"My girlfriend has decided to invade..so I dont think I'll be able to help..."
-Fractal_Wave (When asked for a hand doing a BR)
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| Battle of the Peon Abusers | | | Author: | | | IP: | 1Cust196XXXX | | Date: | 03/21/00 04:03 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 3, Max: 8, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for Old~El~Paso: 7.2857 |   | 
Forethoughts:
Well, it is once again time for another OEP BR, and that means it is time for a game for OEP to BR. Will this game be a decent game, unlike certain OEP BRs, or will it suck, like his last one? Will the players play well, and make it hard to tell who will win? Is sexual harassment or rape a bigger problem in the peon lines? Who makes the best frozen meals? Do overlords poop? Will this take as long to download as it took me to upload?
ALl those questions, and more, will be answered in the...
The Battleground...
The battleground was originally going to be the mystical island of dire straits, but thanks to excess bitching by certain people, such as Peonrapist, who I will not name, it ended up at the Beautiful Lost Temple resort, where the tourists there were to be killed violently to make room for the battle.
The Contenders
In the 9 o'clock corner we have the serial Rapist/Protoss executor in the purple hot pants, PeonRapist.
In the 3 o'clock corner, we have the Zerg Cerebrate in the white tuxedo who has been fired from a record 346 jobs for sexually harassing peons, Peon_Harrasar
Note: Although Harrasars color was white, he is labeled as orange in this BR, for readibility purposes
Ding, round one!!!
Early Builds and scouting
As a good sign, there was no six-pool, no early forge, or any of that stuff going on this game, so I figured that I may be in for a decent game.
Harrasar sent an overlord to the 12 o'clock position as a scout, while Rapist used his ninth probe to scout the same start, and also sent it to 3 o'clock afterwards, and found the white zerg Harassar there. The probe stole 8 of the zerg's minerals, and left.
The zerg cerebrate went with a quick expansion tactic, building a hatchery at his natural, which was spotted by the scouting probe on its way back from the long distance mining adventure. Rapist immediatly sent his first two zeals just outside of Harrasers base.
First Blood
A white ling came out of the base and got ripped by the two zeals. Immediatly Harrasar braced for the worse. He used 2 drones from his newly established natural expansion, and started two creep colonies, and rallied all his zerglings to his choke, in between the two morphing sunkens. Meanwhile, rapist and his godly multitasking skills, had built a third gateway, a refinery, and finally a cyber core.
Rapist was not idle in this time, and had four zealots and about half of his probes sent towards the place where the other two zealots were waiting impatiently. As the probes arrived, a zerg hydra den exploded out of the creep, and several larvas exploded into eggs. There were now 2 sunken colonies, and about 12 zerglings defending the zerg choke.
The six zealots, and eight probes ran into the zerg base, with the probes leading the way. Rapist decided that the choke point was a lost cause, and the remaining 2 zealots and 6 probes bolted up the ramp. The 10 lings followed, and the first-born hydras popped out of the eggs, just in time to greet the protoss diplomats. Although the zerg obviously outgunned the mighty protoss, the zerg did not want to take any chances, and burrowed his supply lines. This made it very hard for rapist to do as his name implies, but the battle was a lost cause for him anyways. He had about 6 probes left, and he ran them away. A couple of them got blasted by the choke defense, but four of them completed the trip back to the home base.
After the battle, the zerg had a strong advanage, since he has a functional expansion, and rapist had sacrificed many probes early on.
The calm before the storm...
In order to celebrate his victory, the zerg cerebrate morphed a third hatchery, while the protoss executor sulked in his base and silently massed goons. Rapist moved his army of goons and zeals off of his ramp, and into his choke, presumably to expand. There was alone zergling there, but that fell easily to the fire of the goons. But Harassar now suspected, as I did, a soon to come expansion attempt.
Now apperently curious as to what Rapist had, harrasar sent a lone speedlord towards the Protoss main. The lord quickly fell to a couple of photon cannons, but it had recieved valuable information about his opponent.
The not so calm, just before the storm, but not quite the storm yet...
Not content with the invasion of privacy, Rapist was about to give some drones an invasion of provacy they wont soon forget. He sent a shuttle in the zergs general direction, containing only a single probe. It unloaded its cargo on the zerg cliff, and headed back to the base, while the probe started warping in two pylons. Time for the good ol' fashioned offensive cannon turbo newbie type thing, yeah. I am pretty sure peon did this to piss me off, since I had told them no offensive cannoning before the game, but I can live with it, since it adds considerably to the theme of the BR. And I would not do a BR if I could not give it a gay theme.
