OK so I was in Starcraft-USA-32.6 one day and I was like "look at my l33t 5 stars, I have so many stars, it makes me better than you" and they didn't know that I got all my stars from comp stomps but heeheehee the jokes on them I did.

Anyways (I just learned how to make paragraphs with HTML, dad says I can learn the fellatio tag next, whatever that means) I was telling everyone in my channel about my cool rating now that I just got that last half star making a full five stars and they were all like "wow" and "you're cool, man" and "Want to join a cool clan that has good players come to http://www.oralse.cx" so I was generally liked by the whole community. With my new five stars I felt like it was time to go and EARN MY STRIPES WITH BATTLEREPORTING so I can be a fully respectred member at this battlereports.com website place.

So I created a game and called it "3v3 BGH NEWBIES ONLY NO LAG NO RUSH" because I felt like I needed to start playing against real people, coz they're stupider than the computer and I can't disc against comp opponents if I start to die (except that one time dad kicked my monitor while I was playing and starcraft died on me). I made the game and it was joined by 5 other people. I don't remember what their names were, but some of them had thode little gay squiggly marks. They're gay. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ this sentence has just been made that much gayer because of that last little thingy of thingies. I like saying thingies. I know this girl in school who has nice thingies, probably nicer than any thingies that any hollywood girls ever have. But I asked "sup baby can I touch your thingies" and her boyfriend kicked my ass. Only he didn't kick my ass but I ripped his head off and stuck my p-nis in his air-hole (haha it's the internet so nobody knows I'm lying about getting my ass kicked)

OK SO BACK TO THE BEST GAME HERE EVER COZ IT STARS ME!!!

I started the game by picking Protoss because even though most of them look like twinkies (since their main color is yellow) they let me be able to make carriers, so I can RUN OVER MY OPPONENTS and then BACKSTAB MY ALLIES because its so funny and they're all like "wtf" and I'm like "haha no win for you you should have made MORE CARRIERS!!!" and they're like "wth I'm zerg" and I'm all "haha Protoss is the best race and now you know because I killed 5 of you with them"

But that did not happen, not yet anyweays. I heard from someone that I need to write like what happened during the game. So someone starts saying "ac" over and over and I'm like "wtf get your gookspeak off this game" and he said "it means allied chat" and I go "well why didn't you say that in the first place, you korean fucker" and that was that.

I started building cannons in my base, because I have to have cannons to shoot any bad things that try to get in my base. So I built a pylon, a forge, and cannons. I built as many cannons as I could. I don't know why they call this a mucho money map, since my 4 probes didn't seem to be mining more money than any other game I'm in, but whatever. Probably a bug or something.

Soon I had like, alot of cannons. Enough to stop well over 200 supply of zerglings, unless they were hacked to hit faster (wtf when is Blizzard going to do anything about that zergs can make their lings hit like twice as fast wtf wtf). One of my buds was getting killed by like three opponenets and was saying shit like "help" and "help me" and I was all "haha you should have built more cannons or bunkers or whatever you use to build defense" and he died. Haha, fucking newbie lol.

After that , I felt it was time to go onto the OFFENSIVE and build my favorite weapon of choice: OBSERVERS. Haha you dummy I tricked you I know that observers are gay and shouldn't be built. I mean wtf 75 gas for something that doesn't even attack. I made like 6 startports and then began making my FLEET OF GODLINESS.

My last ally was doing some stupid shit with dragoons and arbiters or something and he wound up killing one of our three opponents. I offered him advice like "yes" and "YES" and "KILL HIM HAHA WATCH HIM DIE HAHAH LOLOHLOL OL!" And then that guy died.

So it was now 2v2; evened up (look ma I used a semi-colon, they're called semi-colons coz it's not quite as good as a real colon), but nobody knew that I was making my SECRET DESTROYER FORCE OF CARRIERS THAT DESTROY THINGS. My cannons were all around my base, so nothing could get in. Everything was made so perfectly, even little blue sparkles shined off the buildings every once in a while. BLING BLING

After I made lik 8 carriers I sent them to one of my opponents. He saw me coming (that dirty hacker) and sent a bunch of marines over. I was like "haha look at those puny marines they can't kill my motherfucking carriers" and they then began shooting my INTERCEPTORS! I was like "wtf this guy is hacking get off my interceptors you ass" and then all my interceptors died. I ran away my carriers and started building new carriers to make my army even bigger.

Then my ally went into our opponents base who was zerg and killed him with archons and corsairs. I like archons, but they are not what I want to build this game,. Maybe some other game I'll make a lot of archons because they kick ass, but not as much ass as carriers. They have little swirly things which are gay but not as gay as `~~~~~~~

Just when everything looked to be going my way that fucking terran hacker fuck started shooting at my cannons with tanks, and my cannons weren't shooting back. I was like "OMG YOU HACKER FUCK" and his tanks probably said something like "keke ^^_____ " or however you do those gay korean smileys like gay koreans do. Gay korean hookers.

So I sent out my carriers but they didn't attack, and I was like "FUcK YOU YOU HACKER CARRIERS ARE SUPPOSED TO SHOOT" then I remembered I dodn't build interceptors but it didn't matter because I was winning the argument with "FUCK YOU YOU COMMUNIST HACKING ANTI-SEMETIC JEW PINKO YANKEE FUCK". But then the tanks made it to my nexus and killed me.

I mean I BOUNCED ON HIS ASS with my 4 BADASS PROBES that turned into SUPER PROBES because they were mining for so long and they were made SUPER. And then I owned his base hard with my probes, and backstabbed my ally for a FLAWLESS VICTORI!!! I am the MASTER! and NOT LYING!

Plz comment on my report I know there isn't that much html but I'm gonna have colors and maybe make the next one all pictures. Because pictures RULE! Lates~~~~~~~ OMG GO AWAY FUCKING SQUIGGLES ~~~~AOGBNSGOAGN#@$!~~~~~

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