Well this is my second attempt at my second battle report. My first attempt at a second attempt was erased courtesy of Netscape crashing, which caused me to pound on my computer and therefore crash Linux. I had to do intensive system error checking, after which I calmed down by pulling my hair out slowly and here I am again, back in business.
I do not have any interest in making a report with pictures, since despite loading my first BR with pictures, nobody really cared, and my favourite BR author AQD3 gets away with it, so with apologies to his style infringement, I partake in my own BR to pass the time of the mundane Monday.
I started playing Brood Wars on Wednesday evening after realizing I could not sleep due to being sick. So as the hours passed on into 3AM, I found that I could not get any decent games that didn't have Korean cheese strats or irritating BGH letdowns. In one game in particular I entered a ffa and I chose protoss. The other two Koreans picked protoss also and they said 1:1:1. We started the game and using AQD3's wise advice I took my first zealot and one probe and marched on down to one of the enemy. With the +1 attack of my probe I was able to kill his only zealot and 5 probes before ... the other Korean came to his aid. I now realized I was the victim of a backstab and attempted to build a defense at my base. Using superb micro I was able to run his zealots in circles since he was doing attack-move, while my other zealots were being built. I was handling the backstabber pretty well when suddenly the second Korean backstabber came up. I stopped them for about 10 minutes before I realized they each must have had 4 gateways and were pumping the mindless zealots nonstop, rallying them to my base. I shouted out "You said 1:1:1??!!" One of the Koreans answered, "No, 1:1,1". I rolled my eyes and screamed at them some more and then I resigned in frustration and decided that public melee was too much of a waste of time. With that in mind I joined a ladder game called "Ladder ffa!!" which was the only english title in the entire list.
The map was none other than Lost Temple, and despite this fact it was a great game. I started as zerg in the top start location, while a Korean zerg started in the left location, an Australian protoss in the bottom, and -=Annihilator=- , a terran in the right location.

The game started and I began happily harvesting. I decided on the stupid zerg strat which often gets newbies killed on Lost Temple, but did it anyway. My build order plan was:
9 drones, 9th makes extractor
Cancel extractor, make 10th
10th builds hatchery
9th builds spawning pool
Build 9th drone
Build two overlords
At this time the two overlords should hatch and my hatchery and pool should be done at the same time. It has been said, however, that a better build is to overlord on 8 and do a hatchery on 12, but I didn't have time to care about this, since as my hatchery and spawning pool were being built, Korean zerg ran in with 12 zerglings. It served me right but my heart sank as I realized I had no offensive units and I was going to be out of the game fast.
The 12 zerglings started pounding on my hatchery right away, which I realized was a good thing. I grabbed 3 drones (which left 6 at my minerals) and started making creep colonies. I allowed the hatchery to finish building so that the zerglings would be occupied while the creeps morphed to sunkens. Zerg must have realized this and attacked the morphing sunkens. To buy my sunkens time, I attacked with 4 of my drones, getting in the way of the sunkens. One went down but the other two came online just as my last drone was killed and the 10 zerglings were quickly made into blood and guts.
I still had 2 drones harvesting, but I had lost 7 drones, 1 hatchery, 1 sunken and my entire Build Order for the cost of Zerg's 12 zerglings. That's 300 minerals for him vs 825 for me.
I was about to take a breather when a scouting marine from -=Annihilator=- started popping at my overlord at my ramp. I screamed "Jesus, NOT TWO OF YOU!!" and started futiley retreating the slow gasbag. Just as it was about to be popped, Zerg decided to take another run at me and killed the trigger-happy marine in the process. During the interim of the rush I had added another sunken bringing my army to a devastating force of 3 sunkens. The 12 new zerglings went down without a single loss on my side. *Cue rolling of the eyes*

For some reason unknown to civilized society, Zerg stopped attacking. With 3 sunkens and no chance to defend against a heavy metal terran, I just felt lucky to be alive and built drones nonstop. I rebuilt my second hatchery, I added 6 zerglings for moral support, and when I had saturated my main with drones I decided to take my natural. When nobody objected to that I decided to plop 3 sunkens there as well and started a Lair as well as nonstop drones to transfer to my expansion.
Zerg was quiet for a while, and narry a peep came from Protoss or -=Annihilator=-, but then again I was not worried about what I couldn't even see on my minimap yet. Since I had scouted Zerg with a zergling and found his natural empty, I assumed that the other two players were having fun of their own with each other. With this assumption, I researched ventral sacs and dropped a drone on the top left island.
My minerals and gas were now pouring in and I was building hydras from 3 hatcherys. I built a fourth to accomodate my influx of cash and then upgraded to a hive so that I could max my 2/2 hydras from my dual evolution chambers. I then morphed 6 hydras into lurkers and began my master plan.

