"Did anyone notice that that Bob The Newt logo looks like a man with an extremely large penis?"
-SqueakyMonkey
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| Real Life BR 2: Flint and crew play paintball with the deadly Bible Thumpers | | | Author: | | | IP: | usr2-29.XXXX | | Date: | 02/24/00 01:02 | | Game Type: | Other | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 9, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for Flint79: 6.3714 |   | A little while back, I was given the offer to play some paintball from this guy I knew at school. He was part of a church group (and a big ol' sissy in my book) but my friend Shrig was going, so it might be a blast and I always wanted to play paintball soooo....
We got there and the sissy church people were all renting clothing for 2$ that would make the impact of the balls less harsh and protect their clothing. Not ol' Shrig and I though...we wore t-shirts and dawned the only protection we had: A Mask and protective kinda wife beater...that was RED. Oh yeah, I also wore a jock. We were team RED and were gonna open up a can of whoop-ass on some girly-men.
There were two teams, Red and Blue. We had our share of wimps, but that did'nt matter because Shrig and I were a two man army.
The Weapons: Semi-automatic paintball guns. As fast as you can pull that trigger, you can unload some serious hurt.
The Battle-ground: An indoor setting in Toronto. Two big bases (2 floors) on opposite ends. There were small little huts with windows in the middle ground. There was also a narrow upper lever around the parimeter that was good for sniping and the intense close range combat that sometimes came about. A foxhole with sandbags and a car that had been trashed and burnt also lay on the battlefield.
Game 1: Take the enemy base
Team Red: Attacking
Team Blue: Defending
We started at the opposite ends of the battlefield. The rest of our crew was the slow and take their time kinda people. Shrig and I were not however. We run top speed towards the enemy base and take sniper fire as we approach. We both dive for cover behind the hut closest to the base. There were a couple of guys on the ground floor poping out of the windows from time to time and a few people in higher up positions (2nd floor).
Shrig is engaged with window snipers on the 1st and 2nd floor. But I see other prey through the hut window. A lone scout moving around on the other side of the hut. Shrig can't see him, but I tell him of my intensions and move out. I come charging around the corner and shot the guy three times, twice in the chest and once in the kneecap. That had to sting cuz I saw his face scrunch up inside his mask. He raised his hands and left the battlefield. First kill and I was thirsty for more.
I went back to Shrig and informed him of my first kill. He had already racked up two from his lone battle on the base. I said I was gonna try and penetrate the enemy base and perhaps find a entrance that they did'nt know about. I ran to the complete left side of the field and in doing so drawed some fire that wizzed by my head and exploded off the ground and huts.
I arrived at what looked to be a small maze. I was really cautious in navigating this one because they could be anywhere. I ran into one of my own teamates that I told to follow me and both of us arrived at the side of the enemy fortress. What I saw next was just too sweet. There was side door and there were two enemies hanging their heads out of the front windows taking on Shrig. I turn to my teammate and say, "Let's go man". He replies, "No...I don't wanna" "Come ON!!!" "No...I'm staying here". Sissy. I take on the fort alone.
Ever seen the movie "Platoon"? Remember when the VC blow up Sheen's bunker and he goes apeshit? Well...that was ME at that moment. I run in that side door like a bat outta hell and gave both of them a head shot each. Man, were they shocked. I dart up the stairs in a fit crazyness. I figured I would be facing maybe 3 or 4 guys up there...maybe more. I arrive at the top and see nobody.....but I do hear something.
I hear footsteps...sounded like they were hurried. I follow them and they lead me to the other staircase going down. At the bottom I see two blue team members trying to flee. I can honestly say that I now know what it feels like to be bloodlusted. My finger was working that trigger so fast it was invisable to the naked eye. I hear two voices yelling, "STOP!!!! WE'RE DEAD ALREADY!!!! PLEASE!!!" over and over again. But I was'nt stoping, and just stood there foaming and bringing the hand of Flint down upon them.
