"man, he dances around storm like he actually knows what he's doing"
-RS~Darkrogue
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| Teaching a Lesson in Charity | | | Author: | | | IP: | ed143.ipXXXX | | Date: | 12/23/00 09:12 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 3, Min: 3
Lifetime Rating for Novadistortion: 4.5714 |  | Teaching a Lesson in Charity
One day in the far away land of Minnesota, there was a very bored little (Well, not so little anymore) child. Very bored at the time he decided to play a game of Starcraft in a festive mood. He looked to the TV and noticed the movie A Christmas Carol playing. This was the version he liked. The one with Patrick Stewart as Scrooge.
This made an idea pop into his head. Im going to go search for the perfect scrooge to haunt.
Quickly he hit quit and schemed as to how to accomplish this feat. Thinking of a name would be difficult for this. Suddenly, an idea became apparent. Im hungry he thought. With a grin he typed PoRkChOp. Ahhh perfect he though as he noticed the name wasn't taken.
A game he created with the quick home-row type he learned in the typing classes he had taken over the years. "2v2 newbies only please". This name would do, he thought as he typed, at least someone will come here tonight.<--- hey look it rhymes :).
The first name came in an idiot to know, Da_Bazz was his name and boy did he blow. Next, came in, a nasty Korean named gogobartank whos charity was limited by his greed and wish for a good record. Scrooge he would be, this I could see, and the ghosts of Zerg I had chosen. As my second favorite race which I would rub in his face I said hello. Next there would come, DaJackl, a bum who would be this reports Cratchet. <---Hey look most of this rhymes
------------------------End Of Intro------------------------
gogobartank asks to begin with gogogogogogogogo tvb gogogogogogog. I reluctantly click ok and the game begins.
PoRkChOp = 9:00 = Brown Zerg = Me = ranked #1
Da_Bazz = 3:00 = Purple Zerg = A stupid newbie = ranked #3
gogobartank = 12:00 = Red Protoss = Scrooge = ranked #2
DaJackl = 6:00 = Teal Terran = Cratchet ranked #4
The fog lifts and I begin the game with a scouting expedition into Jackls territory with a slow overlord. Next, I go for an early expo and a heavy economy. This is risky, however, my ingenious ally is happily distracting the enemy by making himself a VERY EASY TARGET. As I take my time with my build,I scout red. (just incase they are actually newbies). Red is not a newbie and is almost as good as my zerg was about a month ago. I now scout Teal, he has 2 marines and a bunker. At this point I decide to ignore teal and let my ally deal with him as I dethrone the high and mighty master of trash talk.(gogobartank).
I quickly amass an army of lings as I find that red, in his generousness has decided to grace my allies base with his presence. 2 zealots and a probe enter and set up a small settlement. The ally of his being a total idiot happily makes due with about 5 scvs and sends in a slow trickle of marines. I help my little buddie out with a team of about a dozen zealots. However, my allie attacks before I arrive and we dont take them from both sides. The current force is removed but more troops trickle in from both enemies. I tell my ally to hold his ramp.
After ignoring me, my ally starts making a huge ring of sunkens around his meager base. As gogo continues yelling at his laggy pal-who is constantly close to lagging out- to make tanks, I make some hit and runs while I pump up my natural and mains defence and tech. I add 2 more hatcheries also. It turns out, at this point, gogo a.k.a. Scrooge, was busy teching like the little pinhead he was. I begin to produce several ranks of hydras. Next, just as I send a heavy force to save my newbie pals hide, the enemy makes a wimpy attack of marines, medics, and zealots. My little genius of a partner panics and quickly surrenders. Now, I decide to see if he is truely the scrooge I think he is. I request an alliance at the end since my partner left. His response is somewhat less pleasant. "No you die" and "no ally"
Suddenly, gogo decides to show me that he is in the dominant position with some comments about how happy he is that he will win. Now, I take my brand new 30+ hydras on a parade to his main. On the way, I start some lurker mutation on five of my hydras. The groups hock little hydra loogies at the stupid protoss dragoons. Next, I send my lurkers behind his dragoons. His pitiful micro and my mastry of walk up the ramp and shoot causes lots of blue goonie guts to litter the ramp. His massive teching in early game cost him dearly, He had a nice array of cannon protecting the inside of the base. He also had every tech level in the toss book. I quickly level his arbiter tribunal with the hydra troops. Next, I remember, if he has an arbiter tribunal, he must have a temp archives. Therefore, he would have templar. I wisely spread out my hydras into 2 groups and reinforce. However, in his stupidity, he failed to actually create any temps. Soon, my hydras leveled most of his base.
My concentration suddenly went toward more production. After some well deserved laughing at him, he yells at his ally without any sort of ally chat on. I cant help but chuckle at his desperation. he runs everything he has to his ally. Soon thereafter I notice my hydras had all died in his main. More teal came to his rescue and helped Scrooge escape his doomed main base. I send my new recreated hydra force to slaughter his defenders and level his main. Once again my attack fails. This is due to the large array of cannons in his main. At this point most of his cannons are gone, but his main is no longer a problem for me. All his tech structures were removed so I quickly destroyed his natural expansion, which he had created just before I destroyed his dragoons.
Next, I pause to create more hydras and take my mineral only. After thunking myself on the head, I decide to attack teal before he has a large number of tanks. I take a second moment to mock Scrooge and take the red infestation out of teals main base. Red had apparently moved into his partners natural. After removing the nexus I offer teal an ally at end. He remains silent and I smash through his ramp. Some of gogo's forces had taken refuge there and were slaughtered in my name. I type "Now, dont you wish you would have allied me when I gave you the chance?" Unusually, he was silent.
My forces dwindled at his burning main. After quickly reinforcing my attackers I once again offer teal an alliance at the end. After nearly every defender dies, teal promptly drops. I smile. Just as I begin to type my message to gogo about his need of charity, he promptly surrenders and retreats to his home channel.
I realize the game just ended and head off. Well thats the end of the Battle Report. Hope you enjoyed it.
Novadistortion
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