This crappy report is made possible by Giga's WC3 Page
Report any bugs regarding this report to ksaber666@hotmail.com (no, I'm not a satanist, its a long story)

The players of this match are MijatV (aka myself aka Giga) - level 8 Undead player versus, as mentioned above, a level 12 random player MotherF|_|cker.

The match was played on the legendary Legends map, it is actualy a 4 players map but it serves as 1on1 battleground quite well too. It is also one of MijatV's favourite maps so he rejoiced that, in those bad odds (level 12 vs level 8) he would at least be well accustomed to the terain.

Of course, on this screenshot, the very idol of MijatV's reports is viewed as well. Down in the middle, its him! It's BOB THE GHOUL!!! This little pest is about to make a lot of problems for MotherF|_|cker during the couse of this game.

Since he built his barracks before his altar, MotherF|_|cker made quite a bit of footmen. The footmen took a walk around the surrounding woods and stumbled upon a group of forest trolls guarding a mercenary camp... without waiting for the hero to be summoned MotherF|_|cker assaulted the trolls with his footmen... you'd think he had some special strat in store with that mercenary camp when he wanted it so badly that he couldn't even wait for his hero to come and get XP points...

At about this time, Samuel the Ghoul is sent to scout the area for the location of enemy base as well as to find out what is enemy up to. He goes first to the upper right corner of the map, then proceeds to the lower right corner, therefore heading straight for MotherF|_|cker's town...

And the first two bad-asses come out of the two altars. First one to get into the fight is Morlune the Mighty - level 1 paladin with holy light as his first skill. He immidinately runs to help his non-hero bretheren (aka footmen) kill the mentioned group of bothersome forest trolls.

On the other hand, the Undead champion is called Aramachus and is level 1 Dreadlord (whose first skill is sleep). Once he gets out of the altar he stops to revel in the beauty of the blighted forest. After standing and staring into the dark gray trees for about 10 seconds, he calls his ghouls (among them the famous Bob the Ghoul) and goes for some creeping.

Of course, it didn't bother Aramachus since he was on a killing spree for experience points. Poor ogres did manage to do some damage before succumbing to the ravenous ghouls, now supported by Death Coil and Vampiric Aura.

At that moment one of the ghouls decided to express its ability to notice the extremely obvious, in a single, wise sentence: "Me eat dead ogres!"

Another proof that WarCraft world is truly a fantasy one.

Quickly after, the Archmage called Aran Spellweaver (with his first skill being Brilliance aura) rides to meet with the creeping party and aid his old friend Morlune the Mighty in the noble task of ridding the map of innocent creatures known to us as the creeps.

In next minutes of the game both players are set about their task of exterminating neutral inhabitants of the map, MijatV doing it in the lower left part of the territory while MotherF|_|cker was content to creep out the upper right portion.

They hit the weakest point of MijatV's base - the acolytes and the haunted golden mine. Since they were so pumped up with healing scrolls (as obvious on one of the screenshots) they managed to held for a while, despite the fact they were outnumbered and were fighting on blight (which doesn't realy meens anything for them but makes Bob & Co regenerate a lot faster) and being hammered by MijatV's Black Citadel (which we like to call "The Big Gun").

Some time during the battle, Aran Spellweaver was backstabbed by Bob and his two bros and quickly ended up dead. Seeing that there was nothing to be gained, Morlune the Mighty decided its time to do what his paladin code requires of him - read his Town Portal Scroll (which gets us to the conclusion that pallies have an IQ of 500+ since they can read a whole scroll in a SINGLE second) and get the fuck out of the fray before his own safety was jeopardized.

Humph... so much for paladin honor and their never-ending bravery...

This whole battle was beheld by a group of four necromancers who, for some reason, didn't feel like their help might change the course of the battle so they were content to stand and watch.

One of them was heard to say: "I see dead people" as he beheld the ghouls ripping Aran Spellweaver limb from limb.

A little useless feedback: Apparently, this battle got into history because of many strange things that happened during its course. It is said that during this awesome struggle, human warriors beheld a Lich flying high in the sky, yelling some realy dirty words at someone on the ground... nowone ever found out what that Lich was doing so we'll just presume its one of those little misteries that grip and always will grip the WarCraft world...