As soon as the pylon finished, the probe immediatly got its ass to work, and popped in two photon cannons, just as a spire exploded out of the creep in harrasar's main. The cannons started shooting, three mutas popped out of their eggs. Instead of using them to kill the turbo newbie, the zerg decided to, with the help of the mutas, shove hydralisks up some overlords asses. It was hard work, but they got in there, and three overlords loaded with some serious suppositories were sent towards the far tip of the cliff.
In a disgusting site to see, the hydralisks, along with about 5 months worth of crap, exploded out of the overlords. And after cleaning eachother off with their acid spit, the hydras rushed foreward and started ripping the cannons. Pretty easy to tell that, 12 hydras own 2 cannons.
Thanks to the efforts of the hydras, the peons, although depressed about several of their own being killed by photons straght up the ass, could now proceed with their normal mining. Also, to avenge the death of 3 peons, the zergie sent a second lone overlord to scout the enemy base.
Another calm before the storm, but we are getting closer, i promise!!
While his cannons were busy being owned by hydras, rapist was busy (finally) claiming his natural expansion. When the zerg was not busy losing his lead and being passive, he was massing up hydras and teching to defilers, and eating a pot pie. He claimed a second expansion in the bottom right island, and killed the observer sitting there. Meanwhile, the protoss commander was really kicking it into high gear, and was taking a second expansion in the 6 o'clock start, eating chicken, and teching to sairs and carriers. The six o'clock expansion was caught by a borrowed ling, but he was easily dispatched by dragoons. He then sent an impressive goon army to wait outside of Harrasars choke. Although the game seems won, he takes the 12 o'clock expansion as well. Rapist now had 3 expansions and an impressive army, while harassar had one almost dry expansion and one fresh island, about 2 control groups of hydras, and two defilers.
Storm time baby, yeah!!
The zerg cerebrate must have suspected something was up, and sent an overlord to investigate the mysterious purple blur just on the edge of his vision range. The overlord was reduced to smelly goo within a second by the potent range upgraded goons.
Having massed several goons and zealots, the protoss armada ran straight into the zerg base. The zerg decided that the natural expansion was a lost cause, and instead of attempting to save it, he massed hydras at the choke and waited. A few goons went up to tangle with the hydras, but they fell easily to the green spit of the hydras.
After trashing the expansion, rapist regrouped his goons, and headed up the ramp. The hydras fought well, and although out gunned and outnumbered, their height advantage won them the battle.
One might have thought the battle was over then, until peon sent about 24 more goons to the choke, with some sairs and temps mixed in, and rushed the choke again. Two defilers were now avalible to do their dirty tricks, and used their dark swarm to cover the hydras. Several goons fell to hydra spit and lurker spikes, but rapist was constantly sending reinforcements. The zerg managed to push the goons back to his natural, and although they were exposed for a second, another dark swarm covered the hydras shortly thereafter.
However, some gosu temp micro stormed the hydra army, and the zerg was now pushed back up to is ramp. Only this time, there was a residual dark swarm, and the goons now had a strong advantage. The zerg was soon forced back farther, and the goons were about to march up the ramp. The zerg was wise, however, and when faced with a seemingly unwinnable battle, he burrowed his troops. The lurkers defended, but fell easily to the observer assisted goons. The lurkers had done some damage though, and with the assistance of some freshly spawned hydras, the zerg continued to hold the ramp.
The falling of the main...
Some reinforcements came shortly, and the hydras soon fell. The goons now had free reign over the zerg main. Harrasar was constantly building and defending his base, but he simply could not hold back the flow of dragoons. Using some waypoints, he sent his overlords on a roundabout trip to his island expansion, trying to avoid the purple goons. However, as he went over the temple portion of the map, he encountered a waiting group of dragoons, and most of them got popped.
The battle of the island...
With his main having been sent to hell, harrasar was left with only his island expansion. It was quite well defended with refugee hydralisks and some spores.
Harassar tried to fight back, with a lurker drop, but failed miserably and lost all of his lurks, and took some shield points away from a goon.
Rapist was going to go for a carrier death, but I told him I had to go soon and he needed to finish it fast. So instead he built about twelve shuttles and unloaded 10 goons and 4 templars. After storming some shit, the templars exploded into a big ball of blueish fire (kinda like a failed barbeque), and began to morph into an archon.
Before the archon was finished, the goons had finished the job almost. However they pulled back for unknown reasons, leaving his spire in tact. A lone shuttle came in, and unloaded 8 probes into the base. To add insult to injury, the probes finished off the spire, and the game was over.
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