There are some people you can’t argue with. People so stubborn headed and misguided, no matter how badly they lose at something, they REFUSE to admit it. Such a person calls for a far more round about way of making them look stupid. Today’s main event ladies and gentlemen? Hawk loses.

It all started approximately 2 months ago, when Hawk was being far more annoying than usual on the forum and many people, including myself, were getting a little too sick of him. Fortunately for me, Hawk made the mistake of giving out his AIM name on the Forum. Since Hawk had NEVER talked to me on AIM before and had NO idea who I was, I decided now was the time to have a little fun… (btw: me = PiccoloCV, Hawk = FWTBT)

piccoloCV: yo
FWTBT: WHO R U
piccoloCV: hey
piccoloCV: i am new battle reporter
piccoloCV: to br.com
piccoloCV: and i heard you were good
piccoloCV: can i br you?
FWTBT: uhhh when?
piccoloCV: whenever you have time, you may have to find opponent since i dont know anyone to ask to chalange you
FWTBT: how'd you hear i was good?
piccoloCV: i was talking with people about good macroers
piccoloCV: and someone mentioned NHers
FWTBT: who were you talking to?
piccoloCV: some random ppl in NH
FWTBT: k and they mentioned me?
piccoloCV: one of them did
FWTBT: who?
piccoloCV: and they said u can be mean to newbs but are good
FWTBT: lol
piccoloCV: so do you think we could set up a br?
FWTBT: ya ok
FWTBT: not today though
piccoloCV: k
piccoloCV: tomorrow?
FWTBT: maybe
piccoloCV: k
piccoloCV: we talk later
FWTBT: yup
FWTBT: k


Now if there is one thing I have learned about Hawk, it is he can NOT resist the chance to look good. His life has been nothing more but one big cry for attention, and good old me was ready to provide him with all the “glory” he wanted. A few days later, I decided to kiss more ass and get him to trust me 100%….


piccoloCV: hey, i never got the chance to BR you =[
FWTBT: no =[[[
piccoloCV: when are u going to be on bnet soon?
FWTBT: I dunno lemme add you
piccoloCV: k
FWTBT: k
piccoloCV: =]
FWTBT: hmmm
FWTBT: k now that i got you
FWTBT: i can msg u when im about to go on
FWTBT: but im not going on tonight
piccoloCV: ok!
piccoloCV: ok, thats fine
piccoloCV: just lemme know another time
FWTBT: k
FWTBT: thx
FWTBT: ;P


Hmm, apparently me seeming so eager to watch a true “master” SC player in action has prompted Hawk to resort to gay AIM smileys and even prompted to add me to his buddy list. Wow, aren’t I special? Now that I essentially had the simple minded creature convinced that my sole purpose in life was to battlereport him, it would be impolite of me to fail to follow through on my promise, now wouldn’t it?

piccoloCV: do you think this weekend i could finally BR you?
FWTBT: omg hey
FWTBT: ^^
FWTBT: in 10 mins find me game k
piccoloCV: sadf
piccoloCV: i cant tonight
piccoloCV: but tomorrow
FWTBT: ooo
FWTBT: mb
piccoloCV: =
piccoloCV: ok, well talk
FWTBT: k




Now that I had the game set up, it was time for part II of my plan…

I was now more convinced than ever that Hawk was even more emotionally immature than his age would imply. My constant badgering to BR someone as “good” as him had made me his new best friend, all that was left was to make him as cocky as possible and let his ego do the rest. And I could think of no better way of making Hawk cocky then giving him exactly what he wanted…. a win. I talked to some of my friends from Nohunters who were definitely above average players but no where near to the caliber of players Hawk had claimed to have beaten in the past. It did not take me long to find someone who wanted to help Hawk be put in his place and soon the perfect opponent was set up. I decided that Hawk’s natural tendency to show superiority to others, especially people like Koreans, having my friend pose as a non English speaking Korean would put him least on his guard. Thus, Gi… HiSuNg! was created, how more Korean can you get?

My friend and I agreed early that the first game should be thrown, and Hawk should be convinced to do a rematch, the best way to make him think a win was a sure thing. We arranged a Terran vs Protoss matchup, and Gi… HiSuNg! made sure that after seeing templar tech from Hawk, detection was left unaccounted for.