On their way to the lower right portion of the map, Necromancers stumble upon Morlune the Mighty and few surviving footsies. Apparently, Morlune and his warriors were taking care of another group of bothersome trolls. Obviously, they were too occupied to notice the four beards that approached. However, beards didn't show much courage as they silently set about their task of getting to MotherF|_|cker's base, deciding not to interupt the humans in their little crusade.

Okay, the situation goes like this, Alandil, Soulrender and Aramachus, followed by Bob & Family ran into human (or should I say dwarf?) base, finding it lacks any defence apart from a single knight (who is quickly put to sleep), the Undead warriors happily start leveling the Arcane Sanctrum which succumbs before Murlone the Mighty gets back home (since he spent his TP scroll he had to get to battle the old fashioned way).

Quickly however, Aran Spellweaver is revived and a dwarven mountain king whose name I dont remember decides to lead the meager defending army against the invaders.

Soon, Murlone the Mighty gets back home and begins bashing on the necromancers who came and began casting cripple on knights, mountain king, footmen and casters with gay... errr, I meant necrophil abadon... After few hits Murlone is noticed by Aramachus, Soulrender and Alandil and they decide to show him what for.

Instantly Frost Nova, Death Coil and Carrion Swarm (don't hold me here, I'm not sure did I have Carrion Swarm at that moment realy) wash over our noble hero and once again, force him to hide behind two farms.

Then, Aran Spellweaver spoke one famous sentence to his Elven Priest Friend: "We have a single advantage, that is, we are fighting on a familiar terrain."
Elf: "In short, we're fighting on our doorstep."
Aran: "Yarr..."

Aran continued his nasty tendency to use wands of cyclone on MijatV's heroes and quickly launches Aramachus towards the clouds. Aramachus revels in this flight but then says: "If I have hooves, why am I flying?!" yarr... that's why Dreadlords don't fly...

During the battle, our dear Mighty Midget is swarmed from all sides by ravenous ghouls, skeletons and Undead champions. Even with holy aid of Murlone's Holy Light the dwarf is unable to withstand the awesome attacks of the walking dead and falls. Immidinately, he starts ressurecting.

Being rather engry for having to fight the mountain midget for so long because of the damned holy light, Soulrender decides to put an end to it and with a bulk of skeletons starts chasing Murlone the Mighty. Once again, paladin shows his incredible bravery by running way like a frightened goat. He gets swarmed however and MANAGES TO CRAWL OUT OF THE BULK OF SKELETONS! Bastard was reading healing scrolls and drinking potion of healing all the way during this great chase.

When he got to the lower right portion of human base, Murlone was intercepted by Aramachus (who in the meantime returned to the ground) and Bob, quickly Lord Soulrender joined and although Murlone was about to run away from this one as well he got two big claws, one smaller, one cursed runic blade and a frost nova into his back... as obvious on the screenshot, it was enough to take him down.

In the about same time the midget was ressurected and immedinaetly joined the fray.

The situation was now on MotherF|_|cker's side, beards got slaughtered with only one of them standing, Undead were running out of corpses and he still had an Archmage and a MK helped by some sorcs, knights and priests.

Not for long thou, as MijatV decided to do the last hit on MotherF|_|cker's lieutenants, he quickly swarmed Aran Spellweaver and the skinny mage kicked his skinny mount and decided to hope his skinny survival chances will get him out of this skinny situation...

Apparently... they were way too skinny...

MijatV pauses to consider his situation, most of the army was dead (okay, we all know Undead are mostly dead but in this very context I meant 100% dead), only one sevearly wounded necromancer was standing and Alandil Lieng was being hammered hard from the ressurected midget and a knight. And then, Aramachus read his Town Portal Scroll and got out of the bee's nest.

The result of this battle is that MotherF|_|cker is sevearly hammered while MijatV has all 3 of his heroes alive and level upped as well as a bulk of lumberjacking ghouls, a few necromancers trained and rallied to the lower left corner of the map (although they had absolutely nothing to do there) and of course, Bob.

He runs to the lower left part of the map's natural expansion and finds a town hall and five peasants who were franticaly mining gold.

