"Goliaths look much more badass than they actually are"
-Bob_The_Newt
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| 2v2 Cornell - TA vs JC - Match 2 | | | Author: | | | IP: | px2cl.gvXXXX | | Date: | 06/08/00 08:06 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 3, Max: 10, Min: 9
Lifetime Rating for CynicalMagician: 8.7556 |   | Good morning to everyone out there in radioland, and welcome to another BR by the smurf name of Belt.. I mean, the CynicalMagician! Of course the CynicalMagician! Not Belt! Never Belt! I'm not a smurf name at all! *shifty eyes*
Anyway, as per my usual tradition, I'm going to be an image whore, and so you're going to have to deal with it and wait for the shiny pictures to load while you read one of the most annoying, but fun to write parts of my BR's....
We rejoin our tenacious traveller Spaceman Sporff in the bottom of a chasm, dazed but not confused, as he treks onward to the lair of Princess Majung. He has been walking for nearly 30 minutes, and the time seems to drag. Dust has infested his undergarments, and the faceplate of his hostile environment suit has become fogged and has started to corrode due to the chlorine atmosphere. Things are not grim, but are getting rather annoying.
In a flash of brillance, Sporff smacks himself. Hard. All this time he has been lugging a jet powered moped, but has not had the wits to use it. He sits down for a moment and begins to assemble it, first unfolding the chassis, and then strapping the crude engine on the back. After another couple minutes of gruelling labour, Sporff places the finishing touches on the super scooter in the form of a well worn decal that says:
He stands to admire his creation a moment, then hops on and ignites the sodium powered engine. Tries to ignite his engine anyway. Sporff, our normally smooth operator, swears and opens the engine compartment. Electricity and energy hum through the air, and everything seems in working order. Except that damn fuel hose! "I might as well be driving a Fiat," Sporff says to himself, and opens the fuel chamber. Before he can even see inside, a mighty blast of heat and light emerges from the compartment and Sporff is thrown several dozen meters away, where he is knocked unconscious. Is this the end of Sporff?
If you were thinking yes, you haven't read enough comic books.
Sporff awakens to the soft hum of machinery, and his eyes are forced open by a dull glow. He looks around, and sees several life support systems surrounding him, feeding his body through a spaghetti farm of transparent tubes. What happened?
Slowly Sporff regains coherent thought, and as this occurs the lithe alien princess Majung glids silently in. She is humanoid, but with very white, almost transparent skin and a face so nondescript it is hard to focus on. She walks up to Sporff, and gazes at his battered form, lying on a white bed.
"Spaceman Sporff. Long overdue, and I see that you did not learn first year chemistry." She smiles, and continues. "The atmosphere of X-16 is 76 percent chlorine gas, which is very reactive. Your scooter ran on Sodium, and when you exposed the fuel to the atmosphere, a violent chemical reaction occurred which produces a very large amount of heat and energy. You're lucky a patrol of ours picked you up."
Sporff has been creating a fly trap with his mouth, and it is obvious that our hero cares not for basic chemistry. "Ok ok, I won't do it again. Now, down to business, why did you call me here in the first place? You sent me a very brief and very urgent message. What's up?"
"Well," The princess shifts her gaze to the floor. "I need to ask a favour from you Sporff. Our once peaceful planet has become the center of attention of several spacefaring races shortly after we discovered the remains of an ancient civilization. Specifically, an anti-matter generator more powerful than any we've ever seen before. I've agreed to sell this generator to the Imperium at a fairly exorbant price, but the Bligornians, the Gorons, and several bounty hunters have been commissioned to take the generator by force. I have very little in the way of a standing army, and I need someone to escort this to Empyrrean. That's where you come in."
"What's in it for me?"
"Respect, admiration, and the feeling you get from saving a galaxy?"
"Pshaw. I want wine, women and song!"
"Fine. But get the job done. Sporff, you're my only hope."
"Will you at least fix my ship? I had a little... difficulty.. piloting it."
Majong laughs. "I saw. Very nice piloting my boy. Yes, my technicians are putting the finishing touches on it as we speak."
"Thanks. Anyway though, I suppose I should be off to save the galaxy. These things take time you know, and I wanna be home in time for the 53rd annual Gilligan's Island marathon. I love that Ginger. She's hot."
