"You don't have to be korean to beat your protoss, because you collapse under heavy metal like an old woman with a broken hip."
-Micro
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| Dire "Straights" and one gay guy | | | Author: | | | IP: | gateway.XXXX | | Date: | 11/01/00 07:11 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 6, Min: 5
Lifetime Rating for Monty Pylon: 6.0390 |   | Dire "Straights" and one gay guy
What an asshole!
I plunge into the talk and gossip of the battle.net world to see what new battle I can scout. A few minute pass without much response to my plees for a good game. I am about to leave when two players approach me. They introduce themselves as Joker411 and Carnage666. They ask if I will BR there game and I gladly accept. They set up a game on Dire straights and we wait for another player. They want a FFA and we pass the time with small talk until Stoner420 joins the game. Stoner420 has a decent record of 156 wins to 134 losses. All players except myself choose random and the countdown begins.
My center lands to the southwest and I float it way to the southern corner. Joker411 lands to the northwest with his own center. To the northeast is Carnage666 and a protoss sect. Stoner420 morphs a zerg hatchery at the southeast island and all players begin peon builds.
Joker411 is the first to start his build order of two depots and a barracks. He pumps out five marines and then takes a risk to build a lot of scv's. He plans to saturate his minerals with the little nosepicking miners and has only his marines to guard him. That is a risk but at least he has protection. I scroll down to see Stoner420 with ovies and a whole lot of drones. That's about it. His ovies scout the west and north as I take a look at Carnage666. At last a man with a definate strategy. Carnage666 had begun a strat of mass goons and reaver drops. He already had eight goons from three gates and had begun teching for shuttles. Troop count and tech were on Carnage666's side and I felt for sure this was going to be a short BR.
About five minutes pass and Carnage666 has his facility and a bay. He begins reaver production and I look around to see if everyone is ready for an ass whipping. I go to Joker first and I am amazed. His five marine defense is now a deadly mix of turrets, bunkers and goliaths. His main is swarming with every land antiair troop there is. I see he has also expanded to the large island to the east. It too has turret/bunker/goliath protection. Joker666 has also begun three starports and two armories are now upgrading his troops.
I head south to Stoner420 and see he too has been a busy guy. He has teched to spire and his island swarms with mutas and hydra power. If these are not enough he also has spore and sunken defenses covering his main. He has been the expansion whore as well…that isn't very pc is it. I know…he has been the expander of easy virtue. He has taken the large island to the northwest and the island inbetween himself and Carnage666. A hive finishes at Stoner420's main just as a large shuttled force leaves the isles of Carnage666.
Carnage666 through the use of observers has found the island expansion of Stoner420 just to the south. A fleet of four shuttles now head for the island each loaded with a reaver and a goon. The pilots see no danger in sight until a few small shadows creep over the horizon. A very large bug is headed towards them. The pilots try to manuver but its too late. The fist bug slams into the forward shuttle. The protoss pilot flips on the windshield wipper just in time to see three more crash into his ship. The shuttle burst into flames and the ship plummets to the sea. Those inside try to use the parachutes but alas, the instructions are written in english so the korean speaking reaver is doomed. As for the dragoon his four legs can not fit into the two arm straps, he curses the hydralisk who killed him when he was a zealot and crashes into the sea. The other shuttles turn and flee the area and hope their friend had insurance for his sweet ride.
I congradulate Stoner420 for being the luckiest sonovabitch alive. For at the exact moment the shuttles left ttheirbase, Stoner had sent a fleet of scourg and mutas toward his expansion. The mutas an dscourge do not pursue the shuttles but wait for more mutas and a little puss wrapped present. Ovies loaded to the breaking point with hydralisks.
Carnage666 begins the task of cannons production as well as an air force. He lacks a real air power and immeadiatly sets up two stargates. He places cannons all around his main and has all his troops set on red alert. He knows a counterstrike is imminent and he hopes the cannons will hold.
Meanwhile in terran land….Joker411 has been expanding freely across the west side of the map. He has takes my main and all the surrounding islands. His starports have produced battlecruisers and all vehicles and ships are at 2/2/2. He begins a series of skirmishes against Stoner420 and these have little effect. He drops a few goliaths and small MM combos at some of Stoner420's outer rim expansions to buy time for his airforce. Fortunatly for him, Stoner420 is sending the bulk of his troops to attack Carnage666 and pays little attention to these drops. Once his air force is complete, Joker411 sends his fleet towards the heart of the zerg main.
By now the zerg have gathered outside the protoss main. Ten ovies full of hydras and two fleets of mutas and scourge are ready to attack. The mutas move in and hit all cannons and reavers. Once the five reavers in Carnage666's main are killed the ovies float in to drop their cargo.
At the zerg outer rim expansions yamoto cannon and lasers begin cutting holes in the spore defenses of the zerg. Soon all zerg expansions west of the zerg main are wipe out. Then cruisers arrive with minmal injury over the zerg main. Joker411 is surprised to see…literally…no troops. The only thing guarding the main is a strong defense of spore and sunken colonies. The cruisers chew through the spores like red hot irons through butter. In literally minuts the zerg main is in ruins. Where has Stoner420 been all this time????? Come lets watch.
The zerg attack is going well. The initial cannon defenses have fallen. Now all that remains are a large number of goons. The warriors fight bravely and are butchered bravely. Then they are served as soup with zealot sandwiches…bravely. The protoss main is now in one of two stages..burning or blown up. So the entire base disappears in a faint blue smoke that brings a tear to Stoner420's eye. "1 down 1" to go is the confident message of Stoner420 but he fails to realize that he is almost gone. You should also note that Carnage666 is not dead but has joined observer status with me at this point. Stoner420 failed to check for a small expansion which was an island just to the west with one pylon. Long live my last name.
Dillusional from his pot induced haze, Stoner420 believes he has eliminated Carnage666. His fleet heads south and suddenly stops. Then in words I will never forget, Stoner420 says this.
"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BASE!!!!!!!"
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY EXPANSIONS!!!!!"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!!!"
A good round of laughter is had by all. For you see Joker411 had eliminated every single one of Stoners expansions and his main. Four expansions and one main. All that was left was a single hatch at 293 HP's. With his forces exhausted and his bases gone Stoner420 had no choice. With his head held high and with all his pride summoned, he found the courage to do the only thing he could.
45
44
43
42
41
~
3
2
1
DROP PLAYER
I said it before and I'll say it again….
WHAT AN ASSHOLE!
With his opponents beatened down Joker411 nobely offer allys to Carnage666.
GAME OVER
Ps-Yeah we all win ; )
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