At this point, MotherF|_|ucker's forces are still way too hammered to do anything and he has to watch as his building is leveled. Only one of the five peasants ever made it back home to report what transpired.

MotherF|_|cker's army is consisting of mostly knights, sorcressess, three heroes and few priests... oh and there were few waterland inhabitants, aka water elementals of no small power.

Apparently, god(dess) of luck once again proves she's quite a bitch as MijatV's forces attacked by a bulk of MotherF|_|cker's army in the middle of fighting the forest trolls and an Ogre Magi. Obviously, MijatV sounds the full retreat, certain that this army would soon come his way.

As you can see in the upper right corner of the screenshot, there is one of human taurens accompanying MotherF|_|cker's army... obviously, humans plan on building a new expansion.

And while Morlune the mighty is packing his bag with scrolls of healing and healing potions, Alandil, Bob, Aramachus, Soulrender, some ghouls and four beards decide to go creep in the middle. They clear one group of ogres and troll high priests but lose some ghouls. MijatV takes his lumberjacks and sends them to randevouz with his heroes.

MijatV at the moment of realizing what is happeining with his lumberjacks bellowed at his computer: "BITCH!!!!!!! WHAT DID I DO!?!?!? WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE YOU SO ANGRY AT ME!??!!? WHAAAAAAAT?!?!?!!!?!?!?!?" this brought a startled question regarding his health from his mother who was downstairs watching one of her soap operas.

Obviously goddess of luck once again fucks MijatV up! His ghouls run straight into MotherF|_|cker's army, they are quickly slowed and killed...

Thanks to this shitty game of fate, MijatV doesn't pay attention to his creeping party and few of his ghouls fall to the ogres while his heroes get damaged quite a bit.

At that point, MijatV smiles evily, certain that his secret plan will stop the invading army...

Wanna know what's MijatV's secret plan? You'll find out soon enough >=)

MotherF|_|cker's army rans into my base and MijatV desperately TP-es his wounded heroes back home to assist the defence. The Unded immidinately start upgrading two of their ziggurats into spirit towers to assist the defence of their jeopardized home.

Then, with an evil glee in his orange eyes (or whatever dreadlords have for eyes) Aramachus said: "It is time to deploy the secret plan... MUAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAHHA *cought* *cought* *ugh* *cought* gotha work on that *cought* mad laught..."

In next few moments MotherF|_|cker was greeted by six master banshees with full mana hovering towards his knights. In few seconds, his knights were fighting his forces and two banshees were supporting the slowed ghouls. Aramachus and Alandil started casting bat swarm and frost ring at sorcressess and priests, hoping they will manage to kill at least some of them...

Don't ask me if they did, to tell you the truth, I have no idea and I'm too lazy to watch the replay again...

Anyway, since they were quickly overpowered by their own knights, two ziggurats, "The Big Gun", three Undead heroes and two banshees Morlune decided its a good moment to town portal out to safety.

Unfortunately, MotherF|_|cker presumes MijatV is going to do that (which gets us to the conclusion that MotherF|_|cker is a psionic and can read our thoughts! which meens he must be reading our thoughts at this very moment! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!) and sends his surviving troops and goes to his expo.

The two groups meet just right of the expansion and another of those lovely little battles begin. With all his force, MijatV concentrates on killing Morlune the Mighty. MotherF|_|cker does the very same... errr... I meant he focuses his fire on Lord Soulrender, not Morlune the Mighty...

Anyway, Lord Soulrender gets, quite ironicaly, RENDERED to bits very quickly and in a brave attempt to save his near-dead paladin MotherF|_|cker tries to TP out only to have Morlune the Mighty die as soon as the rest of the army TP-ed. Undead managed to take his corpse, denying MotherF|_|cker the right to bury him properly... nasty Undead...

Obviously, by now, both MijatV's and MotherF|_|cker's beggining gold mine were drained of gold and while this was not such a problem for MijatV it posed an awesome threat for MotherF|_|cker's (already threatened) chance of survival.

Packed with healing and protection scrolls and certain that he is powerful enough to destroy MotherF|_|cker's headquarters Aramachus orders the attack. Lord Soulrender joins the army as he was quickly ressurected. And the two armies clash one more time...

