"A true veteran - grizzled, weathered, and battered by one too many plasma bolts to retain his fertility, Mep is the ultimate God of Nohunters"
-|]agomar
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| 1:1 in the Desert: A College Battlereport | | | Author: | | | IP: | resnet.aXXXX | | Date: | 09/05/06 11:09 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 4, Max: 6, Min: 3
Lifetime Rating for chobopeon: 5.5000 |     |
I'm going to start this by saying that I won't be saying the real name of the college. Last year someone got in serious trouble for a picture on facebook that showed alcohol on campus. Fuck that. You'll get the idea.
College should be a four year blur.
Maybe not, but there should be ample opportunity to party. And for obvious reasons! You and a few thousand horny 17 to 20-something year old kids are living on their "own" for the first time in their lives. You've grown up on movies that show you a life of constant house parties and fucking that is college. You're ready man. You bring your bong. The beers gonna be flowing the first night! You can't wait for the frat parties, the flyers advertising beer pong (or "beirut" if you're a douche bag), the early class hangovers, the constant sex. You're ready! You're excited!
You attend a school with a dry campus policy.
FUCK.
Attaining alcohol can be potentially challenging for a freshman in the first few days or weeks anyway - there can be confusion as to where the alcohol will come from, where to drink exactly and a sense of paranoia that has yet to fade.
But a dry campus?
FUCK.
You're pretty sure they're not fucking around, either. The fraternities here are more like charitable organizations than anything you've ever heard called a frat. The sororities are more akin to 1950's racial segregation advocates than the houseful of kinky sluts you wanted.
You spend your days driving around town. Movies, movies, chinese, movies. Strangely, all of these movies depict smoking weed and fighting monkeys. They show us the joys of buying a lion in an urban setting from an African you met while high. Man, you were just chilling in your house and the king of the jungle was fucking outside!
These movies don't really make the situation any easier, for God's sake.
And then, your friend mentions a little thing they bought to school. Her mini-bowl. She didn't want to bring anything else for fear of getting "caught". They don't strip search you here, bitch! Fuck.
Sure, its the smallest bowl you've ever seen, but it is a bowl!
You find "Josh." Josh is the world's greatest exaggerator. He's been legally dead for days, man. He's knocked out a drill sergeant, man. He's totally got weed, man. And in a little bit he's gonna bring pounds of amazing pot on campus and start selling to everyone! Man!
Upon finally finding Josh, you see that all he has is the smallest amount of weed ever smoked with a noticeable positive result. It goes wonderfully with your smallest-bowl-ever. Of course, you are getting it for free so you cannot complain to him. He is not at fault anymore than anyone else, anyway.
The days go in a blur (in the worst way). You plan a weekend at home because you're sure nothing will happen on campus.
You hear talk of the club "Dublin". Maybe, if it really comes down to it, you'd go to a club. It has a bar, so why not try? Of course, you don't have a fake ID and it would require some work to get one.
Hanging out in a friends room one dreary Thursday night, one of your friends goes outside to smoke a cigarette.
She returns with news of a beer run! Who?! What?! Where?
We go outside. Waiting for us, smoking cigarettes, are girl-from-english-class girl, theatre-kid boy and exchange-student-from-prague man.
On the way, we pass a group discussing the recent rash of jungle fever overtaking the campus. That, however, is for another time.
We discuss where to go. 7-11? They're open late. My friend from Indonesia has a car!
We take the obligatory 30 minutes to get change and gather all required funds for the beer run. They're off!
As they leave we are starkly reminded of the paranoia we have suffered by a campus security SUV driving past us. Shit! Where are we even going? We can't stay on campus.
After a short wait in a friends room, we get the call. Meet us in Cafeteria X! We go - where we get the second call: Meet us in parking lot F!
In an attempt to look innocent, our group of 7 teens wearing hoodies and standing in the darkest area in the parking lot gather around the car carrying our beer. We continue to stand there while we formulate a plan.
We can't stay on campus, there just isn't anywhere safe. We'll get in so much trouble for drinking on our college campus, so where could we go?
There's an elementary school right over there! Oh yes.
We unload the beer in white, see through bags. You shake your head and mumble something about them being under the influence of being a jerk.
Our two leaders, english-class girl and theatre-kid boy, tell us that they know the way!
We can't possibly just walk over the elementary school in broad (night) light! Here, here, there's a secret path.
Holy shit, you say, either side is the fucking abyss. You are surrounded by haunting trees, darkness and a strange feeling that today was not the day to wear flip flops.
"I know the way!"
Well, okay theatre-kid boy.
And we're off. The walk is characterized by you constantly reminding the girls how many horror movies start off this way. Is that a foot?
Oh shit, wrong way. The school is the OTHER abyss. Fuck.
You turn around. You all duck once for a passing security car. Close one, but we're alright.
A fence! You all eventually get over the 4 foot obstacle and head out into the field to celebrate, long after classes had begun, the real start to college.
Theatre-kid rehearses a monologue from Shakespeare, someone tells a story about almost being arrested while tripping of mushrooms, you tell the tale of your ridiculous and regrettable high school party gone awry. You pee - no hands ma, look!
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