After giving a GG, Gi… HiSuNg! stated that he was in fact a “zerg user”, prompting Hawk’s “shit eater” response. Now it was a simple matter to convince Hawk to do a second game, easily achieved yet again with me spouting on and on about how great it was, and another game would make him look any better.

Putting The “Newbie” in Hawk…

---

piccoloCV: yo
piccoloCV: do u have 30 min to spare
piccoloCV: to do game 2?
FWTBT: hi
FWTBT: no
FWTBT: =[
piccoloCV: asdf
piccoloCV: not even 15 min game?
piccoloCV: you would rape
FWTBT: tommorow
FWTBT: :p
piccoloCV: i just need another game to make litte longer
piccoloCV: =[
piccoloCV: i could finish br tonight if so ^^
FWTBT: sdfsdlfsf
FWTBT: sfsdfs;dfskdf;skdf;sdf;sdf
FWTBT: im busyerer
FWTBT: ur tricky
FWTBT: =[
piccoloCV: =[
FWTBT: tommoorow?
piccoloCV: huk
piccoloCV: ill be at classes all day
FWTBT: dude i <3 u
piccoloCV: =
FWTBT: itll work 0ut
piccoloCV: bleh
FWTBT: k?
FWTBT: np
FWTBT: btw
piccoloCV: what are you doing?
FWTBT: if u think its too short
FWTBT: add a post game thoughts
piccoloCV: thats so important
FWTBT: or something
piccoloCV: heh
FWTBT: interview
piccoloCV: post game thoughts:
piccoloCV: terran got raped
piccoloCV: =
piccoloCV: 1 quick game!
piccoloCV: i finish br tonight!
FWTBT: =[[[[
FWTBT: it'll take away
FWTBT: if its not as good quality
piccoloCV: but!
piccoloCV: i can dress up
piccoloCV: fancy
FWTBT: how about
FWTBT: an interview
FWTBT: :p
piccoloCV: trust me, it is easy to convince NH newbs that a sucky game is good through brs
piccoloCV: =
FWTBT: u sure u need to do more?
FWTBT: cant u add more text
piccoloCV: yes
piccoloCV: get on now
piccoloCV: 10 min
piccoloCV: u rape
piccoloCV: then i leave u alone
piccoloCV: for rest of night
FWTBT: 1 sec =
piccoloCV: till i let br
piccoloCV: =]
FWTBT: might have game vs slings
FWTBT: but this is much more
FWTBT: this is trash talk
FWTBT: this is a lot more than rape
piccoloCV: hehe
piccoloCV: well, come to NH
piccoloCV: i got guy lined up even
FWTBT: 1 sec
piccoloCV: if slings doesnt work out
piccoloCV: l
FWTBT: lemme finish with wang
FWTBT: and wang gets to obs
piccoloCV: ok
piccoloCV: np
piccoloCV: =]
FWTBT: k =]
FWTBT: tell him 2 mins
piccoloCV: ok



At this point, I am astounded that Hawk has played this well into my hands. God knows if he had ANY idea that I was in fact !Washington!, he wouldn’t come within 100 miles of letting me BR him. Now I had him giving me smiley faces and even telling me he “<3” me. How cute. The ego was prepped, the opponent was set and all that was left was to let Hawk do the rest…

Game One

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Gi… HisuNg! : Chooses Zerg spawns 9:00
Hawk: Chooses Protoss warps in 12:00

”YOUR ALL DAMN NEWBIES WHO SUCK ASS BUT I LOVE BEATING YOU AND U CANNOT OFFEND ME BECAUSE I CAN ALWAYS CALL U NEWBIE” – Hawk

Hawk, knowing his opponent has chosen zerg opts to go with an early zealot rushing build, building his first pylon at his choke and following with dual gates shortly after the pylon finishes. Gi… HisuNg! opts for a safer build of hatch in his main, pool then extractor, allowing a variety of rushing and teching options. Shortly after Gi… HisuNg’s! pool comes online, the first of the early zealots hit his ramp and the first fight breaks out…

Rather than engage the zealots waiting by the gateways at the choke, the zerglings are instead sent running past the choke, up the ramp and into the helpless peon line. After wreaking havoc on the probes, Hawk finally has his zealots arrive at his main and runs his probes, starting a cannon by his gateway at the same time. He is given no chance to regroup however, as while his zealots engage the lings in his main, another wave slam into his gateways and take out the cannon before going to work on the defenseless gateways. While the zealots rush back to the gateways to save his only means of production, the lings in the protoss main again go to work on the probes. Meanwhile, Hawk’s zealots are too slow to stop the zergling onslaught and it is all he can do to watch the pylon supporting his gates succumb to the assault. Gi… HisuNg! calls out a very out of character “GG bastard”, prompting Hawk to respond with an incredulous “pardon?” A rematch is easily set up, especially after I assure Hawk repeatedly that only the games he wins will be Bred, and he has nothing to lose.

