"His girlfriend just broke up with him. Two days before valentines day. So if I lose, it's out of pity."
- ZerG~LinG's A Broodwar Quickie
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| Rock Paper Scissors: The Match of the Century | | | Author: | | | IP: | dialup-4XXXX | | Date: | 03/22/05 03:03 | | Game Type: | Other | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 5, Max: 10, Min: 5
Lifetime Rating for yoda: 8.2222 |     | BEFORE
YOU READ: a few notes. This battle report is about a rock paper
scissors match and it's aftermath. It took place on March 20th, 2005, a
date that will surely go down in infamy. Seeing as this conflict was
fought on the battlegrounds of AOL instant messanger, much of it has
been presented in chat log format. Notes by the author (me) are
dispersed throughout. I do not guarentee the 100% accuracy of this chat
log, as some parts have been edited out or slightly changed to improve
the flow of the report and maintain clarity in its message. The
(screen)names have been changed to protect the innocent.
For those of you that have been living under a rock for the past 50 years (or perhaps underneath a giant
pile of paper and scissors), rock paper scissors is perhaps THE most
strategically complex game in existance. For the complete rules, see
here. Since its invention in 1793 by Eli Whitney, rock paper scissors (from
now on refered to as "RPS") matches have settled many
a dispute, such
as which ninja turtle is best, who has to pay for this round of drinks,
and World War II.
Our battle tonight begins innocently enough, with a strategic comment
from my good friend sid. We often discuss RPS strategy, so this comment
was nothing out of the ordinary:
sid: scissors rock rock
sid: unbeatable
After doing an in-depth analysis of sid's strategy (using advanced game
theory, several probability simulations i wrote in C++, and the works
of sun tzu), I develop a counter strategy
yoda: rock paper paper
Aha!
sid: but i will know you'll do that
sid: and counter
Herein lies the complexity of RPS, and this helps to illustrate why so
few people truly master the game. But I wish to make my mark on the RPS
community, and what better way than to challenge an established and
respected professional such as sid.
yoda: dangit
yoda: we must settle this score
The guantlet is thrown.
sid: i'll play you right now if you want
whoops
yoda: but not tonight
phew
sid: dodged
yoda: i must have time to prepare
yoda: tomorrow at dusk
sid: nah see that's whre you go wrong
sid: you shouldn't prepare
sid: playing RPS is like being neo in the matrix
sid: just feel it
sid: think long think wrong
yoda: fine
yoda: lets do it
yoda: best of 5
sid: who will moderate
yoda: mumin moderates
For those of you who have not had the pleasure of meeting mumin, he is
one of the most respected moderators in the RPS community. Actually,
he's just a crazy swede that sid and I know. he frequently gets
confused and says funny things so i thought he'd be a good
candidate.
sid, however, doubts his moderating abilities.
sid: i doubt he knows what we're talking about
sid: the swedish equivalent is probably stone/fjord/horse
I have faith in my mumin though, and I decide to go ahead and see if
he's up for the job.
yoda: your assistance is needed
mumin: :+
yoda: do you have rock paper scissors in svenskarlund?
NOTE: "svenskarlund" is how the swedish people refer
to their home country.
mumin: ye "sten sax påse"
yoda: i need you to moderate
yoda: for me and sid
yoda: best of 5
mumin: where is this rock paper scissors taking place!
yoda: on the interweb
mumin: where :P
It took a good 10 minutes to explain the concept to our good friend
mumin, but eventually he caught on.
yoda: you tell us both round 1
yoda: and then after both of us declare
yoda: you tell us who won
yoda: or if its a tie
yoda: and then do next round
yoda: ok?
mumin: ROUND 1
The game had begun. It took me a minute or two to analyze what sid
thought, what he thought I thought, what he thought I thought he
thought, and what he thought I thought he thought I thought he thought.
Iin the end, all roads led to a single answer, and my choice was
clear:
yoda: paper
For those of you who are new to RPS, I'll give you a little insight
into the thought process behind my choice. First off, minutes ago sid
messaged me saying his scissors, rock, rock strategy was unbeatable. He
had infact crushed another mutual friend of ours 3-0 in a game I
moderated using that very sequence. However it would be TOO obvious for
him use it again, with it fresh in both of our minds.
