Like most avid Blizzard fans I was rather disapointed with their decision to make "Starcraft:Ghost" a console only game. I read a preview on IGN.com and discovered that one of Blizzards earlier console works was, my favourite game of all time, Rock'n Roll Racing! Fond memories were soon formed in my mind and I immediatly whipped it out and started playing it once more.

This was the first time in my gaming life where I had decided to play a game I remembered fondly from my childhood and not end up horribly and bitterly disapointed, why this game was actually good! I downloaded an emulator and the rom of the game and I have decided to bring you all the first ever Rock'n Roll Racing battlereport! Enjoy.

Now then for the uninitiated this game revolves around cruising around race tracks with heavily armed cars all while listening to Heavy Metal classics in MIDI format. You need a certain number of points to advance to the next planet which you gain from winning races. You also recieve cash from winning races and picking up cash which is littered around the track for some bizzare reason, you can then inturn use this money to purchase new vehicles and upgrade your old one.

At the start of the game you must pick your driver, each with their own areas of expertise. I chose Jake Badlands, not only does this guy have wicked cool blue hair but his areas of skill fit me perfectly, a +1 in Handling and Acceleration. God knows im too crap of a driver to ever hit my top speed so ill need quick acceleration to make up for all the collisions ill most likely be having. So I after that I picked the only decent car available to me at the time, The Marauder which I painted Jet Black which would be the color for all my future cars. My first opponent would be the deadly Viper on the planet Chem VII.

The racing started off competitivly but soon I had enough money to purchase a new car. With these hot knew wheels (dont remember the name of this car and I lost my instruction manual long ago, sorry, but It had cool fins and stuff) they could no longer compete with my 1337 driving skills and I calk walked over the entire division while upgrading my cars Engine and Tires. Soon it was time for me to progress to the next division of racing where I would face one of the meanest opponents the game has to offer, Grinder!

This guy has a car as good as mine and is one nasty son of a bitch who packs more rockets than the US Army. It is here that the game begins in earnest. So with the "Born to be wild" pumping through my surround sound system in all its MIDI glory I got myself psyched up and ready to rock.

My first race was a disaster where in an attempt at taking screens during the game I managed to cop ample amounts of rockets up the ass. I was set way back and only managed to recover myself back into 3rd position. I would need to perform better than that if I was going to qualify for the next round! Thankfully the meagre $2k I recieved from the win was enough for me to purchase an additional Nitro charge, this would help greatly.

Things did not get any better for me however. The next race I was thumped into the ground quite severly and didn't even get a position. The race after I held second position for the entire race only to be pipped on the finish line and recieve a miserable 3rd place. My car was unable to compete with Grinders awesome fire power and I wasn't winning enough races to even qualify for the 3rd planet. So what does one do at a time like this? I got a can of Coke out of the fridge, collected my thoughts and begun harnessing my chi.

Ahhhhh! I felt the pain of racing right there and then. After leading the entire race after a brilliant start one of my opponents, Rip, was able to Nitro boost his way ahead of me on the finish line. I was nearly a broken man. The thought that I might not even make it to the 3rd world was almost shamefull to a Rock'n Roll Racing veteran like myself. As a lad I could make it the final stages before facing a challenge, I began to let doubt creep into my mind. Perhaps I was too old? My hands lacking the reflexes I once possesed or maybe I had just lost my edge. It was do or die time here folks, would this be a heroic comeback or a tale of woe with the end result being me joining one of those crazy suicide cults that all the acters are into?? Only time would tell!

You know what I smell in the air, the sweet smell of victory! This was one the most intense race of the day. To the tune of Black Sabbaths "Paranoid" I got myself pumped and through excellent use of nitros I was able to stick with the fearsome Grinder at the end of the first lap. He was however matching me corner for corner nitro for nitro and I unable to get ahead, I was forced to resort to the meagre firepower my vehicle offered. I slowly wittled him down and by the 4th lap he was smoking, my final rocket could deal the death blow and hand me the victory I so badly needed. I was hesistant however, if I missed the dream was over. I hit my nitro and skidded into his side sending him off course, he veered in front of me and right there and then I saw my golden opportunity, saying a little prayer under my breath I fired. KABOOM! He went up in flames and I had won my first race on the second planet!

This was only the begining. As Mark4 would say I began feeling the force right about then. Using my Nitros at the right time, swerving land mines and dodging those puddles of green crap that seem to everywhere. This race came right down to the wire with me being forced to use a Nitro as on offensive weapon to win the race. Myself and Grinder approached the final turn I hit my final Nitro and slammed into the side of Grinder, it was done at such an angle that I was flung back in the direction of the finish line while Grinder went straight into a wall, I aimed my skid well and cruised over the finish line. All doubt in my mind was now gone and I had become the Rock'n Roll Racing master I was as a child.

I won the next 2 races with ease, non could stop the veritable Schumacher of the racing world id become. But soon the season was over, I had qualified for the next planet as the dear eye patched captain informed me and soon I was flying on his ship to the realm of Prince Ragewort, the frog king!

Ugly son of a bitch isn't he. This is one of my favourite worlds, the tracks are very condusive to high speed racing and as you can see in the above picture ive invested all my dosh into making sure ive got as many Nitros as I can have on this car of mine, catch me if you can frog boy!

The next race was quite the heated one with my vehicle getting blown up no less than 3 times. In the final lap I was able to pull ahead while catching some wicked air in the process thanx to good Nitro usage.

Sadly Rage did not provide the challenge I was hoping he would. I totally owned this planet which was a little disapointing. Ive saved my game at the end of world 3 and depending on the response I get from this report I may continue on with the theme.

I added to this report after each race so nothing at all is fixed, this was certainly the most fun ive had doing a battle report yet and I hope I managed to convey that sense of enjoyment to you all.

Furious signing out with yet another anti-climatic ending for you all!