Game Two

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”I'm the best toss and best zerg now” – Hawk

Well obviously the great Hawk could not possibly lose that badly to a common Nher two times in a row, right? A certain fluke, certain to not happen again, right? Game two was on…


Gi… HisuNg!: Chooses zerg, spawns 9:00
Hawk: Chooses protoss, warps in 6:00


Once again, Gi… HisuNg! opens with a rather flexible build, going OL, hatch in main, extractor then spawning pool. Hawk again opens with a rather ballsy move, and after declaring to me and Wang that he still does not need to try to win, starts with a pylon, gate, pylon and then nexus at natural opening, trying to gain the early economic advantage. The “Korean” takes quick notice of the early expansion attempt and the lack of a sizable zealot force. Once again testing Hawk’s early game, a sizable force of speedlings are quickly sent to engage the defending zealot. No sooner have the zealots started to attack the zerglings when the crafty Gi… HisuNg! burrows half the lings right at the expansion nexus and send the other half running into the protoss main once again.

From there it is a simple matter of having another batch of lings sent to attack the expansion nexus while Hawk is occupied with the lings in his main. As soon as the 2nd wave arrives, the zerglings in the main peon line burrow, and Hawk is again forced to send his zealots to engage a different batch of lings or lose his nexus. Once the zealots are comfortable away from the peon line, Gi… HisuNg! again unburrows the lings in the protoss main and goes back to work on the probes.

Finally deciding to sacrifice his expansion nexus and save his main, Hawk retreats his zealots and rids himself of the last of the lings, at the same time adding a forge. While he lays down 2 cannons at his choke, a desperate plea to let him have vision is heard. With Gi… HisuNg! having been teching straight to mutas during his first attack and his spire moments away from completing, I decide what’s the harm, and even let Hawk have vision for roughly 5 seconds. With 1 cannon as his sole anti air defense in his main anyways, there is little Hawk can do but watch as his main is once again ravaged.

Now aside from the fact that Hawk got completely obliterated by a common Nher, the funny thing was I had given his opponent strict instructions not to try his hardest up until the final game, which is about to be reported. And of course at this point, Hawk is absolutely enraged at the fact that he has been shown up twice in a row. Reaffirming his belief that he can still rape this “Korean newb” p v z, the final game is arranged…

Game Three: Final Conclusions

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“i am 3-2 vs you me protoss you zerg” – Hawk, to Myst, yet another zerg he claims to be better than

The stage is set and my friend, “Gi… HisuNg!” agree that this will be the game where we finally prove that Hawk simply cannot compete with anywhere near the best in NH, let alone the world. It is important to keep in mind at the same time that Hawk is COMPLETELY convinced that he is playing a non English speaking Korean, prompting this conversation:

Anyways, enough talk, on to the actual game!

Gi… HisuNg!: Chooses Zerg spawns 3:00
Hawk: Chooses Protoss warps in 6:00

Despite his claims that he has not been trying and does not need to, it is quite apparent at this point that Hawk is shaken up and is playing far safer then he normally would. He opens with 8 pylon, then dual gates at 10 and 11 supply. Gi… HisuNg! decides to be more adventurous for once and lays down his hatch at his choke before adding a pool in his main. After seeing the distance between the two hatcheries, Hawk sends his first few zealots and 2 probes in an attempt to force the Zerg to pump lings instead of getting free reign to power. The zealots arrive just as a sunken colony has begun to morph behind the hatchery. When Hawk attempts to take out the sunken before it can come online, a group of lings from Gi… HisuNg’s! main engage the zealots. Realizing that his reinforcement will not come in time and the sunken is too well places, a retreat is called for…

While Gi… HisuNg! adds more lings and prepares to expand to his natural, Hawk decides to continue to pressure the zerg, adding more pylons and pumping constant zealots until he has a sizable force built up. He then sends his forces accompanied by two probes into the choke, only to see a sizable ling and drone support force waiting. With another colony already building, it is only a matter of time before the reinforcing lings are too much, and as Gi… HisuNg! expands to his natural, Hawk is again forced to retreat. While adding an assimilator and beginning up the test tree, the zealots test the defenses at the natural a few more time before Hawk finally decides to retreat his forces.

