"open up a can of ownage"
-~CattleBruiser~
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| SPAM WARS Episode VI: Return of the ASDF | | | Author: | | | IP: | gateway.XXXX | | Date: | 02/24/01 09:02 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 5, Min: 5
Lifetime Rating for Monty Pylon: 6.0390 |  | For the readers and the raters, please read the other two parts to this or it will make little sense. For those who have read the others, please enjoy.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…..
SPAM WARS
Episode VI: Return of the ASDF
Things are looking bleak for our heros and the rebellion. Slings was captured and frozen in yoo-hoo, and now hangs on the wall of Scarab the Shack. The Empire has begun construction on a new space station that will be more powerful than the first. This new weapon will spell the certain doom for the rebels. Iggy has progressed in the ways of the ASDF and is almost ready to become a ASDF Samurai. He has set off to find Slings and return him to the rebel fleet. He has returned to his home planet to face the evil gangster, Scarab the Shack.
The desert road to Scarab's palace is one that few enjoy venturing on. Iggy's droids, Mark4 and Hawk2-chobo are headed to the palace with a message from Iggy. The two are nervous as they approach the door and knock on the hollow steel.
"I say Hawk2, I have a bad feeling about this."
"Bleep, boop, wrrrr, wah, wah!" -My sensors are picking up newbies, scans also indicate that I can beat every single one of them!"
"I wish I had your confidence, this Scarab is suppose to be a real nasty fellow."
The door swung open, and two guards ordered that they come forward. The droids were lead into a large room, filled with music and laughter. Seated on a throne was Scarab the Shack, large and in charge. He looked down upon these droids who had dared to disturb the festivities.
"Ack, ma newbie, fada? Kay la mafadama."-What is the meaning of these newbies disturbing my sleep? Bring me my fish heads so that I may snack and listen."
"Exhalted and wise Scarab the Shack, I am Mark4 and this is my counterpart, Hawk2-chobo. Our master, Iggy has sent us here, and we are to deliver a message. Well. Hawk2 play the message."
A panel opened on Hawk2's side and a projected message was released. There stood Iggy, in one form anyway, and the hologram began to read the message."
"Greatest Scarab, allow me to introduce myself, I am Iggy, ASDF Samurai and friend to captain Arrows. I know that you are powerful and that your disdain for Arrows is equally powerful. I wish to bargain for Arrows life, I am sure we can find a beneficial solution. As a token of my good will I present you with a gift, these two droids."
"What did he say!"
"Both are hard working, except for the little one. He has an attitude. I'm sure you will find them very useful. Thank you for this time, I hope you will consider this offer."
The picture faded and the room fell silent. Scarab contemplated for a moment and began to laugh. Soon the room filled with laughter and the droids did not like the situation.
"Hahahahaha, afala muso deal. Nela puta Arrows folo bala."-"Ha ha ha ha ha, there will be no deal. I like Arrows were he is, right on my wall."
There on Scarabs wall was Arrows, still frozen in Yoo-hoo. The droids were lead away, but as the guards passed the door, they felt an urge to make a BGH map the likes of which the world had never seen. They hurried off and left their posts unguarded. Iggy and Jamellan snuck in undetected and hid in the dark corridors with the droids. After the party was over, many of the guests were drunk and alseep. The team moved quietly into the throne room and removed Slings from the wall. They melted away the yoo-hoo but found that Slings feet were stuck. The Imperial troops did not shake the bottle as instructed and Slings was caught in a thick pile of chocolate sediment. They hoisted the bottle up and tried to carry him out. What they didn't know was that this was a trap that Scarab had set. Guards rushed the room and trapped them inside.
"Hahahahahaha, puta da buta young Samurai? Kala foodo Arrows, droids, dala Jam. Fado lamasa odalo?"-Ha ha ha ha ha ha, did you think I would not be ready young Samurai? Now I have you all, Arrows, droids and Jam. Do you have any last words fool?"
"I think you should let us go Scarab. If you do not, I will use this thermal detonator!"
"Iggy, where did you get that thing?"
"Jersey, now back off or I will kill us all!"
"Mala foo detonator. Bakla mee rubber ball fooloo allaga magwa."-Fool, that is not a thermal detonator. That is a rubber ball with a piece of tape that says dangerous."
