision as a sign of good faith. He does give me vision which gives me an excellent shot at his five spore colonies. (I used my comsats to search the map if you were wondering.) I kill his pool and then get ready to kill his hatch when he quits.
GAME OVER ASSHOLE
FUCK YOU VERY MUCH
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