Becoming a Gosu
The transformation from chobo to gosu is a right of passage for young men all over the world. In becoming a gosu, new tactics grow, and...ummm...old ones grow larger. In this sacred right of passage, the peak of performance is reached. Now, come with me as we explore the change of one I_am_Gen.Patton,as he becomes a gosu.
The First Time
Alright, this is my 4th battle report. The other three were stepping stones to this one. I am...ummm...I_am_Gen.Patton. You can just call me patton. SO, let's get down to business. I logged onto B-net(*cough* gay*cough*) and created a game called" 1v1 Lost temple,baby!".Now,as we all know, lost temple is an extremely GOSU map.As you may have guessed, I am anti-bgh(Big Gay Hunters). Immeadiately after I created the game, 2 people entered. Yes, They were humans. Not computers like some other players(*cough*Rommel*Cough*). They're names were "FW(GOLDEAGLE" and"David"....ooooo...great B-net name."David"...ha.
Anyway, david asked to observe. I was happy to oblige. Now, you see, Hawk is not chobo. His record is 52-4-23. Good, in my book. So, I sat there and crapped my pants for a while. Well, the game started. I randomed to white toss, and hawk randomed to orange toss. Now we're in business!
So, I start off at the 2 o'clock base and build a probe,pylon,and gateway, in that order. I decide to send my probe to scout, which finds the orange base at 9o'clock. My poor lil probe dies in a burst of blue fire. HE WILL BE AVENGED!
The single zealot of doom!
After one of my probes is built, I make a gas refinery. I assign 3 probes to mine the gas, and build a zealot and forge. While I wait for my forge to finish, I send my zealot to attack the base.
As you can see, my zealot has a field day in the chobo base. (NOTE: MS PAINT SUCKS)The mighty warrior kills 4 probes, and a zealot before dying to a dragoon. Now, with his mineral workers almost dead, he works out of desperation. He is running out of money, seeing as how it is only 3 mins into the game.MWAHAHAHA!
I've just sent another zealot to his poor excuse for a base.
My zealot hacks away at the nexus, stopping only to kill a lone Dragoon in a shower of blue liquid that once kept the...ummm...dead warrior...alive,I guess...
My zealot stabs away at the heavily shielded warp structure, slowly weakening the plasma shield.With his last dying breath, Eagle musters a zealot to fight me. My zealot kills it, but not before destroying 1 dragoon, 6 probes, and 1 zealot.
A second zealot takes the place of the first, while the first goes to recharge his shield at a shield battery. My zealot replacement continues to stab at the slowly dying nexus. Eagle still holds onto a hope of victory.ha.
2 more zealots arrive on the scene, eager to battle. In a truly chobo move, I see that Eagle has built all of his structues around A SINGLE PYLON. Now, I'm no scientist, but if that pylon dies...it's all over.
Oh.What's this? Could it be that I have destroyed the pylon? Ohhhh, sorry Eagle. It's all over, chobo. This bizzare conversation takes place:
Eagle:"OMFG OMFG I hate zealot rushes."
me:"Sorry , but I gotta say it. YOU SUCK."
Eagle:" I BOW DOWN TO YOU! PLEASE ALLY WITH ME!"
me:"Let me think about this for a moment...NO! DIE CHOBO!"
Friggin sore loser. He must DIE!
With a force of 7 zealots and 1 dragoon, I perform a ritualistic dance ,while chanting "EENY-OONY-WANNA! EENY-OONY-WANNA!" Eagle starts talking some nonsense about "I can't see my pylon because of the shadows." That sounds like a personal problem...
Okay, enough screwing around. Time to deliver the Coup De Grace. I send my zealots and dragoon to finish the chobo. GG's are exchanged, and the short game lasts just 5:59.YES! FEAR PATTON! PATTON TRULY IS GOD!
And now for the stats...
So, now that I owned some chobo ass...It's time for some mindless rambling...
Why is blue cheese called blue cheese? It isn't blue...
Why is Cottage cheese called Cottage Cheese? It doesn't come from cottages...
Why do most people rush? ANSWER:IT'S FUN!
Hitler was stupid. I could have commanded better than him.
Using Comps to br is gay. ( -- Rommel_1942)
Zealots own probes.
I like pineapples.
Lessons learned...
1. Zealots own the living crap out of dragoons (Don't ask me where he got this... -- Rommel_1942)
2. Cannons are highly over-rated
3. PROBES PROBES PROBES=$$$
4. BGH IS TRULY GAY
5. Lost temple, if played right, can be fun
6. Pineapples are yellow...
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