This time however, banshees can't be all that useful since most of the oposing army is formed of footmen, priests and socressess. Obviously, MotherF|_|cker learned a hard lesson back at the Battle of Surviving Heroes and decided to counter possession by massing a lot of cheap units.

Now, MijatV decides to prove his theory that curse is actualy a very good skill and puts it on autocast... now, thanks to the awesome powers of his 56k modem that command is not registered and banshees never put curse on autocast... another experiment gone to hell thanks to MijatV's awesome connection... (this is a very very dramatized sarcasm)...

Come to think of it, I give an apel to everyone with a generous soul and more money then they need to send valuables (preferably euros, but American dollars and English pounds will do just fine, credit cards, grandma's jewerly, gems, pearls etc.) to "Buy MijatV a Better Comp" foundation. It will fill you with awesome happiness and content with yourself if you do this small thing for me, so what say you?

...

WELL FUCK YOU TOO!!!

Humph... back to the report... cheap bastards >=(

Since our dear nameless dwarf manages to keep alive thanks to the healing powers of his paladin comrade, MijatV decides to do the same as before - rape Morlune to death with focused fire and carrion + nova + coil combo. Oh did I mention Morlune already got ressurected? I didn't? Well he did and he's already making me some big trouble!

During the course of the battle Aramachus is swarmed and killed but comes back very soon thanks to the ankh of reincarnation in his backpack. This doesnt help much as he is quickly killed again as well as is Lord Soulrender. Now it is obvious that Undead are going to lose this conflict.

Alandil Lieng is alive (for as much as these Undead heroes can be alive) thanks to the fact that he kept his bony ass out of the battle and instead chased Murlone the Mighty around the peasants who didn't pay attention at the combat and just continued with their work. It is strange how MotherF|_|cker's civilians fail to complain about anything that is happening with their lives... damn... he must have lobotomized them or something like that... they sure look lobotomized...

Anyway, sevearly wounded and frozen to bones, Murlone the Mighty decides to do what he does the best - run the hell away from danger. Without turning back, Murlone sprinted towards the sunset (as obvious on one of the shots).

Alandil Lieng turns to see both Aramachus and Soulrender dead and, realizing that the battle is going bad sounds a full retreat and slowly glides home to raise his two old companions.

During the course of the battle, both MotherF|_|cker and MijatV began building new expansions. MotherF|_|cker started building it in the upper right corner of the map while MijatV was content to build it on the place of last MotherF|_|cker's expansion.

In about the same time, Alandil Lieng & Bob, led a group of ghouls to attack the last of MotherF|_|cker's expansions. Peasants were quickly terminated as well as was the town hall itself.

Then, with both of his first heroes back from the dead into the undeath MijatV decides to do the final cut - destroy MotherF|_|cker's main once and for all!

MotherF|_|cker releases his melee force upon my necromancers (BTW, his melee force consists of Murlone the Mighty and the nameless midget-dual-wielding-axe-and-hammer). The Midget is quickly crippled+cursed+nova-ed+carrion swarmed+coil-ed+swarmed-by-Bob-&-Co and quickly dies without ever revealing his name to us...

Having rather enough of the bothersome paladin Undead troops swarm him and just as he was about to die he turns on his Divine Shield! WOOT?!?!? And the bastard flees the fray. However, deaders are content to take Aran Spellweavers life instead of Murlone's... and Aran quickly gets utterly ripped apart by the hundred-times-mentioned-Bob-&-Co.

As the screams of dying elven priests and sorcressess filled the night, Murlone runs behind his favourite two farms with the last surviving Elven priest who begins healing him as Murlone decides to surrender.

And the battle is won!

I won the game =D!!!!! Anyway, here you can see the stats in the end, MijatV stands better then MotherF|_|cker at everything except heroes as MotherF|_|cker had more time to creep. However, its not a great difference... its sad we didn't see the some ultimates in the game as the highest levels came in the end of the match.

If anyone cares, you can download this 1.04 replay here .

Once again, this whole replay is written by Giga, hosted by Battlereports.com and http://solair.eunet.yu/~meop/giga.htm aka, Giga's WC3 Page...