Around this time the Marshall called game because I had taken the base. I still don't know why I did'nt face any opposition up there but I did eliminate those chicks from the paintball session totally. They had huge black welts on the back of their necks and decided that war was for was'nt for them. They listened to CD players for the rest of the day. LOL.
Game 2: The briefcase
There were many games played that day, but I'll just report on the two best ones (unless I get some people wanting me to write more). This was a game where a steel briefcase was placed in that foxhole I was talking about earlier. The goal was for either team to arrive at this bunker first, obtain the briefcase and make it back to base. The bunker was in a neutral position on the map and the game commenced.
Shrig and I took off again and arrived at a hut nearest the foxhole. We could see the enemy on the other side taking up positions. This was gonna be a pain in the ass. We engaged in a small fire-fight, but there were no casualties as of yet. The rest of my team finally arrives.
I was gonna win this one. It was by far the most difficult game were to play that day and I wanted this one real bad. I told my team and Shrig to give me some cover as I ran out into no-mans land and got to that foxhole. Taking a sprinters stance, I nodded to Shrig and took off aimed at for the foxhole.
Well..the shit hit the fan alright. My whole team opens up...their whole team opens up and it's general mayhem. I could hear the paintballs wizz past my head and saw two enemies take hits in the chest and shoulder respectively. I did a dive into the foxhole with used ammo slapping off the sandbags like a rainstorm on tin roof. I looked behind me and saw three of our guys leave the field, eliminated. Shrig was still there and I could see him giving me a thumbs up from behind the hut.
Well..I made it here. I have no plan for getting my ass outta this one though. I held on to the case for dear life. I moved and inch and a storm of paintballs hit off the sandbags with a few getting in as the foxhole was shallow. What's worse is not all of those balls were braking like they should be. Those rock-hard bastards just bounce off whatever they hit. I picked one up and forsaw a few more just like it slapping off my kneecaps. I had to get the hell outta here.
I got eye contact with Shrig while lying as still as possible. All was quiet and you could tell the situation was mounting. I moved my head in such a way as to indicate that I was making a run for it. I slid my had infront and indicated three fingers. I brought the count down to two...to one...to zero. If you have the James Bond theme on your win-amp..put it on now.
I get up and bull charge outta that foxhole. My team gives me cover fire and draws some of it...but not enough apparently. I'm taged right in the small of the back by one of those hard as rock bastards (but since it did'nt break..you are still good to go). I felt that one bigtime and stagered a bit, but don't slow down. I see two more of our guys go down in a hail of fury. I meet up with Shrig and he runs blocker for me...the rest of our team stayed behind and continued to engage the enemy.
I'm truckin back to homebase with a smile on my face, when outta the blue a dude pops out to my left from behind a hut. They must have pulled a pincer when I hoped in that foxhole as a last line of defence to stop me should I escape. But much like Bond, I deal with the situation. He has me by suprise, but in a fluid motion while still running, I raise the briefcase to block three shots from him and retort with a onehanded shot to the chest, eliminating him. Shrig exclaims, "Damn man!" "Oh...this is soooo not over yet", I said as I look behind us to see that my team has lost the fire-fight and in a bad way. The enemy was on our ass and they were'nt stoping for shit. Our lead was'nt by much either.
Shrig and I continue running and each time we weave around the huts paintballs are just missing us. The briefcase was taking hits from time to time. Shrig decides to stay behind and hold them off for as long as possible. He turns around and gets behind the corner of a hut. I see him take out two of the blue team, but he was surely enveloped by their superior numbers. I did'nt stop to check. I am also alone now.
I'm almost there...I can taste it. Three more guys from blue team pop outta my left-field at a distance and open fire. They are too far to be accurate from their shots however, but I return fire as I'm running. I doubt I hit anyone. The damn case is slowing me down and they are drawing closer. I round the last corner and the marshall is waiting for me to touch the team flag. I grabbed it and not five seconds later about six of blue team showed up. But it was too late. I had got the case and completed my mission. Shrig walked up to me just covered in paint and welts. The time he bought was well worth it however and he truely took one for the team. We awaited our next mission....
Hope you guys liked my real life BR. Later
-Flint-
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