And with those majestic parting words, our hero begins to get off the bed. He shortly after realizes he is naked, and covers himself with a sheet. He asks for clothes, and his request is granted. Soon after, he is standing idly in the shuttle hangar watching an alien engineering squad load the generator into his ship, as well as arming it with impressive weapons of destruction, and pointy rammer things. In but a few minutes, Sporff will embark on another bi-weekly adventure to save the galaxy. Tune in next BR for another installment.
Once again, special thanks to Sporff for allowing me to detail accounts of his life. Because Sporff is a real person, and he needs to get the credit for saving the world time and time again SOMEHOW... Anyway, on with the 2v2 Cornell Tourny!
 Map: Rivalry
Game Style: Brood War
Players:
[TA]Ramius - Zerg - Southeast
[TA]SlayerJu - Protoss - Northwest
vs
JonaMom[JC] - Terran - Northeast
JonaGoo[JC] - Protoss - Southwest
The checkered flag drops and the peons are out!! Billy the Kid takes the lead with Charlie's Angel close behind, followed by Sapphire Eyes, Smack Dab, and Dizzy G! They're around the bend, and it looks like Billy the Kid's early sprinting is costing him as Dizzy G picks up momentum! Dizzy G and Billy the Kid are neck and neck now, and it looks like Sapphire Eyes is gaining fast!
Wait, whats this!! Smack Dab is laying the Smack Down! He's using his riding crop on Charlie's Angel! Oh my god!! It looks like Charlie is going to get to meet a real angel, because he just fell to the ground and it doesn't look like he's moving!! But Smack Dab isn't done yet! He's throwing something at Billy the Kid! It looks like... ITS A NINJA STAR! WOW!! It looks like Billy has taken a star in the back, and he's starting to fall behind the pack!
That leaves only Dizzy G and Sapphire Eyes racing for first, and Smack Dab just to their rear. What other tricks does he have up his sleeve? Well, whatever they were, they weren't fast enough, because Dizzy G just whipped out a bola and hurled it at Smack Dab! It winds around Smack Dab's neck.. and... and... SMACK DAB IS DOWN!! The final two competitors are still neck and neck, and it looks like Sapphire Eyes is pulling something from her vest... It looks like a firearm of some sort... yes... its a magnum. She wants to take Dizzy G down with a bang! And she does!! Dizzy G slumps to the ground after taking 3 direct shots to the chest, and Sapphire Eyes is taking the Pennant!! Thank you for joining us on another exciting race on Speed Racer Meets Road Warrior! Gnight folks!
Umm hmm... Don't worry guys, that was just the midget that lives under my bed typing. He snuck up behind me and tied me to the chair and made me promise to put in that paragraph. I (the CynicalMagician) will take it from here.
Anyway. The peons were out like lightning, off to do their daily labours. Everyone followed unoutstanding build orders, with both protoss going for 2 gates, JonaMom[JC] slapping down a couple barracks, and [TA]Ramius taking a risk with an early expansion at his natural.
After a scouting probe finds his base-to-be [TA]Ramius decides that he is taking too big of a risk with an early expansion, and cancels the hatchery, replacing it near his other one. [TA]SlayerJu has started collecting gas, and is opening up new doorways with a cybernetics core. All is looking well at the protoss colony. The probes are happily mining gas and minerals, the gateways have begun zealot teleportation, and everything is just peachy. The calm before the storm, as they say.
JonaMom[JC] has been pumping marines constantly out of his barracks, and has a force of about 7. These he sends on a trek that could cost them their lives. They are to run the gauntlet into [TA]SlayerJu's base. Rallying at the mineral only and chattering the nervous talk that occurs before every attack, the marines currently number 6. More marines are on the way, trailing out of JonaMom[JC]'s training facilities like milkshake on a wall. (Editor's Note: As the author discovered earlier today, milkshake smears down a wall in lots of little streaks, and leaves a big mess, which is really sticky and hard to clean up.)
Just to make this attack kinky, JonaGoo[JC] has sent the 2 zealots he has, and a couple more are strolling to the staging area as best they can with inverted legs. [TA]SlayerJu is unaware of the buildup of forces outside his base and proves to everyone that ignorance is bliss.