Following the last attack, Hawk adds a third gateway in his main, opting to mass low level units at the moment. Gi… HisuNg! adds an extractor as his natural comes online and opts to power and tech, leaving a few lings outside the protoss main to warn of an impending attack, and teching to lair and hydralisk den shortly after. Hawk continues to pump zealots and dragoons from his three gateways until he realized how far his opponent has teched, prompting him to yell “SHIT” while quickly adding a citadel of adun. Gi… HisuNg! uses his superior economic advantage to add a spire at the same time. Upon seeing a large dragoon and zealot force finally take off from the protoss main, Gi… HisuNg! quickly ups his defenses to 5 sunkens a variety of lings. A little excessive seeming you ask? Not considering that Hawk had been pumping units pretty much non stop out of 3 gateways. A fierce, yet rather short battle ensues…

Hawk considers attacking the choke again, but moving more of his goons into the natural reveals that the fearsome zerg tech has come into play as subterranean spines assault the dragoon force, and with no form of detection, are moved back to his natural. While Hawk is forced to add cannons back at his main to combat the cloaked threat, Gi… HisuNg! uses his unit advantage to the fullest, adding another hatch in his main while expanding to his mineral only. After a short period of peace, Hawk elects to set a pylon at his choke with plans to expand soon, while at the same time, Gi… HisuNg! begins to put the pressure on the protoss dragoon force, sending out batches of zerglings and lurkers to slowly drive them back. Eventually the zerg force pushes their way into the protoss natural, where the necessary cannons have not finished warping in yet. Hawk is forced to write off his natural and set up cannons and dragoons at his ramp, struggling to fight off the lurker/ling combo. During these course of events, Gi… HisuNg! has also taken the 12:00 main and been pumping mass units to the center of the map. Rather than finish off the helpless Hawk immediately though, the “Korean” decides to continue to power, see if Hawk can possibly find a way out of his predicament. By the time Hawk finally gets an observer, a huge force of over 8 lurkers and lings await in his natural.

The first attempts to rid the force in his natural by Hawk prove mildly successful, as constant reinforcements from 3 gates run over the first few lurkers and lings. However, Gi… HisuNg! has wave after wave of seedlings waiting, and along with a few hydras, the force proves to be too much and once again a protoss retreat to his ramp is in order…

After regrouping his forces, Hawk once again realized how vastly he is being out resourced, and tries to once again push his way into his natural, this time putting a pylon by his naturals extractor and trying to establish cannons to allow him to defend himself more easily. It is a simple matter of sending another wave of hydralisks and mutalisks to take out the cannon and send the protoss force on another mad scramble their ramp. Gi… HisuNg!, growing more and more confident by the second, expands dually to the 12:00 natural and mineral only natural. Hawk, realizing more and more by the second that he is not only being beaten, but severely outclassed and absolutely worked by his opponent offers his 2 cents…

All I can say in response is of course not Hawk, YOU’RE the newbie in this battle. With his minerals in his main running dry and several assurances that I will ONLY br the games he won, Hawk calls out GG and I implore my NH friend to finish him quickly…

In Conclusion

---

My main goal accomplished, now all I needed to do was set Hawk up for a HUGE disappointment. For me, it was a simple matter of dropping various hints which left him all the more confused, check out these little forum posts I dropped for an idea of what I’m talking about…

http://www.battlereports.com/forum.php?postid=122641

http://www.battlereports.com/forum.php?postid=132559

http://www.battlereports.com/forum.php?postid=135932

Even as I type the last of this BR, minutes away from pressing submit, I have taken Hawk off my buddy list, and plan on informing him that good old !Washington! has finished his BR as soon as I see him online again.

So in conclusion, Hawk, you are nothing, you aren’t a godly player, an excellent player or even a good player, your NOT better than us Nhers, as proved by the above rape, you ARE as easy to manipulate as a puppet on a string, and this IS the final counter to anything you have to say… GG NO REMATCH I OWN YOU


-The.Confessor