"lurkers kick very little ass when unburrowed"
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| The Tree of Life and the Farm | | | Author: | | | IP: | 209.234.XXXX | | Date: | 11/11/02 02:11 | | Game Type: | Warcraft 3 | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 6, Min: 6
Lifetime Rating for VemPted: 6.0000 |  | THE TREE OF LIFE AND THE FARM
Hello and welcome to my sad tale. Yes I am a sore loser. And this game really pushed me over the edge. I felt like I wanted to hurt somebody after this game, too bad I live by myself. So like most people, I hit the moniter a couple times and moved on. (after buying a new moniter.) Anyway, heres the text-only report. Enjoy, I guess.
PLAYERS
Vempted. Human Player. RED color. He made gyros. That was his big mistake.
Borgus. Night Elf Player. BLUE color. He made chims and hippos.
MAP
Plunder Isle. Vempted was bottom left, Borgus was top right. If you want to learn about this map go see one of cattlebruiser's plunder isle reports because there's no way im devoting half my report to the map.
THE GAME
Okie Dokie. Here we go, the report: Vempted started out with his usual build order, 2 peasants on gold and 3 building shit. Barracks, Alter, and farm. Borgus decided to go alter and moonwell first, with the rest of the wisps on gold. (what a suprise...)
Vempted speed built a lumber mill for increased effinciency in lumber harvesting. What a waste of gold, huh? But the lumber profits are through the roof! He made the mighty midgit and-shit, I'm sorry, I mean mighty little person, and started making some footies to creep with. He then started upgrading to keep once he had enough resourses. The MK killed the weak gnolls with relative ease until...DUN DUN DUN! The Demon hunter comes in and starts attacking a footman! (I know, I was as suprised as you were, I mean, most NE players make the overpowered POTM first!!)
He managed to kill 1 footie until the dumbass human player realized what the hell was going on, and storm bolted the bitch and did some damage before he ran away with his tail between his legs back to his precious moonwells. God I'd like to smack that kid. But away:
The Night elf player was now pumping hunts like mad now that the hunts hall and his 2 anients of gay, err, I mean war, were ready to pump the pumas. He started an ancient of wind (how odd) and upgraded to a tree of eternity (no this is not a typo.)
Vempted just finished his keep and obliterated those stupid murlocs near that weird beach-type place in the south. He sent over a peasant and built a workshop, as if to say, "Hey look, I'm hiding a workshop over here." He then moved east and killed those big ass gnolls guarding the south-east gold mine. He sent over 2 peasants to make a scout tower and a town hall. The scout tower will obviously be upgraded into a cannon tower, since those are just so god damn overpowered. No wait, I'm sorry, I meant guard tower.
The Night Elf player seemed to do the same thing up north, only with a twist! Well, not really. He took his 12 hunts and demon hunter killed the gnolls and expanded on that weird sand bar. Yes it is a sand bar.
Now Red was pumping gyroes as usual now that the workshop was finished, and started making an arcane sanctum (just 1?) and a castle. The expansion was just about finished while he went up the sacred plateau in the middle to kill those fat ogres. He killed em all with a minor loss of about 12 footmen to that damn shockwave the bigass one has with a devotion aura.
The night elf player was starting 2 chimera roosts and was making more hunts. Yay.
The human player had about 8 gyros (the warcraft3 battlecruiser) with their INSANE bombs ready and was going to go kill the night elf player now. With ONLY the gyros.
The gyros did about 200 to a huntress hall before all having to run in terror due to several APs. Damn their buffed up goodness.
But it wasnt a total loss. The MK recieved 2 lovely Krowns of Cings due to killing those dragons with the gyroes. The MK was now level 6 to the demon hunters lvl 4.
THE FIRST SUPER BATTLE
The two armies met in that little place between the ...I'm not even going to try to explain it. The Mountain King turned into that big ass statue thing and started his thunder claps on the hunts and threw a big ass lvl 3 hammer at the stupid demon hunter kid. The demon hunter soon died to a little focus fire. But the battle was not over. Up Above, the gyros were trying to kill those pesky chimaeras. But with little success! BECAUSE OF THE HIPPOGRYPHS! No, not the pathetic hippogryph riders, just hippogryphs. They killed all the gyros and the chimaeras slaughtered the footmen, even with defend on! But Oh well, VamPed ran his army back into his base protected by 2 guard towers. That should hold em!