"Yeah, well this stories budget is small, so I had to make due. What do ya think this is? Star Wars? Hey, isn't Elvis!"
"Elvis? Macala suni bakala? Foololaca magorga poola"-Elvis? Isn't he coming next week? I know I sent a ship to get him."
The team ran like hell to their waiting ships and sped fast away. They met with the fleet that had great news. Spies were able to capture the plans of the Empire's newest station and they found that the Emperor would be there personally. They would attack the station with the main fleet and a small band of soldiers will attack the shield batteries on the nearby forest moon of Canada. Slings, Jam, Iggy and the droids would be sent with a small militia to destroy the shield batteries. The fleet set off for the forest moon of Canada with little knowledge that the Emperor was counting on their arrival.
At the station, the Emperor had arrived and was met by Lord GoZ. They plan for the rebel fleet and worked the final details.
"Lord GoZ, you have done well with the construction of this station."
"Thank you, Emperor Newt. Your plans are working as predicted. My agents tell me that the rebel fleet is headed for our position."
"Soon, the rebels shall be crush and young Iggy shall be one of us."
"As you command my emperor. Are you sure that he will turn to the powers of the dark side?"
"He will turn or he will be destroyed, either way his threat to us shall be eliminated. Go now and await for his arrival on Canada."
"He shall come to me? How can you be so sure."
"I have foreseen it in the script. He shall come, and then you will through me into the reactor. Wait a minute, that doesn't sound right. Oops, wrong script, my bad. Okay, on second thought, you should just stay here and wait with me."
"As you command my lord."
The rebel fleet came out of warp and the small band was deployed onto Canada. They made their way to the shield batteries, and ran into a tribe of native aliens. They were known as Ha-key, and the Empire had driven them from their homes. They wished to avenge their losses and joined the rebels. Though their weapons were primative, they did draw fire away from the rebel soldiers so it was mutually beneficial. They came to the shield batteries and found a large Imperial army guarded it. The Ha-key's and rebel's attacked and tried in vain to destroy the batteries. In space, the rebel fleets were ambushed, by waiting Imperial Star wedges that flanked their entire fleet. The rebel's also had to deal with a fully armed and semi operational battle station that made the outside lights blink on and off in a distracting and annoying manner. On Canada, the Imperial troops were slowly being overwhelmed but, the fleets above were running short on time. Suddenly, the batteries shut off and the station was left defenseless.
"What just happened?"
"The batteries sir, they were generic!"
"Noooooooooooooooooo!"
Nothing stops and Energizer, it keeps going and going and going….BLAM BLAM BLAM..go keeps ing go keep go…BLAM BLAM BLAM…wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………..-Sorry people, please continue reading.
"This is General Vegas, the shields are down, commence with the attack. All fighters, head for the huge gapping hole in the bottom."
Emperor Newt and Lord GoZ abandoned the station and evacuated to Canada. There, amidst the fighting they encountered Iggy.
"Now we shall finish what we started, young Iggy."
"Now is your chance to join us young Iggy. Join the power of the darkside."
"Never, I am Samurai and I shall never join you!"
"Very well, Samurai. If you will not be turned, then you will be destroyed!"
Emperor Newt raised his hands to do something evil, but Iggy was one step ahead. He used his ASDF mind warp to grab a mirror and shielded himself from the emperors finger rays of death. The beams shot into the air, caught the wing of a fighter, bounced back to the ground and ricocheted off a rock, slanted forty degrees and bounce off a tree branch, shot passed the base, over the satellite, through a puddle, into a box, onto a cart, over the soldiers, into a cup, behind the mpero and GoZ, nothing but ass. The rays of death incinerated the villains as Jam commented.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLMMMMMMM!-That was kick ass, I bet it would make for a cool BR, but what should I call it? Laser death guy? Ray man? I guess I'll think of a name."
With the Empire destroyed and good triumphing evil, the rebels lit a great bon fire to celebrate. Iggy and his friends watched the fireworks and partied like it was 3499. The embodiments of Iggy and Yoda were there too and gave countless atomic wedges to the embodiments of GoZ and Emperor Newt.
The End???
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