I loaded one overlord with two lurkers and headed for the general direction of -=Annihilator=-'s vespene gas, but spotted a turret before I landed. I announced "No backdoor on you eh?" and dropped a lurker on my natural cliff to stop any future plans of a turbo newbie and one before my ramp.
My next two lurkers loaded in and headed to Zerg's natural cliff. I burrowed both on the cliff and looked at the empty expansion below me. I was incredulous! He hadn't expanded to his natural yet and I had been the one out of the game so early! I laughed and proceeded to drive my last two lurkers to Protoss's natural.
My jaw dropped as nothing but dragoons and templar and zealots stood in the natural, with a clump of cannons so large that 12 gateways could have been spawned for the cost. I happily burrowed my lurkers and watched as they tickled Protoss's forces, to which he replied "Hey, FUCK OFF!" I ignored his request and he had to move his clumsy dragoons elsewhere as my lurkers got in free shots to do mostly superficial shield damage.
At this point I was feeling like I was the one who was actually leading this game, so I took my horde of now 3/3 hydras from my base and loaded them into 12 overlords, making the total a happy 48. During this time, Zerg had been doing cheesy muta attacks on my peons, to which I replied with hydra carnage in kind. I noticed Zerg finally expand to his natural, and build 5 or 6 sunkens in front of his hatchery. Irritated that my lurkers weren't hitting anything vital, I repositioned them and started taking out a few sunkens. Zerg starting cursing me and I unloaded my hydras on the cliff to protect me from any muta attack. After I had cleared the sunkens I decided I was being cautious over nothing and loaded all my hydras up for the kill.

I unloaded in his natural and started destroying everything in seconds. The remaining sunkens put up a good fight of 5 seconds before they vapourized and then his sunkens on his ramp teased a few hydras into destroying them as well. I ran into his main and poured forth hydras in my remaining 3 1/2 control groups. The base fell fast, but his mass of 12 or so sunkens and a few irritating lurkers did quite a bit of damage before he was eliminated.
Before his main was even razed, my drone had expanded to the near-virgin natural and began a third expansion. After my hydras had done their work, I sent them to the center to congregate and built hydras nonstop at my main base from 4 hatcherys. I still did not have a spire at this point, relying on 3/3 hydras to power.
I did realize that now I would need more than hydras, so I built 12 queens for recon and the inevitable broodling that I would require to battle Protoss and -=Annihilator=-. I was irritated to find that tanks continually splattered hydras I was rallying from my main to the center as they passed the cliffs of -=Annihilator=-'s main. I solved this problem by broodling his tank, which was quickly replaced by another and 4 towers to discourage further acts of broodling.
I relaxed for a while as -=Annihilator=- and Protoss went at it, during which time I found that protoss had expanded to his mineral only, as well as -=Annihilator=-, which I intended to put a stop to. I found -=Annihilator=-'s natural also empty and I could not believe how easy this game was going to be.

After parasiting and broodling nonstop, only to find that his medics were handling the job quite well, I sent many suicide missions to break his choke with hydras and dark swarm and plague. The attacks were useless since he had now gone heavy BC's. I was very upset since he had only really had the use of three bases for minerals, and two for gas, while I had mined out my main, natural, island, and zergs natural, giving me 13000 minerals and 6000 gas. After many failed attacks with queens, defilers, guardians and hydras, I realized I could not handle his immense BC fleet.
I could not believe my once vast resources were now dwindling. The game was two hours old and I could not crack his main. The embarressing part was that -=Annihilator=- had not even utilized terrans most offensive weapon on zerg, irradiate. Still, my brainless methods had not yet employed a single scourge despite all the happy BC's.
I decided to go for broke and sent all my hydras, mutas and guardians at his base, casting plague as I went. His marines stimmed, his medics healed, his tanks blasted and his BC's yamatoed and blazed. After all was said and done, my forces were gone and his base was still not breached.
Dumbfounded, I alternated between hydras and zerglings, getting adrenaline glands and speed, while dropping lurkers on his cliff to stop his expansion attempts. After I had 10 control groups of zerglings I send them in, plaguing buildings before they went. The zerglings did very little before they turned into large piles of blood from the firebats while medics worked overtime to heal. The SCVS repaired the burning bunkers and the 12+ BC's fired while I cast plague on them. Without scourge to finish them off -=Annihilator=- quickly repaired them all with his repair control group.
Baffled, and frustrated, I didn't see why I could not win simply by attrition since I had long since lost all of my money while I had clearly mined 4 times more then he had. I had a few bright ideas while I sent in attacks. One of them was to research ensnare. As his BC's soared into my main, I cast ensnare, and if you think that Battle Cruisers are slow normally, you should see them ensnared. My hydras made short work of his 12 Cruisers and I felt the tides had turned.

1. Don't give up, I recovered from the initial rush
2. I should have taken my 48 hydras and jammed it up Terrans ass while I had the chance instead of hoping Protoss would take care of the problem.
3. I should have used more mutas and built some ultralisks to take the firepower while my hydras powered through the gates.
4. Scourge. Scourge, Scourge, Scourge, Scourge, Scourge! WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN?!?
5. Terran are really hard to dig out once they are dug in.
If you have any comments or suggestions for me other than "Use scourge -nt-" I would be happy to hear from you. Also, sorry to AQD3 for this blatent ripoff of his style. I will post a few screenshots in the comments section when I get home tonight. Oh and also it's better to do this in notepad before you submit since Netscape blows goats. Oh and P.S., my system crashed just as I hit submit the last time. And I will bet the text will turn out all jumbled from the carriage returns. Oh well, here's hoping not.