The attackers decide that they must have a plan to follow. With only 7 fighting units total, and an unknown amount in [TA]SlayerJu's base, they must make every unit count. After a few moments of drawing diagrams and schematics of expected protoss base configurations, the attack force prepares to move. The marines are to advance in a leap frog formation, with 1 group of marines giving support fire while the other moves forward. The zealots are to remain unseen until opponent zealots have been drawn out of defensive positions, and then engage. In case of cannons, the zealots are to absorb damage, and make the cannons switch targets by 'dancing' in case their shields run out. If probes are brought forward for combat, the marines will fall back if engaged, and the zealots will hold them in order for the terran infantry to get free hits. A flawless set of contingencies and orders.
Terran High Commander: Soldiers, are you in understanding of the plan?
Zealot: Yes, of course.
Marine: Let's go rough those rogue protoss up.
(Pause)
Another Marine: You know, how about if we scrap the plan and just charge in in single file and keep attacking until the enemy is dead, and just let everyone shoot at whatever they want?
(Pause)
Terran High Commander: Good idea! Make it so!
And so it came to be that the two squadrons of troops ran into the base in no order whatsoever, and got fairly clogged up at the ramp, inspiring this picture.
The new plan goes without a hitch, and despite the lack of tactics, all but a couple probes in [TA]SlayerJu's start position go down like titanic. One of the probes that escaped begins anew at the 9:00 expansion with a warping nexus, but [TA]SlayerJu is, for all intents and purposes, out of the game.
[TA]Ramius decides that it is time for vengeance on his partner, and sends an elite squad of 6 lings known as the Dirty Half-Dozen to JonaGoo[JC]'s base, hoping to catch him with few garrison troops at his base while his assault is going on.
 Unfortunately though, the zerglings run into stiff resistance from valiant probes, and a zealot or two. After killing only 1 or 2 probes, the lings are cruelly smacked away like a pizza delivery boy fending off the attempts of a 55 year old woman to pay for her food with "favours". It turns out that the Overmind needs to learn to plan its attacks.
Back in [TA]Ramius's base, the
cerebrate has been busy preparing for the festivities that are undoubtedly coming his way. A couple sunkens have been morphed, as well as a lair, obviously going for some lurkers to stem the flow of doom.
 Speaking of the flow of doom, it has begun to stream to [TA]Ramius's natural, and the gathering marines have taken the opportunity to fill a wandering OL with more Uranium 238 than a Chernobyl cabbage. The zealots produced by JonaGoo[JC] soon show up, and the party is ready to begin. This time, the Jona Crew decides to forgoe any guise of tactics, and just barge up the ramp to meet destiny. Old smashy the possessed croquet mallet begins whispering in the ears of the assault force.. "Time to smash....?" The marines answer back, "Yes old friend... your time has come...."
And with that, the game is over. Rush hour has abated, leaving a wake of corpses and rubble. The match, albeit short, was very well played, and sealed the deal for JC to advance to the next and final round. And now for the scores.
Lessons Learned
1) Terran rush is underused, but very tough.
2) Seeing a rush, a zerg needs lurkers not now but right now.
3) Prepare a contingency in case your rush fails. Even as JC killed [TA]Ramius, they were both continuing to tech, and preparing to expand.
However, this short game apparently left a lacking taste in the player's mouths, and so they decided to play a match on the soiled grounds of temple. Hurrah for bonus games!!!
 Map: Misplaced Cathedral (Lost Temple)
Game Style: Brood War
Players:
[TA]Ramius - Zerg - 12:00
[TA]SlayerJu - Terran - 9:00
vs
JonaMom[JC] - Protoss - 3:00
JonaGoo[JC] - Protoss - 6:00
This is it. The stupid game. The post-final round. The match for none of the marbles, the bonus game! Wheee! It opened with the basic builds, [TA]Ramius building a second hatchery, [TA]SlayerJu doing a wallin of his main, JonaGoo[JC] warping a couple gateways, and JonaMom[JC] building his base at the choke near his mineral only. Wait, thats not regular. Oh my god! Someone used an innovative build order! Yes!!
Soon after, JonaMom[JC] sends a probe to scout out his zerg neighbour, who's OL is lingering over his base. The probe discovers only meagre drones in the way of defense, and soon a zealot is sent over to do some preliminary damage. This zealot manages to kill a couple drones, but newly hatched lings keeps the damage to a minimum.