With his now lvl 7 MK back at home, he rebuilt his army of gyros and master priests (just researched) and riflemen. But then, something happened that would change their lives forever...THE SOUTH EASTERN EMPIRE COLLAPSED TO THE MIGHT OF CHIMAERAS AND OVER ASSORTMENT OF THINGS. The weird green blob attack decimated all the towers and the town hall before you could say "CHEESE!"
It was time for action. Vampted took all his STUFF and attacked blues expo. TOP LEFT TWAS IT! And once he got there he focused on the tree, and since the gyros do sexy seige damage, the tree died very quickly, but not before the stupid demon kid revived and teleported his army of cheese to the base. The MK killed the tree and tped...half his army gone. =-/
The night elf cheeser quickly rebuild his tree and expanded on the plateau near his base.
The human player built 4 towers near his mine on the plateau and started building his town hall. Things did not look good. He had 4 gyroes and 8 rifleman and 4 priests and 3 footies and a hell of a lot of peasants. They sat on that plateau, too scared to do anything other than make buildings. "Turtle" if you will. During this, The Night elf player expanded everywhere, even the bottom right expo that only had about 3k gold left in it. He massed up until he was at 90/90 food...What will the human player do???
Blue then went on to kill red's so-called main. He killed it pretty quick with his mass army of gayness.
Red did nothing but sit there, building things.
The night elf player was getting a little tired of this. He had about 4000 gold in the bank and decided it was time to mass ANCIENT PROTECTERS. He made about 12 of them right outside Red's new main. And then...he UPROOTED THEM! The horror! Then he...ATTACKED! Dun dun DUN!!!
THE AMAZING BATTLE
He sent all his chimaeras and APs and hippos and hunts and his stupid demon kid all at the poor human Player. fortunately, He had many towers and alot of rifleman and his mighty little person. The little person turned into a big stoned little person and threw his lvl 3 hammer of gosuness at the stupid demon kid, the riflemen focussed fire on him and he died. The MK was now lvl 8! He threw a hammer at one of the gay dragons before he thunder clapped the lame huntresses. The towers killed the two headed shit dragons as they attacked the riflemen. The MK was clapping the huntresses agaiN! THEY BEGGED FOR MERCY but they all died. The MK ran up the hill to the local Goblin shoppe to buy 3 potions of heal, he drank em all like a thirsty fat ass would drink a Budd Light. He bought a sexy blue potion and drank that and clapped the huntresses one last time...the struggle...was soon over.
What was left: lvl 10 MK (yes he got to lvl 10 and was doing about 55-70 damage a swing) 2 riflemen, and a farm. A single 211/500 HP farm.
The Mountain king and his two loyal riflemen went up to the night elf main. Nothing was there. The player had no money at all. He attacked the moonwells, the alter, the roosts, until he noticed something. There were no ancients. Where the hell were the ancients?
Then it struck him like a bolt of lightning: "THEY'RE AFTER THE FARM!" The MK and his loyal brigade of hard-drinking riflemen raced back to the farm, encountering 1 ancient of eternity and 2 AOWs and 1 ancient of wind and 2 AOLs!! (no, not america online, use your brain here people...). He used his gosu hammer throwing skills to finish em off. Plus it helped he dealed an average of 65 dmg a swing. The riflemen stood in the back firing at the bastards, and they did it! They killed em all. None of them fought back, since they were just trying to get to the farm. They almost got there too, thank god they didnt have nature's blessing, huh?
But wait, still no win? Dun dun dun...then I remembered his expo in the BOTTOM RIGHT! But it was too late, the tree was already up the hill and was smashing at the farm. It only took 5 hits to kill the already damaged farm and the riflemen and MK could do nothing but watch in dismay...*bursts into tears*
*sniff* Well that's it. Zergling told me to write a battlereport on it and I did. How did you all like it? Sorry I don't have any photoshop/html skills. So No pics, sorry =( I hope the ending pulled a heart string of yours, because it was very distressing for me. Oh well. It still was a fun game and I beat him 3x the score. I played alot better than he did =-P To see a brief summary of the ending, please visit the forum! Heh, well thankyou for reading. Drive safe! And keep watching the skies!
THE END
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