I
also knew that sid knows me pretty well. He knows I'm an asshole, and
that I like to get cute when I'm involved in any type of competition.
And what would be cuter than beating him with his own strategy?
Therefore, he thought that I would open with scissors. Of course the
counter
to scissors is rock, therefore he would pick rock. This is how I
arrived at paper. apparently, I chose wisely.
mumin: YODA 1 - SID 0
mumin: more rounds :(?
Mumin was a little confused again, but I knew we could get through it
together.
yoda: yes
yoda: best of 5
mumin: GOGOGOGO ROUND 2
See? He catches on quick.
I had outsmarted sid on round one but the battle was far from over. I
needed to get inside his head again, and not only know what he was
thinking, but why he was thinking it. I needed to BE sid.
Iinstead, I grabbed a dice that was sitting on my desk, assigned 2
numbers to each play, and rolled it. A 2 landed.
yoda: rock
mumin: YODA 2 - SID 0
Ii had taken a commanding lead and only needed one more win for my
victory to be complete. Using my strategy from round 2, I was sure to
win at least one more round before sid managed to win three in a row. Or was I? DUN DUN DUNNNNN
Round 3 brought a tie, with me rolling a 1 to pick rock and sid picking
the same. On the round 3 rematch, I rolled a 4 to get paper. Sid's
scissors cut me and brought the score to 2-1.
I rolled another 1 on round four and sid picked paper to cover (????
whatever) my rock.
The game was tied up at 2-2. Next person to win would be crowned grand
champion of RPS and probably become rich and famous. I wanted it BAD.
tension was in the air.
mumin: OMGOMG LAST ROUND
But the end was not here, at least not yet. Something curious happened. We tied the next three rounds.
yoda: rock
mumin: tie
yoda: rock
mumin: TIE
yoda: paper
mumin: sid: paper
mumin: OK IM NOT GONNA KEEP THIS UP
mumin: GO
Let me explain to the slower people out there exactly what happened. For the
first tie, I selected the rock randomly using my dice. At that point I
realized, though, that the match was MUCH to important to leave in the
hands of lady luck. Therefore I elected to use the "pick the same one
twice in a
row strategy, because he'll never be expecting that!". Sid,
apparently,
came up with the same plan and as a result we tied again.
Now
we both think of eachother as very crafty and clever players. Players
capable of picking the same thing 3 (YES THREE) times in a row. That is
what led us to the paper decision and our third tie. These
repeated ties left me with an idea. A way I could get the best of sid
and prove my RPS superiourity once and for all.
yoda: dude
yoda: lets keep tying
yoda: just to mess with him
sid: sure, do what?
yoda: rock
sid: k
Now
we both like to play tricks on mumin. an angry mumin is probably
one of the most amusing things I'll ever see, and an opportunity to
make him go beserk is rarely passed up. However, one of the few things
I enjoy more than an angry mumin is a defeated sid. His eager response
made me believe that he was pretending to play along, and would infact
cover my rock again if I went with the plan. Therefore I picked
scissors to cut him up and take the match.
Unfortunately,
things did not go according to plan. He saw right
through my scheme of making him pick rock, and assumed I'd pick paper.
He too, picked scissors, and we unwittingly tied for a fourth time. In
hindsight, going with rock would have been the least obvious (and best
play), as neither of us thought the other was stupid enough to go with
what we had agreed to. The match was still tied at 2-2, however we had
accidentaly accomplished our unintended goal
mumin: haha yeye U BOTHE R SO FUNNY WASTING MY TIME, BYE
yoda: mumin
yoda: we need to finish this
yoda: its important
mumin: OK IT IS LAST CHANCE
I had managed to convince our moderator to stick around, but I needed
to finish sid off. And fast. I was at a loss for what to play so I
resorted to the dice trick again. It was a 3.
yoda: paper
mumin: sid: scissors
mumin: sid win haha NOOB
I was defeated. I have brought shame upon my ancestors. I hung my head,
and felt little consolation from sid's words:
sid: gg, well played
sid: you're a worthy foe
Thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoyed getting inside the head
of a RPS master.
Coming soon (maybe): the rematch!
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