[TA]SlayerJu has been stockpiling everyone's favourite fodder unit, marines, and has decided that the time has come to attack. He charges about 6 marines at JonaMom[JC], and with the help of 6 or 7 lings from [TA]Ramius, they manage to take down the 1 pylon that is supporting the two gates at the choke. However, this victory does not come without cost, and all but a couple of the warriors are destroyed. Then JonaGoo[JC] comes in with cleanup, and the fun is over.
Meanwhile, the Jona Crew has been teching. JonaGoo[JC] has a core, and 3 gates. He has been producing goons, zealots, and has also cannoned his choke with 2 of the marine busters. JonaMom[JC] too has been climbing the ladder of knowledge, and has a templar archives warping in, undoubtedly for DT's to kill these pesky little troops which have been assaulting him. Soon enough, the pesky little troops show up once again, this time in larger numbers.
(Editor's Note: What the hell is babo?)
 The DT's begin to take their toll, but the overwhelming numbers of the Tarsonis Academy smash through the choke. JonaMom[JC] decides that he must do some damage before he dies, and so leaves one DT to clean up the TA army, killing all but a couple units before an OL showed up on the scene to illuminate the situation. The other invisible assassin fares even better, singlehandedly destroying most of [TA]SlayerJu's base. Yeah, thats right. 1 DT ran up the ramp, killed SCVS til they ran away (to a location you'll find out soon enough) and then pelted the CC until it died. [TA]SlayerJu was left with a small M&M army, 2 barracks, and several depots. The depots died eventually though, leaving [TA]SlayerJu with only 3 or 4 buildings.
JonaMom[JC] takes the loss of his main in stride, and after escaping 1 or 2 probes to his natural, he begins warping a nexus, and a couple pylons. Normally, this would be fine, but do you remember the SCVs that fled [TA]SlayerJu's base? They are back.
With a little (but not much) help from some marines, JonaMom[JC]'s last building falls, and he leaves the game. JonaGoo[JC] is, as they say, alone in the dark.
 Therefore he decides to bring a torch to the battlefield. He wants reavers, and he wants them now. He also builds a shuttle, and takes the bottom right island. Also in this lull, [TA]SlayerJu has taken his natural, and has made a new base there, with turrets, tanks, and barracks. Meanwhile, under the watchful eye of JonaGoo[JC]'s observer, an army of Terran and Zerg troops is growing in the center of the map... And finally, the army reaches critical mass, and they swarm in, only to meet about 8 zealots, 4 goons, and 2 reavers. The army, composed of M+M and hydras, goes down, but manages to take 1 of the reavers with them.
So, after building up a few more dragoons, JonaGoo[JC] decides that [TA]SlayerJu has been a thorn in his side for long enough, and that it is time for [TA]SlayerJu to meet the reaper. He gathers 12 goons, 8 zealots and an observer. However, [TA]SlayerJu will not be an easy nut to crack. He has effectively walled in his natural with barracks, bunkers and turrets, and also has several tanks, both on the cliff, and behind his buildings. It's time for some math, children. Lets do some decimals. Well, decimation that is.
As if this defeat was not enough, two other factors are working against JonaGoo[JC]. 1) His main just ran out of money, and so he finally expands to his natural. 2) His island expansion was just dropped and destroyed by [TA]Ramius. Death is looking JonaGoo[JC] straight in the eye, but JonaGoo[JC] is not ready to jump into the maw of destruction just yet.
But, apparently the Tarsonis Academy is not willing to wait until he is ready. They attack with tanks, M+M, hydras and lings, and finally hit:
After crushing his natural, JonaGoo[JC] abandons all hope, and leaves with a hearty GG and handshake. The scores?
Lessons Learned
1) DT's are funny.
2) Reavers are not.
3) This was a great game to watch.
4) Careful of your own tricks used against you. [TA]SlayerJu did a large marine 'rush' on JonaMom[JC], returning the favour nicely. God I love irony.
With that, I conclude the final BR of the 2v2 Cornell Tournament. There was another round, but I missed all but 1 of the games due to discon's and general miscommunication, so I'm not going to do a BR on them. JC did go on to take first though, in a series of very intense matchups against Team DM, or so the Ref's tell me. Thank you to all the competitors, and the referees for letting me watch. I love finding out how much I suck when stacked up against other players >).
Before I go though, I'm interested about how people feel about the Sporff stories the last few BR's have featured. Is it annoying, funny, entertaining, or just a time filler before the main show? Respond in the comments section. Thanks.
With that, I'm off. Til next time,
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